My son passed away 3wks ago aged 40 , he was only ill for 8 wks , we had a strained relationship and hadn’t been in touch for a long time , I feel so guilty and can’t sleep or stop crying, I also feel suicidal because I am so tired 
Hello @Lou61,
I’m sorry to hear about your son. I’m hearing how painful this is all feeling and I want you to know that you’re not alone. There’s always someone out there to help you through this.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @Lou61, get in touch with one of these services.
Take good care,
Seaneen
Was it cancer? My son died 17th July ,aged 47 through secondary bone cancer he died within 3 months. I am sure he understands, it is so hard to understand the loss of a child no matter what age,it is not the way life should be. Take care and look after yourself.
Hi Lou, I just wanted to reach out to you as I had a strained relationship with my daughter too, she died at only 18 years of age. She was very challenging due to her mental health difficulties, and it’s easy to question how things could have been different and if I could have done more, but nothing can change now.
You are meant to be here, please know that you are not alone. This pain that we go through as parents losing a child is indescribable, but think of your other loved ones in your life and keep going for them. I am happy to chat with you anytime via direct message if this would help you or if you want to share anything. Just keep going day by day. Thinking of you, take care xx
Hi
Thank you for your kind reply, at the moment things are hard and I am feeling a bit stronger, been to see my son today but I chose to have his face covered because the funeral people advised it , I talked and cried with him and held his arm , I am glad in a way I was able to be with him the last 3 wks of his life , but I still have many questions about his condition that I am going to ask to see his records , he either told the doctors not to tell me all or they was in the wrong the way he was treated, I feel that once I understand why they was telling me things was looking good and then all of a sudden he was so ill they withdrew everything, it won’t help the fact that he had gone , but perhaps i will understand more
Thank you lou
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Thank you 
I’m really glad you are feeling a bit stronger. It is a roller coaster, I started to feel better but then got worse but I’m starting to recognise that this is part of the process. There will be ups and downs, and it isn’t anything to be scared of. It is just the way grief works in my experience, though it is early days. I hope that this helps you. There is currently an NHS investigation into my daughter’s death and they are being really nice and including me to give as much input as I want. When you feel strong enough you may want to ask questions. I sometimes think having answers is helpful, but grief is so personal to each individual - so you just need to do what is right for you. Just know that this community is wonderful and really helps people. Keep reaching out if you need any help. Take care and thinking of you xx
If you don’t mind me asking how do you get the nhs to investigate 
They instigated the investigation themselves due to the circumstances, so I didn’t have to do anything. I understand that you can bring about a medical negligence claim if you feel it is needed, but the solicitor I spoke to (for free, just a quick enquiry) advised me to see what the outcome of the NHS investigation was first and if not satisfied they could support me with a no win no fee claim. I am not bothered about the money to be honest, I just want them to acknowledge their failings and change things in the future. Nothing will bring my daughter back now but if it helps someone else then that would be something. Take care and if I can help with anything else, let me know. I’m not a legal expert but have been doing a bit of my own research xx
Hi
Sorry been having a bad time , my son died of acute lymphocytic leukaemia, he was diagnosed 13 aug died on 29 sept x