My ex partner father to my son committed suicide on the 21st April we were separated for 11 months and things were bad between us but we still spoke everyday we were together for 9 years but two days before he ended his story he come to see me and he apologised and we had a good chat and was planning on moving forward and him doing more with are 6 year old then he did this I cant accept he is gone and I feel so alone the way I feel I cant describe but it’s like im watching a TV program I miss him so much its almost 9 weeks and it’s getting harder to cope not being able to talk to him the inquest is still open but they say not to blame anybody my family are focused on him leaving me and the children and don’t understand why I miss him so much and I’m struggling I’m just wondering if anyone could help with a way to cope I take it day by day but its hard and I try to hide my emotions from my children as I dont want them to worry about me as well ive just lost all interest in everything I feel empty sorry to bother all and thank you for reading hope someone can help me
Hi Kirsty,
I lost my mum a week ago yesterday to suspected suicide so I can’t offer too much advice right now, I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone in such an awful and shocking time. It also makes it worse that you have to wait such a long time for a cause of death.
As crazy as it probably sounds, I try to think that my mum is at peace now. She was very tortured and I can’t imagine what it must be like to have to fight through everyday with such a huge battle in your mind that you can’t escape.
My mum tried numerous times and we always saved her, there was nothing more we could of done to save her. If someone is so desperate then they will find a way to do it. No one can blame themselves in this situation.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk I’m here.
Lucy x
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost my Uncle to suicide in 1991.
It brings with it a lot of mixed and confusing emotions, and other people often find it difficult to cope with someone grieving in such circumstances not knowing what to say etc
Just know whatever you are feeling is right, and those feeling will flip from moment to moment.
With any grief your brain just goes mushy! You will see a lot of us talk about it on here. You lose interest in things you previously enjoyed, tastes change, concentration goes. Don’t be frightened by that, it is not unusual.
Hopefully you find it useful to share your feelings here. You might get some ideas to try and see if they work for you, everyone is different. It may be binge watching a tv series or listening to a podcast that isn’t your usual taste or something you’ve seen a million times before.
Hoping you have a restful evening and take care of your yourself as best you can
Beki x
Thank you its just so out the blue as he stopped me from doing this a few times and he saved a friend from doing this he always said we could get threw anything I just can’t make sense of how he could come talk to me tell me he knows he fxxked up and he wants to make it right see are children make plans to move forward tell me he still loves me but he knows we can’t get back together then do this I cant get my head around it his funeral was 20th May his ashes are in his mums when we were together we struggled with people not wanting us together as I have 3 other children but we got together and did 9 years his mum messaged me on the night of his funeral and said she knows things have bin said in past but she knows for sure her son would still be alive today if he was still with me and it just sets me off again as I dont know how to take ive delt with alot in my life I’m 36 and ive over come alot but this has knocked me I just stare at the telly nothing makes sense I expect him to come the house or text me I wait for him to do this I hear a car and think its him im driving myself crazy I just can’t accept it.
My uncles suicide was out of the blue to so I understand those feelings , they are entirely normal. It broke my mum - why didn’t he phone or come to her etc
Sadly the ifs, buts and maybes pop up in our mind like weeds, it cannot be helped but that’s what they are weeds - distractions trying to disrupt our already struggling mind
I would definitely suggest looking at the resources in this site and maybe connecting with one of the bereavement counselling services or charities which specialise in suicide.
In the immediacy you may find putting your feelings down in a journal - no one else needs to see it, it doesn’t need to make sense of be full sentences, it can be doodles. The other day I just had an afternoon of screaming why. No one answered me and no one will but it acknowledged that that feeling is so deep in my heart.
Hope you can have a peaceful evening and find support
Beki x
He may not have had it in his head that he was going to do that when he came to see you. Sometimes suicide isn’t planned. I’d seen my mum a few hours before I found her and she seemed fine, sometimes it’s just an overwhelming feeling that they need to do it.
His mum shouldn’t be putting that on you. If someone is determined to end their life than nothing will stop that feeling.
Nothing makes sense to me either, I have no concentration or appetite. I’m still waiting for my mum to walk through the door or I go to text her something then remember.
Thank you I do journal I feel like a piece of me is missing our 6 year old asks for his dad and asks when can he go his grave witch at the moment there is not 1 his mum will make a decision in a few weeks on what she wants 2 do with his ashes I am in therapy and she told me my feelings are valid and are important. My ex was at the train station Monday and Tuesday and when he seen me the Tuesday he told me and said the only thing that was stopping him from killing himself was are son I spoke to him about it and he said he was OK then I find out he was there again Wednesday and Thursday I spoke to him Thursday morning sent him a pic of our son then I sent him a txt Thursday nite asking if he was still gonna call our son that evening the message remains unopened his mum messaged me on Facebook just b4 10pm asking if I’d heard off him then she rang Friday morning he killed him self in her house she found him just after 11pm he left me and are children for a 19yr old at work he was buying a house with her and moving away from our son then he found out she was cheating on him for about 4 weeks before he found out that’s why he come to see me to apologise and understood how i felt when he left me he was humiliated he had to leave his job my brother said he gave me the clouser by apologising and he realised he made the mistake and he could not live with that guilt and shame but its still the whys and what ifs and how but thank you all for your suggestions and help I appreciate it and it just helps when people listen and gives advice
Hello - I lost my daughter in January. Seems she took an overdose of her medication. I Found her ‘asleep’ in bed. You are going through probably the worst experience of your life and probably traumatised and definitely in shock. Hand in heart No one is to blame. My family fell apart too and it felt like crying into the wilderness and full on family chaos. It does take time for everyone to just calm down. Be kind to yourself and remember, no one wanted this to happen. You certainly didn’t and it’s not your fault. The ifs and buts will go on and on right now. Be kind to yourself, you are doing the best anyone can in the early days. It sounds shit but just keep on keeping on one day at a time. You will get lots of support and understanding on here. It’s helped me and I hope it helps you. Sending hugs xx
Thank you and sorry for ur loss this has definitely turned my life upside down and my children’s and waiting for the inquest and not knowing what his mum is gonna do with his ashes making sure im supporting my children rite just so much to process but I’ve had some great supportive communication and it’s made me feel heared and understood that I’m not alone just so greatful the advert popped up on my Facebook
Hi @Kirsty27, I’m so sorry about the loss of your ex-partner. As @Beki says, please do keep reaching out for support here, you’re not alone.
I just wanted to share these resources for you and @LucyF90 in case you think some further support might be helpful right now.
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide - http://uk-sobs.org.uk/ 0300 111 5065
Support After Suicide Partnership http://supportaftersuicide.org.uk/
Winston’s Wish also offer support to children who have been bereaved. You can take a look at their website here - or call them on 08452 03 04 05
Thank you for reaching out to us @Kirsty27, take good care,
Seaneen
Thank you so much for the information
I’m in a very similar situation to you.
My ex partner (my 6 year old son’s other mother) took her own life in January.
I’d known her for 15 years. We were together for about 7 years but we separated about 5 years ago. Still spoke every day and co-parented our son, although frequently argued.
Lots of ups and downs.
Turns out her new partner had finished with her and may have been cheating on her and it seems that’s why she did it.
She suffered with depression for quite a while but you wouldn’t really know. She had tried it once or twice previously. I just can’t believe she would leave our beautiful son.
I can’t stop crying, we hadn’t been together for a long time and both had new partners but I am absolutely heartbroken. It’s so devastating, especially for my son. I too am nearly 36.
I hope it’s getting easier for you. I feel like it’s getting harder if anything 
Hopefully this group helps x
I’m sorry for the lost of your ex-partner. I lost my ex-partner 4 months ago, we had been together 8 years and separated for 6 months. You’re absolutely not to blame, no one is. But I appreciate that doesn’t stop you going over every conversation wondering what you could have done differently. It’s an isolating experience and it has left me angry, sad, confused and guilty. But you are not alone, we are a community no one wants to be part of but we have each other for advice and support. Thinking of you and your family and sending warm hugs. X