Help with the lost empty feelings

My mum passed away just over 7 years ago to lung cancer. She was just 60.
At the gime of her death I was nursing my husband sho had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. After nursing him at home for as long as I could he ended up in full time care.
He passed away just over a year ago at the age of 54. Im extremely grateful for the time we had as it was way more that they thought. He contracted covid in his nursing home and we had to do window visits. He has 4 children 2 of whom are with me. Our youngest was just 14 when his dad passed. The whole of the family is fractured we only just scattered his ashes just before his first anniversary. I feel totally lost and empty im struggling on a daily basis any advice would be much appreciated.

1 Like

Dear Lisa24

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and the constraints which prevented you from visiting him. I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you and your family.

I lost my husband in September - road traffic accident, no goodbyes and still reeling from the shock and tragedy of it all. Our eldest grandson was only 9 months at the time and a second was born after my husband’s death.

I have to be honest I too struggle every day and merely function on a minimal level for our two kids. I am having to go through the motions of a life that I did not ask for and do not want. I am seeking counselling and am on the waiting list. I know that both MacMillan Cancer Care and Marie Curie offer services to families and may be able to offer you specialist bereavement support.

I do know that this forum allows you to say whatever you want, things we feel unable to say to friends or family members. Also those that find ourselves on this site know we are sharing with people who understand our enormous loss.

Take care.


Dear Lisa

I am so sorry for your loss how awful
I have to be honest I had counselling when my husband died suddenly at 49
But I found it made me angrier I was mad at God for taking a wonder kind loving man
Then 9 months later my mum died !!
I have never grieved for my mum I know my body or mind couldn’t cope

It’s been 3 years now since he died and I still have really bad days
I just don’t want to get out of bed
I don’t really want to be alive
I cry and cry
Then the next day I pool myself together and get on with life as best as I can
It must be harder for you as you probably can’t do this with having children
But come on here share your thoughts it might give you some sort of realise
It never gets easier but you do learn to live with the pain
Just try and remember the good times you had with them both
The love that they gave you
Some people never experience that
You are lucky as you will always have a part of him with you through your children

You take care
And remember we are stronger than we think
Sending my love

Aww thank you Scottie10

I always felt cause I was looking after my husband and kids that i couldn’t grieve for my my mum as I had to go through the motions for them.
I understand your anger I felt that very much with my mum I would get everyone to bed and cry in anger.
With my husband I took great comfort having his ashes here when we scattered him I know it was good for everyone giving them the closure they needed, but for me it made it feel really real it was final if that makes any sort of sense?
My youngest was only 6 when his dad was diagnosed my oldest 14. My oldest had to step up and help me with his dad when his dad was having a bad time he would distract the youngest, took up going to all his wee brothers footy games keeping an eye on his dad if I had to take the youngest anywhere.
They would go to my mums every Friday it was their escape time.
Everything just feels so overwhelming just now.
I do have days when I stay in bed.
But like you pull myself together long enough to get my son out the door to school.
Thank you for your kind words.
Sending lots of love and care to yourself.


Dear Sheila26

Im so so sorry for your loss.
I cant imagine your pain not being able to say goodbye.
That must be so difficultfor you to try and cope with.
Congratulations on your new grandchild.
I understand going through the motions as mums I think we all have that button in us to do it.
I will definitely look into MacMillan and Marie Curie websites for help.

Very much appreciated for the advice.

Please stay strong.
Sending Love and hugs