I too feel like I’m going mad looking for signs and am now feeling like there just won’t be one. if anyone would have fought to show me he was still here I know HE would. My handbag and coat pockets are full of white feathers in case it’s him and I don’t want him to think I’m not taking notice and I am endlessly looking for a robin to come and visit me. When my partner worked at a yard he had a robin than visited him every day and he would send me pics and videos so I know if he could send me a sign he would know I would recognise it. My partner was 55 and it never once entered my mind we wouldn’t have this year and many more together. I spent New Year’s Eve in ICU with him begging him not to leave me. This life does not seem possible and I just don’t understand how this is now who I am.
Aww milicent yes unless you have been in this situation you cant understand and the emptiness is so consuming your really spot on there tears i didn’t think i had so many and the looking for signs even a small thing anything i have now so many pictures of my beautiful linda and i try and keep them in some kind of light be it candles or led lights i don’t want her in the dark that thought fills me with dread bit your words have given me some comfort i hope you find some comfort too talking on here 
oh gina yes i too look for any and all signs we had a set of twig lights in a big vase with three separate power packs just after linda passed they all stopped working which can understand one maybe two but not three at once esp as all in different sockets so maybe it was a sign we had robins and they come daily but we used to have grey wagtails come everyday but stopped coming back in spring linda was so upset but just after the funeral a pair reappeared in the garden again she would have been so happy if she had been here i was crying so much i just couldn’t stop so again i hope it was a sign i so hope you do have some signs and you get that wonderful feeling of your soulmate is close i truly do linda was two years younger than your hubby 53 you just cant take it in the question i keep asking is why no answer comes you make plans and cant ever contemplate that there not there now not even entered our thoughts that linda wouldn’t be here today tomorrow and for a long time to come i know how that feeling all to well gina I’m sorry you are here and wish you wasn’t as i do too it seems like a terrible bad dream but then you realise we are awake and it isn’t a dream its a nightmare huge hugs to you and Millicent take care everyone 
Martin
@Gina23 I’m so sorry to hear about your loss too. It’s all so painful and raw. None of us were ready for this. I thought I might feel a bit stronger after the funeral but I actually feel worse. Why is it the good ones are taken?? Can’t get my head around it at all. @Martin64 @Gina23 thanks for replying to me I am grateful xx
@NotRelevant I know things seem really bleak, but you have to remember all the good times you had too. Think early mornings and evenings are the worst for me. It’s ok to cry and be upset. It’s early days . I don’t want anyone else either but you have to live the life he would have wanted. In time we will all feel a bit stronger , but don’t beat yourself up it’s a tough time xx here for you xx
@NotRelevant that’s exactly it. You relive that moment over and over every day. I completely understand how you feel . None of us was prepared for life alone . Think all we can do is just keep chatting and talking to others in the same boat who understand
@Millicent-bystander its so true that why is it that the good ones ate taken to soon my linda always said that phrase she was a carer for many years and saw so many good people lost far too soon i never thought id be here now saying the very same thing about my babe good god it hurts so bad it was a pleasure replying to you I’m sorry your part of this family now unfortunately @NotRelevant yes it os so difficult seeing the world around us carry on but like you say were stuck in that groundhog day loop frozen yeah they say life goes on i ask that question why too over and over but no answer comes i wish i had an answer for you of whats the point but sorry i don’t I’m still trying to work that out myself too it is cruel horribly cruel it not how long you have been together its you were in love and the deeper in love the harder it is that seems to be the way it is sorry me and my linda were together 14 years but knew each other a lot longer first saw her 2004 i knew then she was special and an amazing person it just took 5 years to get together which i feel sad about it could have been so much longer being my soulmate the rest of your life is to remember them and keep there memory alive i think at least you got to be with him that in itself is a blessing like me being with my linda but it hurts like hell when thats taken sorry as you have now found out like all of us here it seems like thats the cost of true love try look after you please we are here for you
Martin
I lost my partner 3 weeks ago. She was 46 and it was such a shock. I feel so lost. The funeral isn’t for another 3 weeks and trying to organise it with her parents who seem to be taking control and I feel like I’m being over ridden on decisions.
We were together 15 years and we had such a wonderful life together and so many plans for the future!
Struggling to eat, sleep, function. I don’t really have any close friends, we were happy just us.
I have 3 grown up daughters but I can’t put on them any more than I already am doing.
It’s so hard!
@Bilisa1309 I’m sorry for you . It’s such a horrible and awful situation for you. I’m sure your daughters would be there for you. You need to off load, so try doing it on here. Everyone else is in the same boat as you. It’s all very raw for us all.
Here if can be any help
Thank you. I just have so many emotions rolling around. I’m scared, lonely, numb, shocked…I suppose they’re all feelings everyone here has felt at some point. I just don’t know where to turn or what I’m going to feel next. I just can’t even imagine a future without her.
@Bilisa1309 I know it’s so hard. You just feel totally lost and I feel like it too. My partner’s family have been amazing, but have all moved on with their memories. We hadn’t been together long so I don’t have that. You just feel like you can’t go forwards or backwards, just literally stuck in limbo . They don’t talk about him with me as they don’t know what to say, which I understand. It’s so hard on everyone, but makes you feel very alone . Too early to feel any different yet .
I lost my partner to pancreatic cancer on Dec 20th after 18 months of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and surgery - we had been together 52 months exactly (I was widowed suddenly 10 years ago) … I feel your pain. When my husband of 26 years died I had to carry on for our kids, I had to go back to work. This time my new true love has been taken from me - I dedicated my whole life to his care after diagnosis and I’m totally lost. I don’t know how to get through this again - but I can say the time we had in recent months was beyond tough. It’s a terrible disease - I watched Laurent shrivel and in pain for months - the surgery and after effects were gruelling and he never really recovered. At some level it’s good that your partner didn’t have to suffer a slow and painful decline. Such an awful cancer. Lots of love x
Awww @mel63 good grief you really have been through the mill I’m so sorry for both of your losses what an awful position to find yourself in i feel for you truly i lost my dad to cancer 3 years ago and now last October 8th lost my beautiful linda to covid we were together 14 years and due to get married this year linda was only 53 i just starting to find light after dad but this has just torn me apart she was my soulmate best friend and love im now having to look after and care for her mum who lives with us as my dad did too but just trying to get any help from carers here is astoundingly slow been trying since linda passed its just draining me of my whole being the brain fog just takes over cant sleep cant concentrate and Linda’s daughter is supposed to. Be getting married in 6 weeks but its 300 miles away from us so that thought is filling me with dread as mum is not very well and very immobile too my thoughts are with you at finding some kind of peace and solice in your journey on this terrible road and take care of you
Martin
@mel63 I am so sorry for your loss. It is indeed a terrible disease and caught far too late. My partner was given numerous antibiotics as they kept saying was a water infection. I can’t imagine the pain and suffering of you both through a terrible time . I do take some consolation that it was quick with minimal suffering. Just hard facing life without him now. We are all lost with our losses. Think we just have to face each day as it comes and do our best for now xx here for you xx🫶
I to look for signs my partner of 30 years is with me a d sadly find none! But I talk to him all the time and it does help. It is a very long journey to finding a life you didn’t plan and I am nowhere near that point and it will he a year since my partner died in March. However I have booked a holiday and that would never have happened a few months ago! So maybe glimpses of hope, only marred by the fact my son has a terminal cancer diagnosis, so I know I have to ho through it again.
@Carole25 Gosh I’m so sorry. Life is so so cruel . It’s such a lonely thing to go through. Even his family are now getting on with their lives so I can’t really talk to them. They are busy I get that .
I’m glad you have booked a holiday will do you good. Try and enjoy that when it comes.
Always here for a chat if I can help x