Recently bereaved. Disabled in army, published author, writer. Few if any money worries. Own house, jaguar. No family. Cannot write without my Penny. Listless. Sit in study armchair all day. Suicidal. No reason to get dressed except for domestic cleaner once a week. Need help. Please.

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Hi. Geoffrey. I have no doubt someone from the Sue Ryder Admin will come and tell you about services available if you feel you want to end it all. Please seek help. Going it alone is not an option. We all know how you feel because we have all been where you are with the same thoughts and emotions. It’s far too early to suggest anything other than take it a day at a time or even an hour at a time. Thoughts will go through your mind like a herd of elephants. This is all part of this awful painful process called grief. It is a process and nature’s way of helping us overcome the trauma. Give yourself space to grieve. This is an amazing site so when you come back, and I hope you will, you may find even more help. Take care of yourself. Blessings. John.

Geoffrey, keep talking to us. Tell us how you’re feeling. Read others’ posts and realise that they are feeling the same. Your Penny may have died but she’s not dead. She lives on in you. You say you can’t write at the moment so perhaps begin by writing a letter to your wife. Believe me, it can help. Sending love and strength x

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Hi Geoffrey,

I’m so sorry to hear about your Penny, and that you are feeling suicidal. Have you been making plans to harm yourself or to end your life? If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Even if you have not been making plans to harm yourself, it is still really important to talk to someone and get support with suicidal feelings.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.

You deserve care and support so please, Geoffrey, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,

Geoffrey please get in touch with someone it’s very hard when losing the love of your life I lost my husband 2 months ago the feelings are intense your not alone please get some help

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All I have is my faith. The problem there is that suicide is is a mortal sin. Thank you.

Thank you for reading my note. I am a soldier and in tears

Geoffrey, I am so sorry that your wife has died and left you utterly bereft. everyone on this forum has felt the despair that engulfs us and will understand how difficult it is to see a purpose.
However being a soldier and in tears are not mutually exclusive. As a military man do you have access to the many organisations that exist to help ex-servicemen? My father died last June aged 97. He was in the army for 25 of those years but he retained his military mindset to his dying day. Perhaps you could relate to someone who understands the mind of a soldier more easily than those who have never experienced the discipline of military life.
It’s a bit like those of us on this forum reaching out to others who have been bereaved. Only they understand.
I don’t wish in any way to be patronising but you clearly need someone who can help ease the immediate agony of grief.
None of us has all the answers. Since my husband died suddenly last November I don’t recognise my life or myself but talking with others on this forum is helping me.
Reach out like we all do and someone will come to your aid. Take care.


Thank you. I have saved this

Thank you so much

Sue Ryders video slots have no vacancies. I can only stay alive in the short term by becoming helplessly drunk., Priscilla. As a soldier I want to die, can die, but only the fifth commandment is holding me back. I do not want to lessen my chances of seeing Penny again by imperelling my mortal soul. Something of course helping others in th Army did not do. Because most of my work was helping those less fortunate.

Hi Geoffrey,

Yes, I’m sorry, I’m afraid there is a short waiting list for our counselling service at the moment, but we have recently taken on new counsellors, so people are now getting seen quite quickly - I believe it should be a matter of weeks rather than months. You can email to be added to the waiting list.

It’s important to find ways to keep yourself safe for now, even if these are short term things until you can access counselling. This could mean calling the Samaritans, or contacting your GP for an emergency appointment.

Samaritans are great