I’m sitting here on my own again on a Saturday night. All I can think is why did you go, We had a fabulous holiday in Scotland in September last year and then you gave up. He never said how he felt until it was too late, After nearly 44 years together he went in February this year, Okay so life wasn’t perfect but we were really soul mates and I find it so difficult to cope. The new little cats help but you’re not here. What on earth should I do?


I feel like that too. Although of coursevi know shy logicLly shy hecdjed but emotionally i think these thought’s.
We dudnt have recent holidays as we couldn’t cope with it but we used to go to the grounds in Blenheim not too far away. Say not much different there to miles away.
He had go keep lots of appointments at out patients.
Now I potter arounx slowly alone in the garden. I have a new table, chair and sun shade. I wander in and out. I try tk distract myself but i don’t settle very well. The deep freeze needs sorting and need to try again. The garage needs tidying clearing and try to force myself. The bins need sorting so cut back the overgrown bushes.
Then i stop znd go inside to hide and givevin go overwhelming tiredness and lament.

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@Enorac @Guineapig65 . It is so tough isnt it. I spent Saturday evening crying and feeling like it had just happened all over again . I miss my lovely husband so much. I am finding less motivation than the first few weeks to get anything done. It is all so sad. Take care.


Hi again @Guineapig65 .

Evenings are probably the most difficult times, aren’t they! We have a quiet environment, and its easy to let our minds wander, asking questions and trying to understand why its happened. I know I did!
But in many times like these, there is no answer. I had to come to terms with it, it just happens, its just one of the things life gives us. Its no one’s fault, it is the way it is.
All you can do is try to be brave, and start thinking about how you would like the next chapter of your life to be, then bit by bit head towards this new life. Not easy, but make him proud that you can do this. You’ll be proud of yourself as well!!!


Thank you tykey your comments on my post, plus others who have mentioned me. I’d had a reflective day on Saturday with our grown up daughter and she appears to be having difficult times as well. We talked at length and all though at times we spoke about Keef’s shortcomings and annoyances over the years it felt quite cathartic in a way. It was probably having spent most of the day with our daughter reflecting which enabled me to look at things differently and how I’m not really coping at times, despite what my friends seem to think. Once I’m at home in the evening with my little cats I do spend time reflecting and questioning so many things but in the morning I am able to look at things in a very different light. I have decided that evenings can be dreadful for a while and I shouldn’t beat myself up about it, it’s about being honest with what I’m having to deal with. it just seemed to happen so quickly and he was only 63, my little “toyboy” I used to call him as I’m a couple of years older than him. Life does go on and I still have my two grown up children and two gorgeous grandchildren to live for.


Well done @Guineapig65 . Almost all relationships have their problems, if we are honest with ourselves.
I used to vacillate between “everything was perfect” and " she really hurt me at times".
That was the most difficult hurdle to overcome. Neither position gave me any comfort.
But talking to those who were special friends to us both(as you did with your daughter) helped me to realise that neither were correct, the answer lay somewhere in between. ie it was nobody’s fault, it was both our faults.
I could then forgive both of us! And I have!