Help 😭

:sob: today, my dad basically told me he wants to sell the house. Legally I part own it, but he said he can take me to court, & get a judge to force a sell. My dad has been verbally & mentally abusive with me all year, this feels like the last straw in a line of last straws. I’m scared of being made homeless. I have health problems that are aggravated by stress, so all this is just going to make me more ill, :sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob:. What makes it all worse, as it’s the weekend, I can’t even get advice from citizens advice, or anything till Monday morning, so again, for the 100th time this year, dad has stressed me passed breaking point, left me feeling suicidal, & then left me completely on my own in the house, while he goes off to his girlfriend’s, :woman_facepalming:t2::pensive:. It’s not ok! It’s not ok for him to treat me like this. I have family members I can phone, but at the end of the day, they can only really offer moral support, & occasionally hugs. My mom passed away 2 years ago, I’m special needs, mom used to be the one to look after me, & help me with these kinds of things, I’m vulnerable, I need support, I need help, & I need my mom :sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob:. My boyfriend is an absolute sweetheart, but he lives with his parents, so moving in with him isn’t an option :pensive:. It’s all such a mess, & because it’s Saturday, I can’t do anything till Monday morning. Tomorrow especially is going to be torture, 24 hours with nothing to do but stress & worry about it. As for the future, I feel I don’t have one, with too greater chance of being made homeless, :pensive::sob::woman_facepalming:t2:. My dad must really hate me to be putting me through all this.
I love my boyfriend very much, I have waited a lifetime to meet him, & he was well worth the wait, he is the only thing stopping me from giving in to my suicidal thoughts, because I know it would break his heart, :sob::broken_heart:.


Sorry for your situation. I think you will find that if you own part of the house he can’t sell without your consent. Try Google for some information it might put your mind at rest till you can get legal advice. Did your mum make a will not being nosey but if she left part to you then thats a legal document. Try not to worry he’s perhaps just saying that to get a response it a big thing to sell and move so much stress . Hope you can get the right answers asap.


Hi @Misprint,
Thank you for your reply, my portion was gifted to me when mom & dad made their wills so it’s in my name, but it’s a “residential ownership” which means he can take me to court, we both make our cases, & it’s up to the judge to decide, if he rules to force a sale, there’s nothing I can do

I don’t pretend to know anything about British law, but even if they force a sale you would presumably have a relatively large cash windfall to use for a new start. Perhaps with your boyfriend?

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Hi @AceHigh ,
My portion of the house is not large enough, I would get an estimated 5 figure sum, not enough to buy with, in theory would be the right side for a deposit, if only I could get the money to buy with, but being on benefits, I can’t even get a mortgage because I would be classed as a liability, :pensive:. I know you’re trying to help, thank you for that, sending hugs.

@Pandaprincess Hi so so sorry you find yourself in this position, it must be incredibly stressful. My wife was on long term ESA before she passed and we looked into mortgages some time ago. We never went forward with it for various reasons but we did discover that you can get mortgages on benefits. I’ve linked an article that goes into in more depth and if you google there will be more info out there, if you have a deposit it may be a route that is open to you. Take care and good luck

Benefits and Mortgages

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Thank you @Walan for this info, I’ll look into it :+1:t2:.

Hi, I had something happen today, that I wanted to share, this morning I spoke to citizens advice, as I was walking back to my boyfriend’s house, there was a busker, he sang listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, as I walked into the square where he was singing, it was that moment that he sang, “the only girl I care about has gone away, looking for a brand new start, little does she know that when she left that day, along with her she took my heart,” it may sound nutty, but I could sense my mom, (passed away 2 years ago,) & I felt she was saying, “it’s time for me to make a new start, in a new home,” :heart:.


Hi all,
I hope everyone is coping ok in this cold wet weather :umbrella:.
I thought I’d update on how I’m getting on with the “new home” search, basically, because I part own the house I live in I don’t qualify for council housing, even with my disabilities, I also don’t qualify for supported care, even though my disabilities are long term, & not always safe on my own. I looked into getting a mortgage on benefits, ( thank you @Walan for the info, it was very helpful :+1:t2:) , it is possible to get a mortgage depending which benefits your on, though there are only limited places that will lend to someone on benefits, but also being on benefits can also limit how much they’ll loan you, part of the problem is my income is all benefits, & I’m trying to find somewhere on my own, if I were looking as a couple, with someone with a stable income, they would could loan me/us more, but on my own with my limited income, & even looking for the cheapest place I can find, I’m still a bit short, but talking to citizens advice again, they suggested looking into support from charities & grants to try & top up the bit I’m short. I’m also looking at private renting, but prices have gone up so much, like with everything, that again, though I can claim a limited amount in universal credit to cover rent, everywhere I look, it’s either a bit too much above my budget, & some places put little clauses in the tenancy agreements like “you must be earning at least 3 times the rent amount to live here,” “you must give references from your current employer as proof of income,” I’m finding it all very challenging, gladly I inherited my mom’s stubbornness, & I’m persistent I’ll find something. I’ve come to the conclusion I need to attack this from a more financial angle. I even looked into shared ownership schemes, but again I can’t afford it :woman_facepalming:t2:, & too much risk of losing the lot.
:thinking: It’s certainly a puzzle :jigsaw:, to which I think it needs a creative solution.

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Hi Pandaprincessl,
I do not know if you have heard of the Attendance Allowance. (It is not means tested.) The allowance helps pay for your personal care.

It is for people of state pension age or over.

It’s paid at 2 different rates and how much you get depends on the level of care that you need because of your disability.

You could get £68.10 or £101.75 a week to help with personal support if you’re both:

You only have a month to fill in the form and send it back. I if you miss the dead line, you will have wait a year before you can apply again.

I am not sure if the phone number is correct, I got it from a friend. - Tel: 0800 731 0122

I hope it will help you. - Please pass it on. - Nick

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Hi @Nick22 ,
Thanks for the info, sadly I’m only 38, so don’t qualify, but thanks anyway, I know you’re trying to help.

Can’t believe we’re into November already, where has the year gone. I miss mom :pensive::sob:. I’m scared of getting stuck here, I can’t go through another year like this year has been, … I need a way out, & I’ll admit I’m starting to panic. I don’t know what to do. I feel I can’t do this on my own, I need help, I need support, I’ve even called adult social care 3 separate times, explaining that I’m alone, not coping, & seriously need support to help me with this, but each time I just get told I don’t qualify for support, or am told “someone will get back to you”, but they don’t, :woman_facepalming:t2::sob:. I need an experienced hand to guide me through this, I need mom. I feel trapped, & I don’t know what else to do.

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Hi Pandaprincess,

you are right, the year went very quickly. I guess it is because there is a big gap in our lives now and our brain is not working as it should. We also need something to look forward to. - I often go for a walk in the park, spoiling the dogs with treats. I know it is not much, but it does help. I just wish the weather would be better. I am also lucky because I talk to an old friend of my brother on Jitsi, it also helps (he is 85 years old). This friend lost his wife three years ago and we talk a lot. - There are times when he is watching TV and I am here on this website reading. But, it still feels as if the friend is just in the next room. - I also joined a bereavement group and we meet once a month. We just talk and drink coffee. (I is organized by the local church.)

Perhaps there is a bereavement support near you. - Nick

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Hi @Nick22,
Thanks for your response, I will look into bereavement support groups near me, :+1:t2: that’s a great idea.

We used to have a dog, he was a cocker spaniel cross, I know what you mean, pets are extremely comforting when dealing with bereavement, dogs especially, they’re so affectionate & give you someone to focus on, keep you going, & going for walks I always found helps to get me out of any negative head space I might be in, & I guess it’s reassuring to know someone else is there. I don’t know about you, but I also found talking to my pets helpful, they’re none-judgemental, & good listeners.

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Hi Pandaprincess,

I only have one cat left now. My brother’s cats Tommy and Jack are no longer with me but I still have Tammy. (My cat Fluffy died in March this year.) Tammy is behaving strangely lately but I do not know why. She was in the room when my brother died of a heart attack in February last year. Tammy started cuddling late last year but but stopped again about two months ago. I cannot work it out. Cats can be very stubborn. I miss her cuddles and I have to cuddle her on the window sill now.

Here is a photo taken by my neighbour few days ago. (The neighbour fed her when I was in hospital last year and Tammy visits her from time to time. Perhaps she does not like the food I give her. - I have spoiled her with chicken the last few months.)

She is calling me now and I have to obey. OK, I am back now. - Nick

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