Help

Hi all. Think this must be only my third post. So glad to have found you. Today however I am feeling so so low. Can’t see any hope that the rest of my life is not going to be the hell that it is now. That sound so lame and I am sure some of you that are perhaps stronger in character must ink me a whimp. You may be right. It’s be four months since I lost my sole mate, my best friend the love of my life. Help.
B x

I think we all have days feeling like that and there may be things that make it more likely. I’m probably going to spend most of the day at home as I’m tired from a hard day walking. I may not see another person all day. I didn’t sleep well as I couldn’t relax until about 4.00 am. Add all that lot together and I’m probably going to have long periods of introspection and dwell on things. For me I’ve found that distraction works up to a point and I’ve managed to experience periods of being interested and even some enthusiasm. That’s not to say any of that would work for you.
I think there’s almost certainly a causal relationship between thinking too deeply about things and feeling down. How do we avoid thinking about our loss, our future, etc… no idea other than to train our mind to think about other things. Distraction may be good, talking to others about things that grab your attention, avoiding being solitary for too long, taking up a new activity. It’s all a big challenge and it’s easier not to.
It’s five months for me and I’m still scared of everything but hopefully things will not be as difficult tomorrow, next week, next month.

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Im so sorry for your loss.
Please don’t think you’re lame and I can assure nobody on here thinks you are a wimp. We are all struggling. My wife died on 2nd of July and I don’t know how I have made it till now. Margaret had bowel cancer and died 3 weeks after diagnosis she was 51 and I am 52 and like you I can’t see a future at the minute

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YorkshireLad1950.
Thanks for your reply, and it has helped. Nice to know that I am not alone in how I feel. I too do not sleep to well. It is so quite when I go to bed that I put on the tv in the bedroom and then I eventually fall asleep only to wake at 4am with the TVs playing to a sleep viewer my glasses askew. Some days it takes longer to get going . I think I need something to do. I am retired so no job to go to, bit of a boring person really, no hobbies, but am seriously thinking of getting a puppy. Thanks for listening -YorkshireLad1950
-B.

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Several people have suggested I get a dog.
We had dogs for years and they were my frequent walking companions. I’ve deliberately put off making that decision as it’s a big responsibility anda dog would need to fit into my future so still considering that.
I retired when I was 52, and that’s 16 years ago. My wife insisted that I got lots of interests so that I didn’t get under her feet and cramp her style. I really glad she took that line as I’ve now returned to several of the things I did prior to her illness.
The problem is with sleeping we don’t need as much sleep as we get older and it’s more likely if we actually need it, as in getting physically tired.
It is a challenge to find appropriate things to do if you’ve no hobbies. I find art to be very therapeutic, both drawing and painting and it’s something anybody can do with little cost. I can lose myself for hours when drawing. And it can be quite tiring after concentrating for so long.

Like you a number of people have suggested I get a dog so I don’t feel so alone and have to get out.
Its still far too soon for me to make such a big decision though.
There was a compromise in that I have borrowed my son’s two dogs (one would have been enough but there was no choice) they have helped in getting me out on long walks , giving me something to do and the affection they show is second to none.
Though the latter may well be due to their desire for food treats!

Hi
I have had a bereavement recently my mum
I have searched for groups where I could go but to no avail
Maybe a group could be set up where we can all chat ?
Just a thought

Hi James. I know Cruse are working with the Red Cross to set up groups. The project is called More Than Words and I had an email to say the first meeting is this month. I may have attended but it was an early start for anyone travelling there. Maybe they will be oiged to take that into account. You may find similar group near you.
I think this forum almost works as a chat group plus lots of other potential benefits. I don’t doubt someone here would know about social media groups.

I missed saying it was in Leeds and I’m not sure how the word obliged got so mangled.

Hello, I’m Beccy. I’m new. I lost my partner on the 15th December 2018, he was my whole life. Like u I don’t work and don’t have any hobbies, it hurts so much and I’m at a loss of what to do now.

Hello Beccy. I won’t say welcome as non of us want to be here really, but I have found that ‘talking’ to all these nice understanding people does help me. I lost Brian on the 10th November. He too was my life, soul mate, best friend. I am so sorry that you have no hobbies as this really does help. We have our allotments and as I now have double the amount to look after, it keeps me busy and helps as I can have a chat or get a friendly wave at least. I do cry as I work but no one notices. I’m also a keen walker, can’t do the distances I used to but still get out for a few hours with my lovely dogs. Have you any walking groups by you. We have’ health walks’ organised by the NHS, I don’t do them yet, but they are easy and just cover the local area’s. See if you have anything like this near you. Very sociable. I have been asked to do voluntary work at the local charity shop, they are crying out for helpers, might be a thought for you. What about your local hospital, coffee bar helpers always seem to be needed. Go to your local library and see what they have on their notice board. There are knitting meetings by us, not for me I’m afraid but will suit others. We have painting classes two days a week. I was going to join but then found that it was abstract painting, don’t like abstract. Is there a food bank near you they usually want helpers. Have you a dog, if not give it a thought. You have something to look after and love and believe me they will reward you a thousand times over with their unconditional love. Dog walkers always chat, so you will meet people. Plenty of rescue dogs in desperate need. So hard I know but do try to find something you can do to get you out.

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