Permission. Permission is the sense I get with this quote. It’s something I think I’ve been craving for lately as with time, people forget where you seem to be so stuck.
I came across this today and it punched. This is exactly how I feel with grief and the current pandemic. I feel I’ve been in this state the last five months and if anything, it’s been almost comforting seeing others now locked in their house with their thoughts. Not to say they didn’t do this before now - but now they HAVE to. Prisoners in our own homes.
I don’t really have much else to say, I feel as though all I do these days is repeat myself. I don’t have anything new to add, because the option for possibilities has now been taken away from us. Conversation is growing harder for me as I’m finding myself boring and almost mundane. My partner stays glued to his phone as if it was his lifeline. I can’t talk to anyone! I’m going mad!!
I’ve been feeling my Dad with me a lot this week. It’s been gorgeous weather and Dad would’ve been out sunbathing so I decided I’d do it for him. Growing up - I HATED sunbathing. I found it so boring, I could never sit at peace and I was too young to get stuck into books and just stayed indoors playing video games whilst Dad sunned himself all day long. He had the most amazing tan, proper Indian like brown. He did stay at Tanfield Walk and we always joked how fitting it was and that he had to upkeep the name! Now it’s my turn, and the last couple of days sitting in the garden, I’ve been surrounded by Bumblebee’s, Butterflies and the sound of motorbikes in the distance.
The only heartbreaking thing is that I have a family of neighbours next door and usually it’s the Father and Daughter out in their garden just over the wall… it breaks my heart to watch them as they remind me so much of my Dad and I.
These feelings of gut wrenching heartache will never leave but how can I manage them better?
What’s people been doing during lockdown that’s brought them joy?
Sending love and best wishes to everyone.
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Hi. Watt. I think if anyone finds joy in this awful situation they are very fortunate. I can only suggest ‘acceptance’. This is difficult but facing facts and accepting that they exist is crucial for mental health. There’s not a thing we can do about it but obey the rules.
This is a real testing time for us all. Those who fall by the wayside must be supported and given hope. Mentally we are only seeing the tip of the iceberg of what is to come. It stands to reason that isolating people will cause mental problems. Us humans need each other. We need to be close to one another. You say the feelings will never leave. True up to a point. You will never ever forget but the pain does lessen. At least I have found it so.
‘Permission’ is an interesting thought. We have to give ourselves permission to grieve. So many find it difficult and can’t let go. Emotions must be allowed to express themselves or they can turn inwards and cause more problems. We must NEVER be ashamed of our emotions. We are human and they are there for a purpose, to relieve the awful stress we suffer. You are not boring or mundane, you just think you are.
“As a man is in his heart so is he”. If you continue to tell yourself that you are boring then it can becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.
Changing thinking is not easy, especially if we are brought up to push aside unwanted thoughts. Children are told ‘if its’ not fun don’t do it’. But life is not fun. Far from it. What makes us think life is going to be easy?
When young with all the expectations we have, we go blissfully along mostly unaware of the holes in the road as our journey progresses.
Then with a big bump we can come to a halt. Life is suspended in this awful grief. It is temporary and, given the will we can move on painfully. This life is a journey we are all on. Some find it hard some easy. It’s not luck or fate but just as things are. Looking for reasons or answers is futile.
If we can accept ‘what is’ and not what we would like things to be it does remove some of the stress.
Five months is not long to be in grief. Give yourself more time. But do it without putting yourself down. This situation is going to bring out the best and the worse in everyone. You can mange things better if you accept things more. No fighting or struggling with ‘IT’. You know the ‘IT’ I mean. It takes time for acceptance to work but it does.
Take care. Blessings and best wishes to you too. John.
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