helping dad

I have been here for many months now,well since my beloved mum past away last October,she was the heart of our family,we all relied on her so much but none more so than my dad.They were together for 58 years and were soul mates through and through.I have never known any one more in love then they were,they did not have friends as they only needed each other so when she passed away dad took it very bad,we all have.We are a very close family and even more so now but are at a lose as how we can help my dad any more than what we are doing.A month after she past away my dad went to stay with his sister in America as he could not face being in the house alone,we all said he could stay/live with one of us but he wanted to go so he went out there for 2 months,we kept in touch calling him a few times a week and when he came back he did seem a little better,only a week after his return he told us he wanted to go over and live there for good,we were all shocked and hurt by it but he is still waiting to see if they will accept him into the country,he thinks this is the only way he can cope with the rest of his life,he is a broken man to see him as we do most days is heart breaking,he is fading away in front of our eyes from the sadness he feels from mum’s passing,i dont know what will happen if he gets turned down and they dont accept him,i hate to think.We all do every thing we can for him,cook his dinners,take him out,he is with one of us every day,what else can we do?

I’m sorry Sasha to read about your devastating loss and what your family are going through, You must be fraught with worry over your Dad whilst grieving yourselves as well. The really sad thing is that he probably doesn’t even know himself how you can help him. It’s impossible as well to read another person’s thoughts and this makes things really hard doesn’t it. Do you think somehow he is mentally still “searching” for your Mum or maybe even thinking if he is not in the Country he can avoid painful reminders. I can understand why it’s so upsetting. I don’t know if you are a reader but the website “What’s Your Grief” is great and there are many articles that you may find helpful. Your Dad must be really anxious about how he is going to adapt after such a huge loss, I hope things fall into place for you all as much as they can do. Sending compassionate thoughts to you, take care.

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Sasha my passed 4wks agoand my heart breaks watching my dad. He is going to Australia in October for 6wks and I know he will not be in a hurry to return. You are all doing the best you can same as we are for my dad. I do hope your dad finds some peace if he does go to America and even if he doesnt.
Thoughts are with you. xx

Hi Sasha1,

I’m so sorry to hear that your beloved mum passed away in October. It sounds like you’re an extremely close and loving family, but this must be such a difficult time trying to support your dad whilst moving through your own grief.

It may be that your dad isn’t quite sure what he needs or what help he’s looking for, so he’s just doing what feels best at the moment. Have you spoken to him about what you can do to help? From your message it’s clear that you and your family are already doing so much and being so caring. Truthfully it may be that there’s nothing else you can do beyond what you already are doing, but continuing to have those conversations about what each of you needs could prompt something.

Take care of yourself,
Online Community Manager

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