hi everyone on here,guess we are all going through something we never thought we we would ever experience,right? We were strong,knew what was ahead of us and we could cope.Then after dealing with all the practical things of losing a loved one.we fell apart. I have read so many posts on here that are so sad,but I want to move on.I would rather have a few months of something that makes me feel normal,part of the world again , as opposed to just being sad and miserable for the next twelve months.its to much! Does that make me a bad person?
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Hi @maggi7
I don’t think this makes you a bad person at all! I hope that we don’t feel miserable and the rest of the feelings for too long, it’s draining and heart wrenching.
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So glad you agree
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I talk with his mom daily, they were really close. I feel that the more I reach out, the more I grow. I am actually saying that I expect to be able to be happy and feel normal again. I have even had a couple of days where I found myself laughing, it felt good. But then I know I shouldn’t, but I felt guilty for it. Tom wants me and my boys to be happy and healthy and I 100% agree. I just hope it is possible. I was told that it’s like waves when when it’s calming down you get hit with another. That’s okay. The fact I am being creative and I really do feel I feel again it’s not always the best feeling but it’s definitely not numb. I am enjoying my creative outlet and appreciate you for wanting to be happy. So do I. Thank you. I want to just hug everybody if I thought it would make anybody feel better. I love this group community. I feel myself growing around this grief and I know it’s always going to be there but I will get stronger. 
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You will get stronger and enjoy life but differently. It’s 16 months since my husband died. Initially there was lots to sort out things to do. Then I realised how numb I was just going through the motions. In this second year I am back to normal, feeling things more , crying more and missing him more. But I dont feel despair I am happy just the need to carve another life for myself. I don’t want to but it is necessary to feel fulfilled again and have purpose. I was his carer for 5 years and worked too I have to fill that gap and I know he wanted me to. I think I have to be careful to make a new life and not go looking to be a carer again. My dad has dimentia and I offered him to move in use husbands room all equipped . He with help of controlling sister refused . But I’m thankful now as it wouldn’t be me getting my life back just filling a role I’ve done for so long. Familiar with .
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Anyone out there?
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It’s not that easy, you might feel like this today, I guarantee tomorrow you won’t and that’s how grief effects you. I’m still getting the tears and it’s almost a year on. I don’t know what to make of my life, it could be a lot better but doing on my own makes it worse. I guess my only hope is 1 day I see mum again, I want that so much like so everyone on here.
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Yes, I feel very alone too - I know what you mean, feels like the world has gone sometimes
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I hate the world
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@Keith68 - you’re right. The situation is the same today but the sun is out, the sky is blue and there’s sunflowers growing in a nearby garden……baby steps but just helps get me through
But you gave to live life and find a way forward that’s what your mum would want. It is difficult but you have to try.
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