Helping mum

I lost my dad in May this year at 80 years old and realy can’t seem to help mum at all .They was married 58 years and she’s totally lost .We are a big family and call and ring as much as we can but she’s still very low .I take her out and she lives near me so I see her alot but nothings helping .She’s says there long days and I get that but we after work and can’t be there all the time .I feel guilty when I do take a day to myself as I think I shud be with mum.We lost also my sister 8 years ago soum knows about grief but loosing dad is totally different.

Hi, I feel for your mum because they had been married for all those years and been through so much and now she is on her own and that is the hard bit about her losing your dad. She will be feeling lonely and lost so please don’t think there much you can do only let her talk that’s if she will. The loss of your sister is a different kind of loss to your mum being left alone now your dad has gone. She will feel that the days are long, she has no one to look after, to do things for or cook and clean for. All those things she has spent the last 60 odd years doing, there is now only her and being 80 she will find it difficult to think about the future. I know I am must likely telling you things you know already. Things will not be easy for her and we older people find it hard to talk about what we are feeling. Just keep a watchful eye and see how she goes. If she’s active then helper her to keep active. My bother in law got a cat and he’s older than your mum and that’s has given him something to worry about. (Cat rescue and it’s a couple of years old)
Hope something in this post helps. S xx

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Thankyou for your lovely reply susie m we have been looking at getting mum a little dog for company as she’s not active at the moment as waiting a new hip so think that gets her down too .Like she says her minds willing but her body is not .we do talk alot about him and my sister so that’s good .She could come live with me but where she lives she as very good neighbours who pop in every day and my nephew and niece live near so I’d be taking that away from her as I’d be at work .Thanks again for your message x