Visited the mother in law after funeral service yesterday for my wife aged 53. Her mum is 87 and I noticed she had only received 1 card. I felt so sad, so much that I had to leave. I’m thinking or sending the mother in law’s sisters pre filled in cards and stamped envelopes so they can send a card with it costing them. Or should I just leave it. 1 of them turned up at funeral with the smallest of flowers. (they are not poor. Property abroad) should I do it or just leave it. Don’t want to cause stress to mother in law as she is fragile and I am now the only one looking after her
Sad if you not got enough on your plate I would have to speak with them personally.
You are in a very vulnerable place at present, so soon after losing your partner and you will feel more emotions than six - twelve months ago. My only thoughts are take care and don’t let things get to you. An old saying is “tomorrow is another day” and what we think is right today may not be tomorrow. Look after yourself. S
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I am so sorry about that. The only reason i can think of is that, whe someone dies, it is their other half one thinks about first. I could say the same - I got loads of cards, my daughters only got a few, yet they have far more friends than we had. Sad, but the norm I think, so don’t get upset by it.
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Her mum has 2 very wealthy sisters ( my wife’s aunts). They could not even be bothered. Just shows you can’t choose family.
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That is very true but at least you can choose your friends. I would like to have known your wife - she sounds like a lovely person. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can find strength.
Ann
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Hi that is really sad and hurtful, I wonder if it’s anything to do with COVID if older people Are not being able to go out and get cards get to The post office, I know younger people find it easier to find other ways but perhaps to challenging for the older community. I have recently lost my son ( age 23 ) and couldn’t bear the cards ( it’s the second child I’ve lost) and I’ve put them in a box to read when I’m stronger ,wonder if that may be similar for your mother in law ? Wishing you lots of love and I feel your mother in law is so lucky to have you, try share your memories together and to treasure some closeness between you knowing you both loved the same person Who is so loved and important to you both take care xx
How kind of you to worry about your wifes mother when you too have lost . lot. There is nothing wrong with sending flowers or a card to your mum in law but make sure they are from you. If you want to have a word with them on the qt thats fine tell them you don’t want to cause extra hurt or stress or cause trouble at this time. Its just that you love your mum in law so much and are worried about her and you can don’t understand why they didn’t send anything. Maybe they did express themselves in a different way. I myself didn’t want any cut flowers because it upsets me when they die. Luckily the people that where kind enough to give me something gave me plants, I was given three orchids. 2 from people at work and 1 from my mums ex-bosses. The thing is cards come from people that knew both people or from your wifes friends which would usually give to you , the people that would usually think of your mother in law would be her family and her friends. You can’t make people do something they don’t want to do you can only choose what you do. Keep visiting her and share your memories of your wife let her tell you about your wife as a child both of you will get something out of it. And if sisters aren’t interested you can’t make them. My mums sisters are no longer speaking to me because they percieve that my brother and my nephew looked after my mum and I did nothing when in fact it was the other way round which my dads family and my mums friends and my work and the hospital nurses and carers could attest to but there perception comes from talking to said nephew on facebook. What I mean is you cant pick your families the only part of your family you get to pick is your partner. I am sure your mother in law realises by now what her sisters are like and she must be very grateful for your company and the fact that you loved her daughter and want to remain part of her life now that your wife is gone. She will cherish you and you can cherish her memories. It is very gallant of you to be annoyed on her behalf I am sure that she would appreciate your gallantry. You could both make some new memories and plan what to do on anniversaries that you both will share. If she has grandchildren through you and your wife. then you could get them to make some cards for their gran. They will give her a lot of joy. You certainly have some weight on your shoulders at this time I hope you have other people in your life that is supporting you through this whether it be your friends or your family. Thinking of you.
To Jayne2
You have been through a lot it is so very hard to lose a beloved child more than any other loss but to have lost too. My heart goes out to you. You seem such a strong person I do so hope that you have lots of support in real life to help you with what you are going through. I too know what you mean about cards there are somethings you need to put away for later as you can’t deal. Your words were lovely and thoughtful.