Do what ever is right for you. Take care
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I wish I had visitors to refuse……
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Julia12.I am so sorry you have had so much loss in your life.Fortunatly,i have a brother and sister,and their families,althought they both live 3 hours away in opposite directions.My son’s and DILs have full jobs,the youngest lives 3 hours away,one lives an hour away and the eldest in Ireland. The eldest stayed a fortnight after his Dad died ,not been over since but rings every week.The youngest tries to come up every 4th weekend.,and the middle boy,i go to their house for Friday night supper,or Sunday lunch.I class myself lucky that i have them,but in the week,it is just me.Lonliness is terrible, but also am not ready to join any clubs,or meet new people.I just wish i coukd see him pull up in his car,or walk through the door,the ache to see him is palpable,to see him smile, to even sit through one of his boring fishing programs, i would give anything anything.,for one last chance to hold him.I know we will get through this terrible time,even one good day is a bonus…
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Hi ,I went through a similar experience. My lovely husband of 41 years was diagnosed with oesophagal cancer on May 2nd and died exactly 7 weeks and 12 hours later , I am still reeling from the shock of it all. I miss him so much
7 wee
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JAH24 your note about not getting dressed and refusing visit made me smile, thank you have not smiled much today
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Its hard to smile isnt it …
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Its really hard isnt it …theres nothing i can say to make you feel better .
But you are among friends here who feel the same .sending hugs x
Thanks Julia12 the support from you and all this community is amazing not sure how I would cope if this was not available
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Loisp, Sorry for your loss, On here we are all on this painful journey It is so recent for you that you a probably still in shock. Look after yourself. Do not forget to eat and drink. Have you any support from family or friends ? I have found this site a great help, so come on here for a chat, a rant against the world or a ramble, if there is something you want to say, this is a good place to say it. Hopefully you will get answered with things that you find helpful. I lost my Darling wife of 52 years in April 2024. so you are not alone. If you feel really bad please speak to your GP / doctor. Sending you a big hug, like from your brother.
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Nedh
Thank goodness this site is here for us all. We can say how we are feeling and know others are listening and caring
Take care everyone.
Phoebe
It is good that you have some family.
I have but they live in London. I love them but the love of a husband/wife /partner is a different love the loneliness we now experience without them never goes away.Thinking of everyone.
I had my first lot via the nhs. You can self refer. Very useful and helpful. Then I had another with sue Ryder. Helped no end but now I’m going thro a bad time again so am waiting to talk to sue Ryder again. It helps because the person you are speaking to is not emotionally connected to your loss. I found after a few weeks I could talk about absolutely anything and they listened
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I have councilling with Brake .
But id like the Nhs one .do you have a link please ? X
Hi Siggs,
To be honest i have not had any family or friends here since Sue’s funeral, over 5 months ago. I make excuses for them,they live a long way away etc. Other times i blame myself what have i said or done ? Am i evil ? Then i remember how we have always tried to help them, travelling to see them when needed at a drop of hat.
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Nightwish
That’s so hard for you not seeing friends and family.
You are not evil! We tend to always blame ourselves.
Do your family know how you really feel. I tried at first to protect my family from how I felt but now but I knew they couldn’t fully understand. Sometimes they don’t know what to do to help so they stay away which is not good for either.
I told my sons I was now very lonely cried a lot etc. At least they know.
We all need human contact. We want our soulmates back but we know we can’t.
My daughter cut of all contact with myself and sons 11 months after Keith died. I kept reaching out to her but have not seen her for nearly a year. She lives 10 minutes away.
We all helped her but the loss of her and her adopted son has made life even more difficult.
Hope you manage to get some support from strangers who will listen to you until friends and family see you.
Take care.
I am sorry about your daughter and adopted son.
It’s hard i have tried, people have there own lives. I got promised a vist in June,what never happened. The sad thing is i didn’t expect it to. I do go to a bereavement coffee morning every 2 or 3 weeks.
I don’t know if it makes it harder as i am withdrawing more into myself. 25 weeks tonight maybe i should be further on.
Take care
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@Nightwish1
Loneliness is the most terrible thing.
The days are just so long and I don’t have the motivation to do “normal” things to help fill the day.
People definitely can be a massive disappointment, with their empty promises and guaranteed let downs.
No one quite cares enough, or at all, do they?
Their lives carry on as normal, untouched by our loss and grief, whilst our world has been obliterated.
I can understand how as time goes by, you can withdraw into yourself, when you don’t have contact and support.
But sadly, not everyone has that.
Thank God for the ‘Bereavement Cafe’ near you.
There’s nothing like that where I am, nothing at all.
The weird thing is I’m extremely lonely but don’t necessarily want people around me. Does that even make any sense?
I just desperately miss my darling partner and want him back, although I know that can never be.
I have found myself reaching out (by phone/text) to people that I wouldn’t necessarily have reached out to previously (a couple of neighbours/work colleagues), because the loneliness which makes me feel so anxious and panicky.
I hate the emptiness and silence in the house, so I keep the tv on just for some background noise, and to break the silence.
My darling soulmate’s absence is felt so deeply each and every second of the day.
It’s pure torture and there’s a permanent knot in my stomach all the time.
I have no choice but to return to work, which could possibly help a bit… having some human interaction, but also brings it’s own challenges too.
Financially, there is no choice though.
This existence is very different to the life I used to have with the love of my life.
I can hardly believe that I am in this nightmare of a situation, and feel so sorry for the hell that we are all going through xx
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Its so sad isnt it .
Im same back at work which helps .
Same about having visitors too .sometimes i want them then id rather be alone .
I understand its difficult for them too …talking about their lives when im obviously not interested.
I dont feel ready yet to start enjoying things i actually want to stay miserable.
Hopefully time will change that x
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Thank you HeartofGold,
The loneliness is hard,well its fing horrible.
I just want to say one thing well may be two. Thank you to everyone on this site for putting up with my rants and rambles. You have helped me so much.
I was blessed/ lucky for having 33 years married to my Sue, who loved me as much as i love her. If this is the price i now have to pay ok, i would do it again. Even through this loneliness and despair.
Take care
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I feel for you as I do for all the other poor souls here. We are stuck in this nightmare and all we have is the knowledge that we are all having very similar feelings and experiences. I suppose we just have to resign ourselves to the reality that life will never be as good as it was. I get some comfort from knowing that my wife never had to endure this pain and that she is now in a better place.
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