Good idea, I was thinking of suggesting something that let’s us all know how we cope with each day. Next month will be the first anniversary of my darling husband’s passing. Like everyone some days are more difficult than others , feeling anxious. I try to think of things to do each day. Luckily I can drive and just lately have been buying spring bulbs for pots in my front garden, to have something bright and beautiful to look at. I keep the news limited as that makes me feel worse. The virus has made our recovery much worse. I find the mornings are the worse, but I try and get out somewhere after walking the dog, which also helps. Keep busy but enjoy relaxation is what I’m trying to do. None of our loved ones would want us to stay miserable, but life is so different without them.
It does not offend me, I think it is very funny it is good to have a chuckle in these trying times. 
True Mary. Anything that can raise a smile is very welcome at the moment. And possibly even more so after Monday! 
x
Genuine Council Complaints
Extracts from letters sent to various Councils and Housing Associations throughout the U.K.
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurth his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and she would like it in the garden before we move house.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6a.m., his cock wakes me up and now it’s getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can’t get BBC2.
My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
…and he’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take any more.
I can relate to that as I worked in housing for over 30 years. I think I might have to spend more time in this thread
Thank you Day at a Time, how funny, just what we need on a miserable day like this. Don’t know which one was the best. people are so bizarre! A bit like reasons for finding themselves in A and E! Please keep making us smile xx
Please note the GCSE’s are public exams taken by 16 year olds in UK
This is an indication of the wonderful future that awaits the UK…
This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers…
-
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
-
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children,Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”
-
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
-
Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
-
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
-
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
-
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
-
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
-
Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
-
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”
-
Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
-
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
-
In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
-
Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.
-
Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”
-
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
-
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
-
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
-
During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
-
Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim’s Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
-
One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.”. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
-
Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
-
Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.
-
Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
-
Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
-
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
-
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
-
The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t have any children.
-
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is In the East and the sun sets in the West.
-
Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
-
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.
-
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
-
The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
Thank you very much for the laughs, every one is a winner. reading these has really cheered me up.
Mary
pleased you found some cheer, i still laugh at these answers, no matter how much i read them
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
blessings
Jen🦋
These are brilliant Jen, really made me laugh out loud x
Really brightened up a rainy day! ( here, anyway!) I’m ashamed to say I got mentioned in our school mag for saying I thought a Greek called Thermo invented the thermos flask. Never lived it down! x
You have set me off again.
I feel humour gets us through when nothing else works, we tended to see the ridiculous in so many situations.
Even in the darkest times I sometimes hear what my husband would be saying with his dry wit. We always made each other laugh.
@Day_at_a_Time…I love these things. 18.44 Friday pm, had a vile day. We had a book prize at junior School. Being a right little swot I was expected to choose something edifying. I went for a book of misprints and bloopers instead. One still makes me laugh even now… " Jobs: driver wanted for door to door devilry". Dumb but still cracks me up.
So funny V.
So true.
Yes! Andy Burnham for PM, I say!!