He's apparently starting his new life

My brother in law is getting on with his new life, his new life after his, wife, my sister passed away after a, short sudden diagnosis of cancer of the bowel and brain. In less than 4 months, after she passed he was on dateing sites, he’d got new car, motorbike, watches, clothes. He’d got shut of her things. He’d got shut of her dog, her car, his, daughter got sick of him and moved out, his other daughter he wishes, would, get her self a flat. He’s of on holiday with his, new fancy woman. He shuts you down if you try and speak about his wife my sister he says, that’s, all in the past. I’ve tried to make amends with him, I bite my tongue but how can you just move on with you’re new bloody life in only 12 months since looseing you’re wife. It stinks. I will never be in a room with him and his new woman I don’t agree with it. How can you say you’ve lost the love of you’re life yet crack on so soon.
It hurts.

Dear Paula,

No-one knows what goes through the minds of the bereaved when they lose the love of their life unless you have been through it yourself.

Perhaps he feels that life is too short and he wants to get on with living because he does not know how long he has left on this earth.

People are different, have different ways of looking at things and to be honest he has the right to do what he wants to do even as if it seems he has let your sister and yourselves down. Be there for your nieces as that is the one thing you can do for your sister.

I know when my husband of 47 years died, both our sons decided to get divorced because they said life is too short to be unhappy. Like I say, grief affects people in different ways.


I know he’s not doing anything wrong deep down inside and I told him I hope he’s now, finding happiness again Im just shocked at how he’s moved on so relatively quickly. On another level I know if it had been 6 months 22 or 5 years I’d have not liked the fact he’s replaced his wife. I can’t replace my sister as easily nor my parents there daughter but wife’s I guess are easy… This, woman even looks like his wife I’ve seen her picture on his face book page.

Dear Paula,

I totally understand how you are feeling but there is nothing you can do about it really. Like I said, be there for your nieces as that is the only way you can help your sister now, give them someone to talk to and cry with. I remember when my sister died when she was 47 of cancer, my brother in law, after the funeral, gave away every single item of her clothing, jewellery etc. not because he had found someone else but because he could not bear opening drawers and cupboards and seeing all her clothes there, I thought it much too soon but that is what he wanted to do to try and move on.

He never married again or met anyone else, he lived in their home, unchanged since the day my sister died 30 years before until he died six years ago. I felt so very sorry for him, he was a lonely man, his children moved away to live abroad, I never see or hear from our nephew and niece since their dad died.

Perhaps in time, you and your sister’s children will be happy that their dad is happy, but time will tell, this might be their dad’s grief taking over and there may be a time when everything comes to a head and their dad will realise he has made the biggest mistake of his life by trying to move on too quickly.


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