My partner & I put in an offer to buy a flat this May, & we will be completing this Friday. Grandad - who was my Dad - passed away in September.
Today, I cried and became very upset. It should be a huge relief that this long process is almost over & I will get the security I have so desperately wanted since being kicked out from Hong Kong rather unceremoniously back in 2022, but… I am sad that Gran/Dad won’t get to see it.
All he ever wanted was for his girls to be settled. And I’m both sad and angry. I know how overjoyed he would be to see me in my own place (just like he was when my sister got a mortgage). He would be so proud. I’m sad that he won’t get that feeling.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad yesterday, and my Mum in 2020 and I’ve found it hard to cope with the feeling of injustice for all they should have had to look forward to, and all they’ll miss out on. Dad lived overseas but was able to be at my wedding earlier this year, so grateful for that, but he should be coming to see our new home at Christmas, to spend a couple weeks with all his family and I know how much he would have been looking forward to that. Gutted for him as well as for me. It’s all just so unfair isn’t it?!
I just wanted to share something with you that might help
I believe that my husband is with me. We both shared this belief as he had literally seen people who had passed (including my dad who passed 12 years before we met). The reason why I feel he is with me is that I have clinical depression (diagnosed over 30 years ago) and yet I am dealing with my recent bereavement FAR too well.
At first I collapsed and was a mess - and that’s where I expected to stay (& so did he) but I’m doing well. I have my moments, but overall I’m coping in a positive, productive way. Usually I would be naturally negative and catastrophising, but I’m (most of the time) thinking positive, healing thoughts. This is not like me but this IS like him. He looked for the positive in everything and was grateful for everything. He savoured every moment of life. I believe he is with me, supporting me and cushioning me with his thoughts and feelings to help me.
We both believe that when you pass you go ‘home’. There is nothing but love and you are reunited with your loved ones (in fact we believe that a loved one comes to greet and guide you at your time - there was a male standing at our bedroom door for days before my husbands sudden & unexpected passing. He has not been there since and we believe this was his older brother who passed 4 years ago). We also believe (because of experiences we both had) that your loved one who has passed can visit at any time and hear you when you talk to them.
In other words, I don’t believe that your loved ones have missed out on anything - I feel that they are with you and experiencing it too.
One night last week I was walking across our living room feeling sad that my husband would miss out on future life experiences. I was feeling sad for him. The thought (his thought?) suddenly popped into my head that he’s probably stood in the corner of the room and is actually feeling sorry FOR ME because I do not get to yet experience the all-consuming love and acceptance that comes with going home.
