I lost my niece about a month ago, and so far I’m finding I’m so much more insecure than usual. I don’t really know or understand the grieving process. She was 17 years old… and I’m very angry with myself because I’m getting so wrapped up in self-absorbed processes (depression/anxiety), I’m behaving very selfish/insecure to people around and it’s not fair on them.
I don’t understand my process, I don’t understand theirs either, and I’m disgusted in myself for not being able to feel their pain with my heart… i don’t know how to do the right thing. I just want to be a better person!
It’s such a difficult time, please don’t give yourself a hard time. How we cope with grief is unique to all of us, we all cope in different ways and there is no set process to follow. Given this minefield of emotions, it must be very difficult for you dealing with your own thoughts and trying to ‘read’/ understand other people’s grief at such a traumatic time when there are no set rules.
Do you have someone you trust, who you can confide in and explain how you are struggling and that you are not sure how to help?
It sounds like you have a good sense of self awareness and this, I’m sure, will help you as you try and go forward. In the meantime, be mentally kinder to yourself as best you can.
I can’t be kinder to myself because other people won’t allow it. My Mum admitted that it’s best i stay quiet and act (although present) that I don’t exist.
No I don’t have anyone and don’t know how to get bereavement counselling.
@K8eP Hi there Katie. My youngest son is autistic and his way of dealing with grief is definitely different to my eldest son and I. I know he adored my middle son Thomas, they were literally attached at the hip growing up, but when Thomas passed my youngest stayed very quiet. I worried that he was bottling things up (as he suffers with anxiety) but he says he is okay. I have had a serious discussion with him saying that if he feels low or depressed he must let me know or contact his GP and he has assured me he will. If you are bothered by it could you speak with your GP? They might suggest counseling or some such therapy. The nhs is so much more aware of mental health these days and not a day too soon. By the way, I know your mum means well but I think telling you to act like you don’t exist isn’t helping, just saying. Please be kind to yourself, everyone deserves it x
So sorry to hear your mum has said such a thing… remember, as individuals we are all responsible for our own behaviour…no one can tell us how to be.
I think @Lcc59 has suggested some good advice, in the absence of a trusted friend, perhaps contact your GP to see if they can direct you to bereavement counselling? If you look on the Sue Ryder website too, I believe they offer someone to talk to.
I had a little look for you & found this article on the autistic society website… it might help you a little bit may be? Well done on filling out the SR form…I guess there will be a waiting list, but at least you have started the process.
@K8eP that’s great, I hope they get back to you soon. Just try to take a breath and just centre yourself every so often during the Christmas madness, you deserve care too x
I’m scared that thinking of myself at all will put me in the wrong mindset… this Christmas is about biting my tongue as much as possible. Trying to be silent, passive and calm.
I filled it in last night, so checking my emails 
thank you for that!