Hi i am qt a lose here. I lost my mum a years ago never really grived forbher as i have no where to go as my dad still has her in the house found xmas and new hard and her frist time passing as i had no where to go to leave flowers. And talk to her
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Hi @julie_dod12 . I can understand you wanting somewhere to visit your lovely mum… just to talk to her. I lost two close family members within a week of each other and they are resting together in my dad’s home town. I can visit but not as often as I would like to so I made a little memorial area for them both in my garden. Is this something you could do,?
Have you spoken to your dad about what he wants to do with your mum’s ashes? It could be that he isn’t ready to let them go just yet but also unaware how this is affecting you .
I’m sorry I can’t offer anything more useful. I’m here if you want to talk about your mum X
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Yes I bout a garden statue in memory of my dad who liked them but my late husband kept moving it as he hated it then the head fell off now it has disappeared. My husband has been dead 15 months now and he did some unkind things to me. Marriage isn’t all roses! Now I am in my own he can’t. It is hard when loved ones die with disagreements over things. I like keepsakes. Causes pain you treasure what’s left behind and someone gets rid of it
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Thank u its not easy as i have made my slef ill don’t want to get up washed dressed or get out of bed. Shut my slef away from the world. Will try and doba garden for her
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Julie Dod 12
Yes I like making little spots in my garden. Plant something, see if it grows in remembrance.
But I got a wisteria and could decide where to put it so it died in process or looked dead so shoved it in anywhere see if it pops up.
It is nice if few bulbs pop up. When you think of someone who died like things in nature look dead and come back again.
So nice looking at them. I grew seeds last year and looked half dead and slugs and snails kept eating away as if it was for them now can’t kill them with poison is illegal si i pht egg shells round as don’t like that. I struggled really hard to protect them. But like well when my husband was ill felt so sad. Missed him even if he did do things to upset me.
I feel lethargic lots of time. Struggle some days.
Always something going wrong. But we did it together.
Often he would go out and leave it. At times I tried to bodge it up for a bit like blind broke yesterday so stuck tape in it. Eventually he would have done it. No one these days help from sins dried up. They got their own to do.
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It good to have someone listen to me as i feel list
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It’s hard when you have no one else to talk to or just to give you a hug. I find I’m worse when I’m off work and I can’t get myself motivated to do anything. Friends are busy with their own lives or just feel uncomfortable around me.
Do you have anyone who could take you out even for a coffee or could come and sit with you for a while?
It helps being here with others who are going through the same… people who understand and even through their own grief can be supportive 
No my sister and brother dont talk to me they didnt speak to mum euther they never spoke to her for years. And never seen her when she was dying its just me and dad and my 2 grown up kids. . So i dont have any one at all .
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How old are your children and do you see them much, or your dad?
I have an older son who still lives with me. He likes his own space and rarely comes down but we chat about his brother and it’s a comfort to me just knowing he’s upstairs. X
My sons have a life of there own leslie is 43 and daniel is 38 old. Dont.see muchnof them dad i.see and. talk too. But he has enuff 9n his plate
I’m sorry you don’t see your son’s as much as you’d like to. I can only imagine it’s making you miss your mum more as she would have been company for you.
Do you have any friends or do you work… have anyone there to talk to? I don’t have much family around me but I have a few close friends and being on here is helpful as everyone is going through the same… people understand how you are feeling X
Julie Dod 12
I get where you are coming from. It is not easy to expect people to put down what they are doing and want to be there when you need them
When people have offered if I take them up in it if course they are doing something else. So next time do not bother.
I find it difficult to make appointments.
Others seem to only have certain slots in their busy schedules.
Not solution I find.
Easier by and by.
It is worse if I get promise and let down when too busy.
I went on Sue Ryder zoom last night. I usually fall asleep. I don’t do it often but they were friendly to me. Other times I didn’t get on too well.
A friend who used to be a neighbour messaged me with advice. Seemed hard to do. Well yesterday all I got done was wash up, sort out my mum’s headstone to send to my son on line, she died in 1996 only just got motivated. Didn’t go out, spoke to my son on Tel, watched clean it fix prog on TV
Did bit knitting.
Ate food and drank water so felt wasted day
I’ve noticed since the funeral that people have stepped back… only a few have kept in touch and checked to see how me and my son are. People offer support but don’t follow through with it and I have one friend who texts to ask how I am and before I can reply, she’s telling me how she’s feeling.
Not having a good day today… not dressed yet and feeling sorry for myself. Hope everyone is is having a better day
Yes it is difficult knowing how to guess how to be there for each other all the time isn’t it?
l left out of things.
But I am my own worst enemy