I have some serious symptoms and am in for some intrusive tests soon. I have pain unlike before and so I fear the worst. It is a dark place but I have my partner who is here looking after me.
I have decided to tell nobody but my very closest friends and family. I remember when my husband was dying we made the huge mistake of telling just about everyone. It became unbearable, people visiting, endless phone calls. Never again. The more open you are, the more the obligations to update people, it saps vital energy, however well meaning folks mainly are.
I have no wish to be anyone’s gossip, a story told with wide eyes and scarcely covered excitement. This is especially the case with certain ‘drama vampires’ who thrive on others’ misfortune. You know who they are if you look past the false sympathy.
The best comfort I get is in my dogs. They just know and keep loving, making no demands. No person has ever come up to that standard in my experience.
Does anyone understand? I need every ounce of strength for me, my faith is in the doctors and my hope is in God. If it comes to the end I will still only tell those who matter, surprisingly few I think.
Of course it is personal choice. Many people deal with serious or terminal illness openly, they need human sympathy, support and comfort. That’s ok too. We do what we need.
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Hi Rachel,
First of all I hope that you get the treatment that you may need and it is good that you have your partner to share the load with.
I understand where you are coming from with not sharing your concerns with folk other than closest friends and family.
When my husband was poorly news seemed to travel fast and one friend!!! rang for updates constantly and when I didn’t answer as we have call and display on the phone she then went to my daughters house to get an update which of course upset her. She was literally a nightmare. So you are right in doing what you feel is the best thing for you at the moment.
My very best wishes to you.
Love Jenny
Sorry to hear about your health. I think you are right in your decision. That way you have the time and peace with your loved ones the way you want. We had the same with my mum, a stream of well meaning visitors, non stop phone calls and messages. Each of which was so draining and time consuming. You need to preserve your energy and strength.
Firstly, I hope all turns out well with the tests and should you need treatment for something that it goes as well as possible
Oh god the drama and energy vampires - they are real!! I personally blame soap operas and people thinking that real life is like that and everything has to be a drama!! The ones who want to use your grief as part of their public performance yet never can do anything practical like pop round for a cuppa or help tidy - no its all ott posts on social media and gossiping in the shop.
I try to remember what my great grandfather used to say about such people ‘well lass, if they are talking about you at least they are leaving some other poor bggr alone’
I’m glad it’s not just me that got wise to it. It did take a long time to realise what many people are like.
One close friend has a heart of gold but what a mouth, a nonstop talker. Looking back I realize how she reveals in dramas, including her own! She always has something awful going on.
I m an increasingly private person. So I figure that yes tell a minimal number of truly trusted friends who are quiet, trustworthy and loyal. Otherwise reserve your strength for yourself.
My suspicions are I may I something that needs an operation at least, I am terrified. The NhS have got me in for tests fast, soon, for which I am grateful.
Dear Rachel,
I am in about the same place as you health wise. In fact, I have to go to a London hospital later today for intensive scans. Like you, I fear the worst, but hope for the best.
Unfortunately, my husband died a couple of years ago and I miss him so much. Especially now, when he would have been such a support and comfort. I am lucky in that I have a wonderful supportive family nearby, but it’s not quite the same.
Good luck to us both as we plod through this quagmire. Hugs x
I now face a biopsy under anesthetic. I did exactly right to tell virtually nobody as I need peace, rest, time to think. If bad news it will be a hysterectomy.
By the way, if my time has come I will exit this world quietly on my terms, trusting to the professionals and God.
I see no point worrying loads of peripheral people who do not even know me personally, as on Facebook. That kind of publicising of one’s illness and eliciting lots of false sympathy is not for me. People are far too open on there, when really nobody can help anyway, every one of us must die eventually. I refuse to be the subject of gossip.
Yes tell close true friends, the ones who are able stay calm and help as needed, while keeping mouth shut.
I may be ok, this time. But as you get older, things are less likely to be ok.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.