Hi I’m 27 years old, I lost my dad after a long painful illness back in 2019 while I was half way through my pregnancy with my first born as hard as it was everything was as okay as it could be for a short while, my mum was my biggest support and she helped me through everything as well as my partner, my mum had always drank but after a year of dad not being here anymore she turned to drink more than ever. Nothing I could do would stop her drinking I tried everything you could possibly think to try. she was my absolute best friend in the whole world we knew what it was doing to her she had multiple chances to stop and delay the damage already caused but she just carried on drinking… after a short horrible illness I lost her in 2023. I was destroyed but carried on going for my child, In 2024 I was pregnant again and gave birth to my second child, now my baby is almost 2 I just feel so lost without my old family. I have a amazing partner who has been through everything with me and is the most amazing dad to our children, I know I should feel happy for everything I have and I do, I just can’t shake the feeling of being so alone even though I know I’m not really alone. It’s been 3 years since my mum died and I don’t understand why I still feel angry at her for leaving me and sad all the time that she’s gone, my dad couldn’t help it he fought so hard every single day to get to the next, it was cancer that took his life. Even after having it removed twice he still continued to work and run his own business I am so proud of him, I guess I’m just here because iv just been hiding the fact that I’m struggling to move forward and just tried to go with the ‘I’m ok’ option, but I just want to find a way to be happy and start looking forward rather than backwards all the time.
Can I say I am so sorry for the loss of your parents, but also congratulations for your babies.
You are not doing anything wrong, but its sounds to me that you are grieving for your loss. Grief has a way of catching up to you, when you are not looking.
There is no shame in asking for help, as you are going through so much.
Dear Cloxo, I am so sorry to hear your suffering. I am really happy you have two lovely children and your partner which is such a comfort. My lovely wife went through a lot of problems when her mother died. She felt guilty for not being there when she died even though we didn’t expect her to die. We spent some time trying to find a therapist to help her talk through everything and she didn’t like the first one but the second did bring her some peace. We also spoke to a priest and he helped her too and of course I did everything I could. I’m not sure which is the best form but ultimately the most important thing is to talk about how you feel and the more you do it the better you will feel. I think it is also a matter of coming to peace with how she died. You say she was a good mum and she helped you through everything after your father died. I would concentrate on that. I know you wanted her to be able to see your children growing and feel betrayed that you and your baby weren’t enough which I totally understand but at the same time you will see if you read posts on this site that people whose partner dies are devastated. Most if not all think they would like to die. Turning to drink was a way for your mother to deal with the horrific pain she was feeling. I know exactly what it is like and it is something only those who go through it understand. It is very sad she couldn’t stop herself but I’m sure it was because she couldn’t find a way to stop the pain she was dealing with. You had two loving parents and they were good parents because of the deep love they had for eachother. I hope you will be able to find some peace for yourself and come to peace with your mum.
Wishing you a lovely future full of love
All the best
Tom
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me and for the kind words, also your guidance too. I have taken note of everything you have said and re read your reply numerous times already. Thank you again, I wish you a very happy future too 
Hello Cloxo27, so very sorry for the loss of your parents 
. I lost my husband 3 months ago, and my kids ages 31 and 34, are taking the loss of their father very hard. .. , sometimes we don’t even want to talk about it, but ive noticed that the more we do talk about their father the easier it gets, and instead of crying, we’re starting to smile more recalling all the special moments…what Tom has shared with you on this site is pretty good advice, there’s not much more I could possibly add, only this,..keep posting your thoughts we’re her to listen. ..and hopefully be able to offer you any advice, take care of yourself and your precious babies may god bless you always.