His birthday is coming

My husband passed away from pancreatic cancer on 5th of May this year.
He was diagnosed on 27th April, the day after our wedding anniversary and he died 8 days later.
I miss him so much and I’m struggling to keep it together. His birthday is next Friday and I’m already feeling overly anxious, emotional and dreading the day.
I would happily go to join him, but so far, each new day comes and I am still here.
I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this way when a celebratory day is looming. Christmas will be cancelled this year.
Love and light to you all

Hi Nessie,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely husband, it’s still early days for you, I know how you are feeling as I lost my husband last November, so it’s coming up to a year for me.
My husband’s birthday was yesterday, and I think the build up to it is worse than the day, that’s how I felt, we get ourselves in such a state thinking about
special days we have to face, that when the day comes really it’s the same as everyday anyway, as how can it feel worse.
Christmas last year was a month after losing Tim, and really it was just a blur, I wanted to shut myself away and not face it, but as I’ve got young grandkids I had to face it, it was very hard but I got through it somehow and I will again this Christmas, it would be cancelled for me aswell if it wasn’t for the grandkids.
You will get through it, it will be hard just like everyday, but keep chatting on here and you won’t feel so alone in this.
Steph x