Hit me all over again

I lost my husband just before Christmas to a very aggressive illness with 3 months survival time. He made 2 months, such a hard time for us all. We have a lovely family, all of us need support. I’m learning to be in our home alone, we met at ages 11 and 12 years. Together since then and married 49 years. I miss him so very much, the current world situation is scary enough to us all. I have never been thru anything worrying without my husband. Being locked away from family, our boys and our grandchildren has bought everything right to The surface again. How he passed away, the last day and few minutes. It’s all going over and over in my mind, especially early evening and nights. Mornings too are hard still. I don’t want to worry my family, all managing with little ones at home or working from home. They struggle all the time with the loss of their Dad too soon. I know there are others also suffering but love is love and it hurts to lose such love in your life. It does feel so lonely.

Hiya, know how you feel lost my Husband n February would have been our 54 years of marriage last Wednesday.The days and evenings seem endless cannot get into television or put music on most unusual in this houe no music.
I miss my Son and Grandchildren with this lock down could not have happend at a worse time,but he had suffered for 5 years with Chemo and blood transfusions so free of the trauma he went hrough was so brave and so optomistic, me I am pessimistic.
If you ever want to chat would love to I am so n Essex.
Take Care.

Hello, absolutely right that this couldn’t be happening at a worse time for us. Very unsettling again. It’s frightening and makes us feel so vulnerable. Lost without our life partners… Thank you for replying and so quickly. Lots of love

You are very welcolme if you want t chat I am here.
Take Care and be safe.X

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Thank you for replying. One thing I’m learning is almost all of us say exactly the same things in detail. I too think if I go to bed I might wake up to Steve being home and well again. I still wake in the night thinking he’s asleep next to me. Mornings are hard aren’t they? As you say for you as well this horrible situation now in this world just brings all the raw emotions right back. The one person we need in these times is our partners. Thank you for your kind words. Take care xx

Hello again, yes being outside in sun does feel better. Last week it was very nice. I painted all our fences and chickens house. Then cried because Steve won’t see it, he painted it last time. I don’t want to change anything that he did unless I have to. Keeping him with me if I can in any way. You will know what I mean. Life feels so unfair and cruel doesn’t it. Someone told me grief is the price we pay for loving so much and being loved. Love definitely hurts. I’ve been FaceTiming with my family, it’s so nice but sometimes upsets the little ones, they don’t understand why they can’t come to Nanny’s house. Take care, it’s an uphill struggle for us. Thank you xxx

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Hello, I understand so much of what you say. Steve did the same with our heating and plumbing jobs, had people in to do the work. A first really as he did all our repairs. Worked in the buildings industry, nothing he couldn’t do. He didn’t want me to worry. I don’t know how he was able to do that, as Peter thinking to your future. At least Peter shared choosing your wallpaper and probably sees it keeping an eye on you! I’ve had to have repairs done due to the high winds/storms. I felt guilty having people Steve didn’t know in his home doing his jobs. Hasn’t crossed my mind to move at all yet. I did have a bad week of boxing up a lot of his things, passing on to Hospice Charity Shops. Maybe too soon I think but I was angry. I can’t move anything else. His wardrobes and chest of drawers are like he’s still here. He loved photography, I bought him a lovely Camera he’d always wanted to celebrate the end of Chemo (it hadn’t worked we were to find out) he also had a new computer, haven’t yet been able to look in either of them. Breaks my heart :broken_heart: It’s good you love your home, especially now in this world as it is. I was due to take my driving test the first day after lockdown, I know I would have passed. Steve started me driving and bought my car beginning of October. We always did everything together, I just never needed to drive. I will do it as soon as it’s possible, for Steve as much as myself. We do g gg ave to keep strong and know they wouldn’t want us so upset and unhappy but we loved them. I don’t know about time healing. Just makes me miss him more. I’m sure you are the same. Photos and memories don’t help yet, just remind me of what we should still be able to do. We never had retirement time together. We talked about that for next year. Then the bottom of our world fell out. Our sons have been amazing, also friends and family but now we’re supposed to manage without them? How? Keep safe and be strong for you both. Thinking of you, Jami