Hits you at the strangest times

It’s almost 2 years now since my Dad died, and I find that the bereavement process, understandably, is ongoing and unpredictable. Indeed, I sometimes get overwhelmed with sadness at odd, random moments, driving home from work, on the Tube, walking into a meeting (!) something will just trigger a memory, often unrelated to specific dates or thought patterns.

Bereavement is slow burning and it has a long tail - perhaps you never truly ‘get over it’ but it just manifests itself in different ways. I’m sure others on the community feel the same way; I’m not really asking for support, just putting it out there for reflection x

1 Like

I’m a year on after my Mum died and I still can’t go into Marks and Spencer & look at the party food without crying…we used to love sharing some of it with a glass of champagne every Christmas.

Hi When someone has died different things can catch us when we least expect it, a song on the radio, a smell or a tradition that we have always done. It’s something that we can’t prepare ourselves for or know when it’s going to happen which is why it is difficult.

1 Like

Hi, I have just joined this community. Know how you feel. I lost my Mum to bowel cancer 4 weeks ago and have just returned to work which seems so meaningless. Randomly bursting into tears as I don’t know how to live without her. Your Mum teaches you everything but doesn’t prepare you for life without her. People say time is a great healer and you need you to move on… Easy to say but hard to do. It’s good to talk to others who have similar experiences. God bless.

Hi ddene, so sorry to hear your news. 4 weeks is very recent and I know how you must feel too. You should allow yourself to grieve and feel the loss, of course you need to go back to work but that doesn’t mean you can’t take time out to go for walk in your lunch break and just be reflective - not easy but so important to set aside that quiet time.

I’m sure she was a wonderful Mum and you need to hold onto all of her best qualities and live them out in your own way. Take care, Nick x

1 Like

I don’t think you ever get over it, even though people expect you to. my Dad died nearly 4 years ago, when I was 17, and I still have days where I just miss him so much, especially now while I’m at Uni and on a year abroad. it makes me sad that he didn’t see me in my 18th or 21st Birthdays, he didn’t see me pass my A Levels, start Uni, come abroad for a year, and he will never see me graduate, get a job etc., so it’s always difficult and hits you at the most random moments.

I think people want us to “get over” it however I think that we learn to grow our life around our grief. In the beginning it is all consuming but when time goes in the hurt and upset are still there but we learn to function with it.

It’s been two months since my mum died. I totally agree with the moments of sadness that overcome you. I have two young children and find it hard sometimes being happy. I feel like others around me don’t understand just how low and sad I feel. I miss her so very much. First time I’ve been on here too.

Yes this speaks to me too. It’s been 15 months since my father died and sometimes I feel just fine other times odd things make me cry. I recently went back to the town I was at university at 10 years ago I was looking forward to this trip down memory lane but found myself sobbing on the street because I wanted so much to turn back the clock and have back a life which seemed easy and safe. I have moved house since he died and so there are no memories at home but if I sit looking out of my window across the feilds to the road I still cry at how much I wish I could watch for his car and surge of joy if feel if I could only come and visit - grief is cruel. So hey don’t feel bad at yourself for these moments

Six weeks exactly from my Mum passing away and I went to an AGM of a society we both were members of. I had to speak at the AGM and that went really well. What didn’t was when it was announced about her loss. I left the room in floods of tears and now feel so stupid. I has set me back to square one just as I starting to come to terms with everything.

Hello Pah, I want to welcome you to our Online Community. I see from your posts that you have had a response from others - I really hope that this will help you to know you are not alone.
It must have been so tough for you to watch your beloved mother go downhill - you obviously had a very special bond with her.
Please don’t feel bad that you got upset at the AGM when they talked about your Mum - I’m sure people there understood how difficult it was for you. Your mother would have been proud that you made the effort to go and speak.
It’s important now Pah that you look after yourself - take your time to come to terms with living on your own. With kind regards, Jackie

Thank you Jackie for your message. I am finding in the few days since I joined this forum I have had more kindness from strangers than I am getting in real life.

I lost my parents within 15 months of eachother. It’s one year next Monday my mum went after a devastating struggle with dementia.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts - I really get what you’re saying about sadness hitting you randomly. I’ve been experiencing a lot of that.