I love reading
I used to have a few books on the go at one time, 1 at work, 1in my bag etc
In the 2 years since iain died I’ve read only 3 books, I just can’t seem to concentrate
I love doing puzzles and Ddnt for a while but that’s something I’ve started to do again
I do write poetry, I find it helps to clear thoughts from my mind xxxx

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It’s absolutely wonderful to have this conversation. I have no interest in anything, things which used to give me pleasure, like going for a run, feeding the cats, driving in the countryside, going to the beach, watching football, eating out, programming - none of these matter anymore. I can’t do anything. So to read about people who eventually managed to start doing their hobbies again is great, it gives hope to those of us who are really struggling. Thank you.


Abdullah, I am so sorry you can’t find the interest to find pleasure in your previous pleasures. Perhaps one thing at a time. Try a walk in the countryside or along a beach first. But please tell me you do feed the cats!!!
I continued with the interests that Brian and I shared. I continued to walk. We was keen ramblers. We loved our allotments and he asked me to keep them going and even made out a plan on how he wanted his plot to look. I managed it between tears. I walk on the seafront and find the peace is very relaxing. It was so hard in the beginning but now I am finding a contentment in being able to do these things once more.
I wish you luck and strength.
Pat xxx

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Hey Patti, that’s so great you continued with the interests you and your beloved Brian had. Walking is great, and I am sure you missed Brian a LOT when you went without him, so you did really well. I used to walk quite a bit too, but started finding it depressing as doing things on your own all the time does become depressing, and I am at the stage of my life where people are too busy with family, and so if you’re single, there isn’t much to do with other people. Maybe I will go and use that website where you can walk someone’s dog, but even that is probably not that popular now as most people are working from home and do it themselves.

The cats must still be well looked after, the three strays were fed by a woman and her daughter too as they actually “live” close to her home, it’s just nice when the cost of the food could be split between them and me and now they must pay for it all, but it is what it is. My dad loved cats, and I would be taking photos and sending them to him all the time, but now I can’t do that, so just avoid them. As you say, maybe time!

Beaches are great - but an hour’s drive! Again, it’s that loneliness thing, driving on your own to the beach, an hour there and an hour back, is just very lonely.

I like the idea of allotments - people here take a lot of comfort from things like gardening, maybe I will get some plants that you can grow indoors, because the house where I live is astroturf at the front and concrete at the back. Why do people do this?!


I am so sorry that you are having problems with doing things on your own Abdullah. I was fortunate I was a keen walker before I met Brian and found it a comfort to be outdoors walking when at my lowest. I am also fortunate to have my dogs as company at all times. Pity you don’t have a dog they are wonderful company and have amazing powers to help us relax. I never feel alone when out with them.
If you enjoy walking look for walking groups. The Ramblers are an excellent organisation and you wouldn’t be alone. Some area’s have ‘Health Walks’ or Sports Centres that organise walks. Yes, look into walking a neighbours dog, When I am out with my dogs I meet lots of people that are only too happy to stop and have a chat. So it’s a social life as well
I don’t rely on other people for company because as you rightly say they have their own lives and families.
In some area there are communal gardens which bring a community together with gardening as a group. I have found gardening very therapeutic and along with my own garden and two allotments I also volunteer at a beautiful local church helping to keep the cemetery tidy. I am clearing a neglected area. Today planting spring bulbs.
Have a look around your area and see what’s on offer that might interest you or go to the library they usually have information that might help you. You are an intelligent man that must have so much to offer. I know it’s difficult but making that effort is worthwhile. What option do we have. Life is for living but for many of us at this moment it can seem bleak.
Concrete gardens Yuk… Such a pity but you can always have pots of flowers or shrubs and brighten it up.
Small steps. Try short local walks to start with or a short drive to a place of interest.
Pat xx

I used to love listening to music. But it completely stopped when he died. I dont want to go out on my own. Doesnt feel like life is worth living any more.

Hello. I lost my wonderful husband a few weeks ago and I feel exactly the same as you. Nothing holds my interest and I used to do crafting and all sorts. I am trying to convince myself that Tony would hate it if he knew how I feel. For his sake, I am trying to get a grip and I hope that one day I will. Our husbands would not want us to feel so bad and in their memory, I feel we try to have a good life as that is what they would want for us.
Keep going, and do keep in touch if it helps. Being on this site helps too.f

Dear @Pattidot,

Wow, you sound like a seasoned rambler - are you one of those people who can walk in all terrains and weather? As someone from the city, as soon as it drizzles, I want to be indoors!

I’m shy so have difficulty joining groups on my own, there used to be an advert for a 10km bird watching walk in my local Sainsburys, you pay 5 pounds and then you go walking with a group, I asked a friend in his 50s to come with me, he would always say yes, but then never would - he’s the worst procrastinator I have ever seen! It seems like no group activities are happening where I live till next year, so hopefully in January I might find some group to go with.

It must be nice to have dogs to walk with, and yes, they can help with the social life too. A former colleague of mine was having difficulty in his marriage, they were annoying each other over petty things at home and it had got to the stage where she was talking about divorce, he was almost 65 and she in her 60s, so they got a dog - a schnauzer. It saved their marriage! Now they both had something to focus on, he would take him out twice a day, meet other dog walkers, she would have her space on the weekends and he wouldn’t annoy her, he visits me once a year, and brings his dog who I take for a walk.

That is good you do a lot of gardening, I don’t have much experience but I did grow a marigold in a yoghurt pot when I was about 10, so I am not a complete novice! Oh, and mum taught us how to grow lentils in cotton in an ice cream tub. Not bad, eh? Now I will get a winter pot and grow some spinach in it! I didn’t even know you can grow spinach in this country but on some gardening website I just read that you can, and you don’t even need a garden, you can do it in some pot. How amazing, I wonder if you can also eat it?


Hi Abdullah
Joining a group must seem daunting but walkers are a very friendly lot and will soon make you feel at ease. Just give it a go after all what can happen that would be as terrible as what we have to go through now. A friendly smile will usually get people talking to you.
The power of dogs can never be underestimated. They do more for mankind than any other animal. They can bring people back from the brink.
If I can take to gardening then anyone can. I had never lifted a spade until in my thirties. Gardening was not something that I ever wanted to do. It started by accident and I became hooked. You learn as you go along and never stop learning. Plenty of magazines to help you. Spinach is one of the easiest veg to grow. It survives the winter and needs no protection. Throw some seeds in your pot in the spring, it’s as simple as that. Very healthy yet underestimated.
What about pots of flowers in the summer or spring bulbs (they need to go in now) There are plenty of Veg you can grow in pots. Potatoes/Tomatoes/beans/carrots/ beetroot and plenty more. A woman on TV has over a 1000 pots in her garden but no need to go quite that far.
Good luck to you.

Hi again Abdullah
Yes I can or did walk in all weathers but feel sorry for my dogs if it’s wet. Have walked in snowstorms and torrential rain and with Brian we loved to walk in all sorts of terrains. We liked a challenge but it will never be again. Too dangerous alone. Who am I fooling I am probably too old now. I have also done long distance walking.
I was originally city born but moved when a child.
I started walking by accident just as I did gardening. I broke my arm and couldn’t ride my horses so I started walking in the countryside with my dogs and the love grew from there. We really can surprise ourselves at times.
Pat xx

Drawing and painting is good for relaxation. Go for long walks

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