HOBBIES.

Hi.All. I was wondering, for those a long way into bereavement, if anyone has any hobbies, and if they do do they help? I have always made model ships. They take some 18 months to build if I devote some time to them. For a year after my wife died I could not concentrate enough to do anything.
I would begin then have to give up after a short time. My wife always took an interest and would help occasionally. Lately, after 21 months I am beginning to do more, and interest is returning. This is not for the newly bereaved because concentrating on anything is not possible.
At my stage of loss it is helping me with distraction. The pain does not go away, but everything we can do to alleviate it is a step froward. I notice Kate is doing coloured pictures from ‘paint in’ templates. It’s what made me put this thread on.
Best wishes to all. John.

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Hi Johnathan. I have always written and published poetry and I have previously turned my skill of Calligraphy into a business. I am very creative but lost all interest when Ron died .I am slowly gaining my creativity back and have started to do small things within the house. It very much depends on my mood of the day but I can say I am getting there. It is a distraction to do anything you enjoy and it passes a few hours.

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Hi
I lost my 22 year old son nearly 10 weeks ago so suddenly (SADS) I am absolutely beside myself with grief & worry for my other son. We are so lost & heartbroken without our darling boy :broken_heart:
I need to find a hobby but have no idea what. My husband and son both enjoy computer games which distracts them. I don’t have any particular interest & just long to hold my son. I relive the moment I found him time & time again & it hurts so badly. I cannot imagine our future without him, the light in my life has been extinguished forever :broken_heart:
Sending love and strength to everyone.

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Hi Rach25
I am sorry for the loss of your son.
When I lost my husband, I didn’t feel like doing any of my previous hobbies (cross stitch and cardmaking). Nine weeks on and I still have no interest in them. However, I have suddenly realised I would like to do a scrapbook of our 54 year marriage. I shall use notes from the diaries I have kept since were married, and photos of course.
Our daughters have asked me to write what I know if their beloved Dad’s life, when he was young and before they were part of his life so I hope to do that too. Maybe you could do something like that for your son. You could incorporate school reports, photos and memories of the things he loved, and perhaps even some things he wasn’t so keen on.
I hope you find something that you will enjoy. You and I need something concrete to concentrate on and a project such as I described might help. Hope so.

Hello Rach25. Thank you for posting on the forum. We are so very sorry to hear about the sudden and untimely death of your son. You specifically mention finding a hobby, posting on here will definitely open up ideas from other users that might interest you.
If you need any further help then please get in touch. Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling. You may not need the services of a counsellor, but our friendly team might just have some information you didn’t know about.
There are many hobbies out there that you can look at and our users hopefully will help with ideas.

Take care,
Audrey,
Online Community Team.

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Thank you both for taking the time to reply & suggestions. At the moment I can barely manage to get out of bed to face another day without my precious boy but I do for my other son, my husband & my 2 dogs. I definitely will need some hobby to help me cope with the loneliness to keep my mind occupied.
Thank you x

Hi Rach it is very early days for you, I.m only 9 weeks down this miserable road and still can’t believe what’s happened.
I am no great seamstress but I have decided to make a throw out of my hubby’s sweaters. I couldn’t bear to part with his things just yet Anyway but I thought making something would keep me occupied and also be a memorial to him.
No one can ease the pain you are going through but we do all understand and support each other x

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Hi Toondale
Thank you for your kind message with your suggestion. I am so sorry for your loss & hope you find making a throw with your husbands sweatshirts helps you in some way get some peace & feel closer to him. I find holding/cuddling/smelling my sons sweatshirts & listening to the music he produced & the music he loved, makes me feel closer to him. It does make me sad though because it’s not enough, I feel so desperate as I miss him so much & just want to be with him. He was such good company, so funny, loving, kind & genuine. I just don’t know how I will ever get through the future without him, my precious darling boy…my heart aches wanting him back :broken_heart:
X

Hi All. I did suggest this thread was not for the newly bereaved. It took me over a year to get back to my hobby. It would be a big mistake for anyone in the initial stages of grief to try and force themselves to do something to distract their mind. The pain may be too great at that time. Distraction is all very well, but whatever we do to distract, we always come back to ourselves and how we feel. We need to allow ourselves to grieve. There way well be some who can take up a hobby soon after bereavement, but they will be few. And Toondale, you may be one of them, and I admire your courage to make a throw of your your husband’s sweaters. A good idea if you feel you cannot part with them.
Take care all. John

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Hi there John
Excellent thread and I hope that more idea’s come flooding in. When I lost Brian I was already a keen walker just as he was. Having two dogs I had no option but to go out walking everyday and this helped me to carry on with our hobby. We also had two allotment plots and I doubted that I could continue but I knew that Brian wanted me to keep going and although it was a struggle at first, I did manage it and so pleased that I did it has given me something to focus on. However I was a keen reader and haven’t really been able to get into reading as yet. I also played games on a Nintendo for about an hour every evening to keep the old brain working but I have never picked it up since losing Brian, as you say concentration is difficult. However I will add that walking doesn’t mean being alone. I am lucky to have two amazing little dogs to accompany me and we walked for four hours this morning and met up with two nice couples for a chat. One man thanked me and said it had been very nice to meet me. Comments like this really do cheer you up. I then picked some blackberries and spent some time in the church grounds that I pass, and do some voluntary work occasionally and stopped to tidy up the garden. So a pleasant morning out. It takes effort to be motivated but I find it worthwhile.
Pat xx

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Yes Pat, it does take effort to get motivated, but what’s the alternative? To sink into despair? It’s not easy, none of it is, but making an effort, even though we may not succeed at first, is a big step forward. I can still only give myself a short time on my hobby, but I am getting there. When I do I become absorbed and it does take my mind off ME, which is good. When I look at the old sailing ships I build I often get into the minds of the crews who knew what hardship really meant.
Take care. John.

Hi John
I am so pleased you are managing to take up your hobby again. How interesting to get into the minds of the crews. Yes, so easy to sink into despair.
In the early days I cried for England every time I went out walking and when on the allotments but I am now finding pleasure in both and arrive home feeling refreshed and pleased with myself although tired out… I forgot to say I am also finding renewed interest in my own garden when last year it felt impossible to be bothered.
Pat

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Hi John
Hobbies I have plenty. Usually making things with wood and clay and metal. But I am early in my loss so find it extremley difficult to hold my attention span for longer than about 20 mins if that long for anything. Then I sit down slag myself off for not being bothered and sit in my own annoyance.
I know it will come back but it is frustrating. I tried learning to crotchet as it involved sitting but my left hand just would not cooperate with my brain lol
So finger knitting it is :flushed:

Pat. I have always admired your positive posts. I think you are about the same way into grief as I am. 21 months now. But we do begin to feel just that little bit better by making an effort. When newly bereaved it’s impossible to make any sort of real effort. The pain is too great to even try. I just didn’t realise how long it would take for that elusive light to get brighter, but it does. John.

Hi Jonathan I lost my partner in January this year. I miss him terribly. I do have a hobby and it’s lego. At the.moment I am planning a town. As you say it does help and I couldn’t be interested in anything at first but I’m beginning to again now. Tomorrow is his birthday and instead of staying in I have planned a trip to Brighton. It was a spur of the moment thing but I am looking forward to it. I hope you are enjoying getting back to your hobby again. Take care and stay safe. Diane

Hi. Diane. The mind boggles!!! A town in Lego!! Well good luck is all I can say. As you rightly say, at first it’s impossible to concentrate on anything. Our minds are so full of grief and pain. But I have found that gradually interest does come back, so very slowly. Every time we do just a little it’s a big step forward to getting us back to taking an interest again. It’s not easy, oh no, but it can be done given the will. When I say that I mean to see things in a different light. The old medieval monk summed it up in his book ‘The Cloud of Unknowing’. ‘The Dark Cloud that breaks with Blessings on your head’. This awful experience we are all going through can give us an insight into ourselves and life. I hope you enjoy your trip. Some sea air and some candy floss!!! may help.
Take care and be kind to yourself. John.

Hi there l belong to a art club and do drawing and painting, at the moment l can join a smoon meeting if l wish.

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Hi.
We lost our daughter Megan to SUDEP (sudden Unexpected death in epilepsy) She was diagnosed with epilepsy in October 2017 after having two seizures and my daughter found her in her bedroom face down after having her 3rd seizure which took her life 31st August 2018, she was 18. We had never heard of SUDEP or was told about it.
My heart is forever broken and I can’t imagine being any other way. We are still in total disbelief and still have no idea how we have got this far without her.
I realised walking really helps me and I can walk most days for a good 1-2hours. It helps me to think, remember and organize my thoughts.
Sending you all lots of love.

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Dear Teresa
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. I feel every word you say. Sending love and strength to you xx

Hello
My son died nearly 3nyears ago of cancer.
Cancer research was his charity so I became a volunteer.
Never worked I retail before as I was a nurse.
The pleasure I receive from the job I couldn’t begin to describe.
It doesn’t take the pain away nothing does.
Perhaps you may enjoy something like that
Sending a hug

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