Hi Scar,
My day has been ok today. Bit of a wobble this morning realising that the house is now empty when i came downstairs. Waking up still in the middle of the night. I am finding that keeping busy is helping. I ended up tidying the house for the Nth time and then went to buy new bedding!! Cooked dinner and now watching some Jack Whitehall. I hope work goes well for you. It may seem strange at first but you can get through this. I hope that the sessions are going well and stay strong for one another.
David.
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Yes keeping busy definitely helps. Itās just starting to do things I find the hardestā¦
just dread waking up in the mornings but have no choice.
Take care
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It never ceases to amaze Me how one simple trigger can kick off a whole range of emotions. One song on the radio has just set me off feeling emotional and crying again. I hate this. I hate the feeling of being left alone knowing i will never see her again.
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Music is a massive trigger for me. 6 Music do a ācloudbustingā mix of uplifting songs each morning, but I find a lot of them then trigger a negative emotion in me ie a regular is The The - This is the day, but the words " your life will surely change" take me back to the day she died ā¦ 
I have always loved music!! Anywhere I was Iād be playing music. Now I hate hearing songs becuse even if theyāre honest there will be words that just instantly crush me
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Tomorrow is a new day. Today, now that was a bad day!! The funny thing is, I keep forgetting what I teach others regarding mindfulness. Our future is only as far ahead as our next breath. I need to look to that future, but in small steps. I wont be consumed by grief, not when i was shown so much love. Carpe Diem.
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@Rute i know how that is I have few to talk to and I am supporting my son who is grieving. deeply . I do get a lot from this site . My hugs to you xx
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So, keeping Myself busy. Then Echo and the Bunnymen - Nothing Lasts Forever comes on the radio and i fold!! I hate this!! I hate the way these waves of emotion and grief wash over Me.
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I have sat and cried this morning but not sure what triggered it. I just all of a sudden got emotional whilst cleaning a windowsill. I have some good days and some bad days. Its so hard knowing I have to do thingās on my own around the house and also dealing with the sale of our old home as well as we moved due to Robs illness. Life is not how we planned in our older age but I guess its what we have to adjust to. Xx
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Iām struggling today, trying to keep busy, took my little girl to school and my son college, came home and made me and my eldest breakfast but we couldnāt eat as just have this constant sickness feelingā¦
Iv started back work gradually and working from home but IT have had to update laptop etc which is going to take all day so I donāt have that to distract meā¦
Feeling so anxious and overwhelmed as my little girl (sheās 9) has her second bereavement session this afternoon and it just makes me so sad sheās having to go through that, sitting there talking about her daddy and that heās died 
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@Scarl34 I feel for you. I am struggling as well. Work normally distracts me but not today. Not sure why but tears while I was trying to work. I understand the not being able to eat. I canāt at the moment as well
Iām sorry that your little girl is having to attend bereavement counselling. My heart goes out to both of you. This is an awful endless cycle of pain. I am not sure how I can help but send you my love and hugs. Hope everything goes well at the bereavement counselling today. Will be thinking of you and your little girl. Joyce xx
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Hi Scarl,
Just to let you know that my thoughts will be with you both as you attend this session. I hope it goes well. Let me know.
David.
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Hi @StarGate id say a Monday is the worst, then itās not because a Wednesday is awful, itās the day shaun passed so always a tough one, then the weekend comes and I think āno this is the worstā
Itās just so draining, I feel like Iām going to collapse any minute, and that Iām fighting my body? The pain is so agonising
Iām hoping faiths session will go ok, she really likes the woman and I think it helps her having some 1.1 time with someone else and talking but then afterwards it is very draining for herā¦
Sending you lots of love too xx
Thanks David, itās always so emotional and Iām sat here just looking at the time slowly passing until I go get her and take herā¦
sheās a very brave little girl but I think todays session will be extremely tough as know the counsellor is going to touch more upon how shaun died 
Hi Scarl,
Kids are much more resilient than what we give them credit for. They are much more able to articulate their thoughts and feelings. My daughter is 21 and it has hit her hard. She has a good support network in her best friend who lost her Mum at 11. Really hope today goes well.
Love and light to you.
David.
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Hi @David67 it was very emotional, the lady has started a book with Faith and she got abit confused so I got called into helpā¦ Faith doesnāt know exactly how shaun passed, she did ask me about 2 weeks ago did he have cancer and I told her yes, but when I asked if she wanted to talk about it she said no.
In the book she was at the part of āhow the person diedā and she didnāt know what to put so the counsellor called me in and I had to explain to her exactly what shaun had she just sat there taking it in smiling and nodding but I could see the pain in her eyes. I went back out into waiting room and just broke downā¦ I canāt believe how this is happening. Itās been such a bad day Iām so emotionally done and just canāt see a way out of thisā¦
How has your day been?
Hi Scarl,
That is immensely brave of the 2 of you today. To be able to do that for her, to explain it exactly, took courage on your part. Seeing pain that our children bear is hard, but that helps them to develop and process this.
I totally understood why you would break down also, its so raw, but look at the positives, this is something needed to be addressed and you have done it and came out of the other side. Yes, its been emotionally draining but there is a way out of this. Remember, each day you put your best foot forward and you carry on this journey regardless. Pain will get easier, grief will pass and we will be left with fabulous memories of our partners.
My day has been a bit up and down. I had to begin sorting things out for the future and although it needs doing, the agony and guilt that i feel doing it is unrelenting. I was finding notebooks with her writing in that i kept, perfume and such and it brought things crashing back!!
David.
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@David67 thank you, Faith is a very brave little girl and Iām in awe of her aswell as my Eldest, so strong even though she is hurting so so badā¦
I canāt even imagine my future, right now it looks like it will just get worse, mainly due to me not being in a stable position with house/financesā¦ itās so scary and I just donāt know whatās ahead for usā¦ but itās all on me now and I just donāt know what to do for the bestā¦
I know how hard and upsetting that must of been for you, I have so much of shauns things, I keep his aftershave on my bedside table and never want it to run out
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@Scarl34 what an awful day for you. Both you and your daughter have been very brave.
I know what you mean about after shave, I got his dressing gown out today to see if it still smelled of him. It didnāt really but I pretended and cried , again.
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Thank you @Paddy53 
Yes I know what you mean, I have shauns dressing gown in the cupboard and really want to get it out but just donāt know if I can
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