Hole in my heart

Hello I found this site while searching for something to ease my pain. I lost my daughter last year. She took her own life by hanging. The pain in my heart is endless and finding it tough to keep going. When I first found out I wanted to go with her. I had a breakdown and my son no longer wants to speak to me as he says I am making him and his girlfriend ill. I have given him all I can for years, paid his debts and always put him and my daughter first before my own needs. He says I am selfish playing the victim , and should be over it. I am still paying his phone bill. I am heart broken.

I am really sorry to hear about your daughter. My niece took her own life and I’ve just lost my son in an accident. Firstly don’t let anyone tell you you should be over it. You will never get over it. You will miss your daughter for the remainder of your life. Family really need to stick together when this happens, but if they don’t you have to put yourself first and be a little selfish. You have to deal with your pain. Would you consider going to a professional counselor?

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Thank you so much for your message. I am on the waiting list for therapy. I am sorry for your loss its hard isnt it xx

I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Unfortunately I’ve realized there are a lot of people living with loss. Life is cruel…x

Hi. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the problems you are dealing with now.
I have some understanding of how you must be feeling as my beautiful 14 year old son hung himself last month. I feel like there is no future without him, I don’t want to feel this pain for years to come.
Do not allow yourself to be made to feel selfish for your grief! We are not supposed to loose our babies and in such a way were I imagine you feel the same, you question everything you did leading up to what happened.
i know if I make it that far I will still be consumed with this pain, i’m Sure any mother would.
I really feel for you please be kind to yourself x

So sorry to hear of your loss. It is the most heartbreaking thing reading all your posts as it is not just me who is suffering Thank you for your kind words and be kind to yourself too. It is so soon NanC for your pain will be so raw. 15 months later my pain is still hard to bear. Nobody mentions my daughter any more and I cant bear to see photographs of her she is so beautiful. People I care for sometimes ask if I have any children but they ask frequently as most of dementia. I say I have two as my daughter is still very much in my heart xx

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I am so so sorry nanc for your loss. It is so recent, your pain will be so raw. There is no way to escape it though and it is a measure of the love you had for your child. My son died in July and I ache with pain, I miss him every minute of every day. Keep talking on here as you need to know others feel this pain to. And lean on family as much as you can. Life is so cruel…x

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She will always be your child no mTter where she is. :heart:

Do you think that there are ways to cope?
I know July isn’t really very long ago either so I imagine it’s all still very raw for you to.
I hate how life just continues and I don’t know how I am supposed to just carry on.
I have 3 other children one of which is the identical twin of the son I have lost.
People keep saying I have to carry on for them but they don’t realise that living without any of them is unbearable. People act like the way I feel is a choice. X

So sorry you lost your lovely boy NanC. It is the most heart breaking thing that can happen. I lost my precious daughter 12 weeks ago and it is still very raw. People that are further down the line in this dreadful journey tell me that 12 weeks is nothing. Those that have no experience of this have said all sorts of things that are inappropriate. In truth they don’t know what to say so I generally let it go. It does however rankle when I am told that I need to think of my son and go on for him. Of course we are sad for our own loss but no amount of other children can compensate for the sadness we feel for the child that now has no future. I think that is mainly what we are grieving for.
With regard for our own future one thing that does help is to talk with survivors of this horrendous ordeal. One told me that after two years she thinks of what happened every day but it is easier and she does have a quality of life. Another said she does plan things and looks forward them. She has enjoyed her other two children and grandchildren. For her it is now 35 years but she can’t remember when it got easier only that it did.
I thought at 4 weeks that I would not get to six but I am at 12. Like you I can’t bear the way everything goes on when my world has stopped. I have had counselling, talked, googled, read and posted anything and everything on this subject trying to make sense of it and I will continue to do so for as long as I need to.
I wish you and others some peace of mind. X

I think you get by initially simply because each day keeps on dawning, no matter how we feel time keeps moving. It’s really only when you look back that you realise that you are taking tiny steps forward. It doesn’t feel like it, but it happens. I didn’t think I would ever be able to leave the house again. The first time I went to a shop I couldn’t breathe, I took a panic attack. Now I can go to shops on my own. It annoyed me to when people said I had to keep going for my daughter. It’s hard to hear when you’re hurting so much for a child that has left this world. You want to go to them. That awful feeling of total despair does lesson with time. But you realise you have to learn the hardest lesson of all, you have to live a life that involves this pain. I look to others that are further on this journey and take hope from them. For now you shouldn’t think any further than the day you’re in. Just focus on getting through 24 hrs. Don’t ask to much of yourself.i still don’t know how to continue life without my son. I watch people carrying on and I don’t feel part of it. I hope and pray it gets a bit easier with time…x

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