Home Alone over Christmas

My husband had a totally unexpected massive stroke last Christmas eve while we were abroad on holiday. He was conscious but paralysed down one side, unable to speak or swallow or communicate except in a very few precious instances by tiny movements. He died abroad 18 days later.

This year my daughter did not invite me to join her on holiday so I booked a bridge holiday abroad. Playing bridge was something we enjoyed doing together, and I thought it would be an ideal distraction. But I discovered my passport is missing. As some other things are as well, it was possibly stolen.

I enquired about an emergency passport but was told it cannot be done for lost passports. The very thing I had to avoid is now something I have to face, and that is the anniversary of this tragedy on my own. As with many of you on this forum, I have been overcome with grief, even now after a year, and dreams and flashbacks of the events. It’s been hard, but now this is almost unbearable.

Hello Rosie
I too will be on my own this Christmas and I just wanted to tell you that I shall think of you. Take care…it is only one day and then we can all try to pick up the pieces again.

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Hi, I was also dreading Christmas, did have family around but still had all the emotions and feelings. My husband died in May so have also gone through a lot of the events birthdays etc.

I also lost my beloved husband this May so I was dreading Christmas. I was with my sister and her children, but as it has been said many times before unless you have lost your husband or wife people have no understanding what it is like to loose someone you have spent all your life with. Yes it is terrible when you loose a family member, which I have lost all my family to the dreaded cancer and nursed them all, so only my sister and myself left now out of 6 siblings.
The weekend before Christmas I just fell apart and could not get my emotions under control, the smallest of things set me of and would end up in floods of tears, which I have not done have always controlled it.
I could not bring myself to open presents it didn’t seem right without my husband beside me. So glad when I could get to bed and wake up to it all over, just got to get through this weekend, which I am going to spend on my own, cannot see any reason to celebrate a new year as it will not with the man I adored.
I hope all our friends on the forum find the strength to face the new year ahead , knowing we are not alone here we are surrounded with many in the same circumstances who
understand each one of us. Peace and love to you all.

I too was pleased to get through Christmas, I now feel that I can face the new year although it will be spent quietly on my own.This is my second one alone and I wonder how long before I feel stronger. People around are very kind and supportive and tell me how strong I am and how well I am doing, but I feel that grief is very personal and each one of us cope in different ways.It would be good to have a recipe to follow step by step which is silly as I know the only way is to try to stay as positive as we can and have faith in ourselves. Therefore I look at 2018 as a good challenge for the future bringing good achievements and hopefully peace of mind.

Hello Hazel, this will be my first new year on my own and like you I will spend it alone quietly not even staying up for the new year, at least when I wake it will be 2018. I have had a couple of firsts, birthday, anniversary but have to get through January as it would of been my husbands 75th birthday I hope after this I can face what life has to throw at me, but as present I am sorry to say I am not, but only time will get us through it with our beautiful memories we shared together.

Hello Barn Owl,I truly feel for you but somehow you find the strength within and begin to cope. We all know that each person deals with grief in their own way and it Is painful. Some days feel better and then it happens again, but always remember the next day will be better because it is like a yo-yo up and down. You have an inner strength which will see you through so please try to see life in a positive way and make friends and communicate .

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Thank you Hazel, I wish you the very best for 2018.

Hello to every one on this thread and across the site!
Each one of us has somehow succeeded in travelling through the holiday period and for that we must be greatful! Of course there will still be many ups and downs ahead of us but I hope that we all continue to hold out our hands across the ether and gain some comfort from knowing that we are not completely on our own as it sometimes seems. May each and every one of us find hope and serenity in the year ahead and, in the words of Tiny Tim, may “God bless us everyone!”

I echo all you have said. I felt things did not seem right without my husband here joining in with me.

I worry that this depressing, unhappy feeling will never go away. I am quite a strong person having been through difficult times in the past and coping reasonably well. This is like nothing I could ever imagine and outwardly I seem okay, but inside it is difficult to bear after two years I still struggle. How much longer will this go on?

Hi Hazel, It could have been me writing your comments, I am exactly the same, only my husband passed away May 2017. I cannot get myself out of it and I wonder how long the not coping feelings etc. with go on,

Hi Lyn, allI can think is that we have to let time pass and find our inner strength to cope. I have obviously had a year longer thuan you but I know that is of no help to you. However I find I have longer times feeling happy and actually smile a lot more. The difficult times are more often special times and things that that bring back memories of times together. I still need help with controlling my thought in bed at night and getting up in the mornings. However, I am sure given time we will be stronger because we have to…

Hello, Hazel. Your posting did give me a little hope that sometime there will be a little light relief from this dreadful depression I am going through after my husband died last June. At the moment all I can feel is total sadness but am hoping that when the days are longer and weather warmer, I may begin to feel better. It doesn’t seem that way at the moment but who knows? Thanks for your encouraging words. Kind regards. Eileen

Hello Eileen, I will elaborate a little more on how I have achieved help for myself. First of all I am disabled and am 80 years old, so I have had to work hard to do what I do.
I joined an art class and through attending it I paint a lot at home and also I belong to a craft group. Both of these take me amongst people where we talk a lot and laugh so that when I go home it is quite an uplifting feeling. It really takes an effort to start this but so worthwhile. Just talking to other people is very important and going out to a different environment… I hope this will help you as it has me.

Thankyou, Hazel, you have given me a kick-start to do what I have been putting off for some time. I love all forms of art and many crafts, and although there isn’t a lot going on where I live, I’m sure that I will find something. Yes, it will take an effort as I don’t have transport, and at the age of 86, it’s not always easy to get around but I’ll start looking now for an art class to start with. I certainly cannot go on as I am at the moment. I have joined a short-mat bowls group at a local church, and enjoy going every Monday evening. I am really glad that I read your posting on here. Warm regards, Eileen