It’s almost 5 months. My life will never be the same again. This is the worst thing I have ever gone through. I have worked very,very hard at healing myself and I accept it will be a lifetime task. I am in the process of moving, brought about by circumstances beyond my control. This is huge - this is the new me taking herself out into a new world, a new lifestyle. Over 40 years since I did this on my own. I’m nervous with some stress, and sad BUT I am also excited and optimistic. It has been a long time since I felt these wonderful positive emotions. I’m just going to keep cheering myself along, comforting myself when the pain is too much and reminding myself to smile & laugh as much as I can. For me it truly has become “easier” on some levels and for that I am very thankful.
Hi. There. Another uplifting post. While acknowledging the pain is still there you take a view of your situation and are determined to move on. OK! So you are you and everyone will not feel the same, but to feel at some sort of peace can only be good.
Of course nothing will ever be the same. That can never be for any of us. But we should keep our eyes on that light ahead. Some may find it a long way ahead some closer.
I do hope your move goes well. At first the excitement will be mixed with grief and sadness at leaving a place where you were together, but I believe your attitude will carry you through. Very best wishes to you.
Hello Heather, it’s so nice to read you post. I can feel the bravery in your words. It’s only 5 weeks for me, so I’m a long way off but it’s reassuring to read about people who have weathered the storm. I too may face moving due to my new circumstances and I find it terrifying, so thank you for reminding me we can be ok xxx
What a wonderful inspirational attitude. I like it. You are obviously determined to make the best of your life as it is now. It’s changed for all of us, it’s frightening but your words will give some of us hope that we can get through this with help from each other. Optimism and hope is important, I ask for the strength every day to have just a little bit of both.
Keep with us and let us know how you are coping with the changes. Very best of luck to you.
Pat xxx
At 5 weeks I never could have made this move - I could not even consider it…Life was very bleak with no light that I could find…You will feel the changes within yourself as time passes…there will be a day when you hear that your laugh is genuine, a footstep feels light again, that you can remember without bursting into tears every time. The searing pain & images of the last weeks still haunt me, but I’m learning to deal with them when they strike. I don’t cry as much, but I still weep uncontrollably at times. The deep sadness I feel has become a part of me and I will always carry it. The thought of moving is terrifying. I kept shoving it aside, until I could no longer do so. I tried to look at the issue, but it was much to difficult & stressful. It was very frightening so I just shoved it aside. Finally circumstances changed, and I realized I had to find a new “home”. Once the decision was made I forged ahead and tried to be as logical and practical as possible.
I feel a new woman emerging. So far I like her. I have never experienced such intense and complete introspection before. I have to be the woman my Che would want me to be - the woman he taught me to be, strong and resilient. I will be changed, but I will survive. I did not feel like this in the beginning, and really did not know how my life would play out. Now a new chapter is beginning…
Be gentle with yourself. It takes time to heal this great trauma.
Thank you Jonathan. I remember your posts from when I first joined this forum. You spoke frequently of the light at the end of the tunnel, and the return of hope. You spoke of dealing with the despair we all feel. Your words rang true, and gave me something to strive toward.
Making myself become a “social” being has been vital to my healing. I am moving because I have been forced to, not by my choice. This is the new role thrust upon me. If I am going to survive this ordeal, if I am going to defeat the despair that lurks, I must try as hard as I can.
Feeling the tiny spark of hope and optimism was, and is, wonderful. It was like the first time I heard myself laugh again. I will nurture that spark because that is what will get me through the dark days ahead…
Thank you Pat…It felt good to be able to write something positive. It’s a relief and a comfort to know that there is some light. I know the timing is very individual and personal. I was thrust into a swim or sink position - and I fought back the way my Che taught me. He taught me to be a survivor in a tough world. It’s still a long, dark road ahead but I’ll just keep polishing that hope & optimism when they peek out at me from the shadows.
Thank you for that, I am trying to be the woman I became when I met Tim. He made me flourish. I find it comforting to remember the faith he had in me x
Heather…
…i too will be moving, for me with my isolation and MS will be a case of having to for my safety sake and like you the whole moving process feels me with dread, not something i have ever had to do before all by myself…
Jackie…
My gosh, yes! I’m so glad you are feeling the way you do. When a post like yours comes up so many are uplifted by it. I am!! Of course the pain is still there and always will be, but it’s the intensity of the pain that matters. After many years the occasional twinge of memory may set us off. But such an attitude as yours will carry you through. Thank you for your kind words. The light does get brighter as I go along. Hope is always there whatever. But I do appreciate that this is not so for everyone, and my heart goes out to the newly bereaved when the pain is so great and overwhelming.
Bless you, and I hope everything goes well.
Dear Heather Diane,Thank you for your uplifting & positive post. I admire your (and everyone’s) resiliency in the face of so much pain and loss. I am not there yet. Since losing my beloved Sister (my best friend), it has been 2 steps forward, and 5 steps back. I have backslid into that dark hole so many times, after fighting so hard to pull myself out. It is exhausting. When she died, so much of my identity died with her. Do I even want to reinvent myself? If not I will remain this fragmented shell of the person I used to be. I am so happy that you are finding a new direction, and forging a new path in life. Your words are inspirational. Xxx Sister2
Hi Jackie - We moved many times I have that process down. But doing it alone is very different. I’m going slowly- packing & sorting as the urge takes me. My new place is really nice, and has lots of positives going for it. That makes it easier for me.
Have you found a new place? Or have you just made the decision that moving will be a good option? I really hope you can find a place where you feel safe & secure. I’ve had lots of people offer to help, but I don’t have much. If anyone offers to help you, accept the offer. Perhaps let them pack impersonal things like dishes, or foodstuffs.
Think as positive as you can about your move, as frightening and overwhelming as it might feel at times. I think that once you’ve made the decision, don’t second guess yourself. There are times I doubt my choice, but that’s sparked by fear I’m doing the wrong thing. I acknowledge the feeling but I don’t let it dwell with me. I just keep going as I know I’ve made the best decision for me. You make the best decision for you!
You are a strong woman. You can do this. I know my Che would want me to take care of myself as best I can - and I believe that he will come with me when I leave here…And you know how your Richard would feel…
I’m always here if you want to chat…
Heather…
…my number one worry is putting my Richards money to good use, this will be the last time i ever get money from him and i cant waste it so i have to get this move right, it is not just about what i want but with my MS it is also what i need…I will only have one chance at this…
Jackie…
I’m more resilient than I ever thought I would have to be. It is exhausting trying to cope with grief. It’s a very hard fight to win the battles with despair & darkness. And for a long time I didn’t win very often. Now I do - I don’t want to be a person who never experiences hope or joy again in her life.
Our losses do fragment us. Some parts of us shatter, never to be repaired. They are replaced with a sorrow that will never leave us. Work on healing yourself…nature,music,art ,children & animals all help to soothe a troubled soul. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient, this is a hard road to travel.
Jackie, you are a sensible lady and I have no doubt that you will make this move the right one for you. You know your needs and what you will have to cope with in the future and I am sure will find exactly what you want for your future contentment. You have not been happy in your present location so won’t make that mistake again.
I know what it’s like to move to a place and think it’s going to be just what you wanted only to find that the locals are unfriendly and the location not as idyllic as you thought. We had to cut our losses and get out and then my husband (first) walked out and left me with two toddlers to care for with no job, money etc. We think all is lost but we do survive. Just as you will.
Love Pat xx
Pat…
…i didn’t make the right choice in moving here…i cant make a mistake again…
Thank you Heather. This site is so helpful, because we comfort and learn from each other. Xxx Sister2
Heather, I admire you for being so positive.