…in a flower!
Dear friends
I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to share something special with you. As some of you may know, I lost my soulmate three years ago (tomorrow marks the actual day) in our garden in France… a few weeks before his death we had bought a passiflora plant from our local supermarket and it was in a pot by the garden door. (The passiflora is meant to have religious significance having been named after Christ’s Passion by Roman Catholic monks in the 1500s and Barry had always loved them) It grew and grew… it was beautiful and in the days following his death I would go outside every morning to find another new flower and I gained inordinate comfort from each one of them…living proof to my mind that some greater being was watching over me.When I returned to the UK I asked my landlord to look after it but sadly it died very quickly.
I have tried to grow two more such plants since my return but without success and thought it best not to try again. I thought my comforter had deserted me and have just done my best to keep going and find other things to lift my spirits. I have really struggled in recent months…I lost another of our little dogs in April and it really set me back…and have felt more alone than ever but I saw a passiflora for sale on the Web and thought I would try one more time. Imagine my joy this morning when I opened my back door to see that one of the buds had opened and I was greeted by a beautiful flower. To me it is a sign…of hope and remembrance …and I just wanted to share it with all of you and urge you not to give up but to keep hoping that life has still something to offer…perhaps not what we desperately want but still something of value and comfort.
We all know that grief is the price those left behind pay for the love and joy we have been blessed with in our lives. Today we remember all those who took part in the D day landings and the grief of all the families whose loved ones never returned. We tread a well worn path and as time passes we are joined by others just starting out…but this is only one chapter of our lives and not the whole book.
Sorry if I have rambled on…thank you for listening to me!
Take care x

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No, thank you so much for sharing this with us. I too look for these signs, now I know I’m not alone. I also feel like you. My life has changed, it’s another chapter and I hope one day it will be worth living. This does not mean for one second I will ever forget Brian but I feel I owe it to him to be around for as long as possible because I truly feel that I am keeping him around also, if that makes sense.
Flowers have a great healing power as does the beauty of the countryside around us.
We have allotments and I am looking after Brian’s. I still have his name on it and feel I’m only the caretaker. I still feel him there looking over my shoulder to make sure I’m doing things to his liking. Before he died he said he wanted a plot of flowers. I’m not sure why he said this although we do grow with the bee’s, butterflies etc in mind so there is always plenty of colour but this year his plot is absolutely a blaze of colour already. Calendula, poppies sage bushes, borage, roses, cornflowers, lilies. comfrey. People stop to look at it as they pass. I’m adding more flowers as he wanted and hope it will be a fitting memorial to him. He wanted the flowers and so far they have come without any assistance from me. I like to think of him busy working away when I’m not there and have even put a seat by his pond which he particularly liked so that he can sit there. These are simple little things that keep our loved ones forever in our hearts.
Please don’t think you are rambling I just love to read this sort of message, full of joy and hope. Thankyou. Pat xxx

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Thank you both. Beautiful words, describing beautiful things. Messages like these are so full of positive things. Just what I need today.

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Me too Trisha. I need to focus on the positive things. I don’t think we are grieving any differently to any other members of this forum, we are all coping in different ways and what is best for us. I feel the ‘grief monster’ is trying to take control of me and that is not something I like. I don’t like being controlled.
Take care Pat xxx

Hi Pat

I can echo that - I have always liked being in control (think Gary would have agreed - stock phrase was ‘yes dear’ - I knew he was humouring me - and taking the mickey at the same time). I am also a terrible passenger and do not drink… that too is a control thing. Gosh I sound fierce - I am not really.
I was going to mow the grass and it suddenly poured down. All dried up now - so may give it a go again soon. Instead I painted one of the bedroom walls - think it may be the wrong grey (bit battleship) - but it looks better than the pale green it was. We shall see!
Sorry to read on your other post what the council have done in the cemetery - how upsetting that must be- it sounded a beautiful place in your previous posts.
Trisha xx

Oh my goodness Trisha, how alike we sound. I never drink. Definitely a control thing. Brian was so easy going but if I ‘went off on one’ he just changed the subject and I forgot what it was I was going on about.
Like me you are also keeping busy. I decorated in the early weeks, anything to keep me busy. I work on our allotments and have kept Brian’s plot. Mowing, watering, weeding, planting, it keeps me occupied. I like to think Brian is looking over my shoulder and checking that I am doing everything to his liking. I know he’s around there have been so many things to indicate this. It gives me great comfort.
Are you by any change a Virgo, which I am. This sign are perfectionists and like everything to be right. I know I can be a pain at times. Brian was a Taurus, (dependable) and this is a good match. We was so different but it worked.
Yes the Council are going to get an earful and I’m not nice when I get going.
Take care Pat xxx

Hi Pat

No I am not a Virgo - Gary and I were both Aquarius - our birthdays were four days apart - and he loved the fact that in those four days I was four years older than him!
We were very similar - but he was much more laid back than me - whilst I was more likely to lead the charge!

I sorted out some of his clothes this afternoon - not all of them but I made a start. Will take them to the Salvation Army homeless refuge tomorrow if I can. I was chatting to Gary while I did this - at the moment getting rid of just things he had not worn for ages - which made it easier. Slowly does it I guess. James wants me to keep some of his stage gear and I will keep a few favourite things. It is almost as if I have to - but it is very early days. It is now over four weeks and it still feels like yesterday in some ways.

My headache persisted so I left the lawn - but the grey on the bedroom wall dried to a really nice colour. I will carry on with that tomorrow - was quite pleased with myself.

Wishing you a restful night.
Take care
Trisha xx

Yes thank you for sharing…
…you have painted the perfect picture of life after life…there is always fresh life which carries on after death…

Yes flowers, plants and trees all have a life of their own…I particularly have a fascination with the life of trees…and I hope that one day too I shall be as free as a bird, amongst all our trees…

…I too am the same, I like being in control, control of my life, my situations, although some things like my MS are controlling me, the one thing I have no control over…
No I too do not drink, well maybe a small Baileys at Christmas with Richard, guess that wont be taking place this year…Baileys nor Christmas…
Me and Richard were complete opposites, which meant his good points were my bad points and vice versa…Richard was Capricorn I am Aries…he was the calm one, I was the fiery one or the one who always gets flustered…He was not a worrier whereas I am…Richard never worried about the future, I was always thinking well ahead of what may or may not happen, well I never saw the morning of 11th April coming…


…same as Richard he was very laid back…just took every day and situation in his stride, never moaned, never complained, never refudsed to do anything, took me anywher in the car I needed to go…never ever refused, always there to collect me, always got me their on time, although in his world if my appointment was 10am, that was the time he aimed for where I grew up being told that if one goes to a job interview on time our resume may get thrown in the waste bin, they was always looking for the staff who turned up for the interviews a good ten minutes early, and that was the way I was…It was always Richard I want to be at the dentist - opticians with ten minutes to spare…I was always stressed in the car that he was going to leave it to late and I would miss my appointment, but he always got me there on time…with a few minutes to spare…


ameliesgran what a beautiful, beautifully written post. I’m absolutely delighted for you too. I bet your flowers grow and grow now. So good to read a positive and uplifting story rather than one of misery and pain. We all know all about the grief don’t we and I for one need to focus on the brighter elements of this journey. Thank you so much for telling us something that brings smiles. Love and prayers for you. Especially tomorrow xxx

Thank you cw13…sending my love and prayers to you too x

Thank you all for your replies.
Pattidot I can almost see and smell Brian’s flowers and they will be giving much pleasure to all who see them as well as reassurance to you that he is never far away. You often inspire me with your posts…thank you x

O how I agree with you. Every day I look for a bright side, of course I cry as well who doesn’t. Grief has no mercy or respect.
Today is raining and I get fed up of people moaning about rain. I ask them if they want to live in a barren landscape or the beauty of Britain. Or do they want to switch on the tap and have no water. This grief has taught me to not take what we have for granted. I still struggle but there are people far worse off than me.
Our pain will never leave us but we will survive.
Take care Pat xxx