Hi it’s been 5 months after losing my husband and best friend of 35 years, after first 6 weeks I totally lost it to panic attacks and dibilatating anxiety, waking in terror every morning is more and more taking my will to go on, it’s exausted me! I’ve lost my job, and terrified of eventually living alone, I’m staying with my daughter as had a big attack at home and ran away, I’m currently going to swap house for a flat as its housing association, everyday is just existing, I know I should try and pull myself together, I’m just weak and lost all feeling and motivation for life,
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@Bugiz , im so sorry you are feeling so wretched. I lost my husband 23 days ago and i suffered terrible panic attacks but I did go to the doctors abd have medication which is just kicking in. Today was the first day i didn’t feel terror. I know it’s not for everyone but do reach out to a doctor.
@Bugiz I’m so sorry for your loss. You are not weak but suffering from grief and this is extremely stressful. Losing our loved one is the hardest thing any of us is likely to face. Most here report panic, anxiety, lack of motivation and many more emotions so your feelings are understood. I think @Freefaller is right. If you are suffering so badly from anxiety try to get help from your GP. This may help settle your anxiety. Nothing will take away the pain of your loss, we are all different but it’s day to day until we find a way and there is no timetable. Hugs cx
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I did go to gp 6 weeks after his death because of ocd thoughts, but unfortunately 2 weeks into taking the antidepressants that’s when I started panic attacks and anxiety gp was useless and impatient with me, it took a second panic attack visit to a+e for me to beg them to take me off them, they were much kinder to me, I’m with crisis team now on mirtazapine and diazepam , the mirtazapine has helped me sleep and eat again, but I dread when I have to stop diazepam, its only short term and morning anxiety attacks are horrible because your defences are so low when you wake up! I held his head in my hands after he took his last breath and said I couldn’t go on without him, I think some power in the universe heard that! I never anticipated the physical battering grief can bring as well as emotional, the therapist was telling me today how we’re prone to diabetes, heart problems and ulcers now, I’m really afraid of waking up each day now
@Bugiz You sound so sad and you are doing the right things. I think the physical pain is the biggest shock from grief as we expect the emotional pain although not at the level it hits us. It is so hard but it is day to day, sometimes hour to hour. Post as you need. Nobody judges here we are only here to help each other. Hugs xxx
Thank you, the posts here provide such valuable insights into grief I never knew about and give comfort, when no one else understands, I will try day by day
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Oh @Bugiz, isn’t grief is so physically and emotionally debilitating. I am so sorry for your loss. I think we can all relate to many of the symptoms you describe and it really doesn’t help having an unsympathetic GP. Holding your lovely husband as he passed sounds so traumatic, PTSD is often associated with grief, particularly when it is under such distressing circumstances. Would you feel able to talk with your therapist who may offer CBT or other therapeutic trauma support? Know that you are with friends here who do really understand how difficult it is, both emotionally and physically, as @Mike75 says, small steps, we’re right behind you. Sending love xx
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Thank you, the words of support mean a lot. Been lying awake this morning all wound up in bed for hours, I’ll get up now and try and get through the day somehow, can’t focus on tv or anything like that, I’ll do it bit by bit
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