Hopelessness

My husband and fur baby died on the same day a few weeks ago. My mother-in-law is my best friend she’s 93 bless her I do what I can for including her washing etc. my daughter (30) is an amazing young woman whom I’m so proud of. Recently she asked me to take care of hers and her partners dogs whilst they attended their best friend’s wedding and stayed over at a hotel. I jumped at the opportunity to help I offered to stay the day with the dogs and overnight if her partners parents couldn’t have them when they got home (my daughter & partner live next door to his parents). I have a chihuahua and they all get along really well. When my husband was alive we had their dogs overnight a couple of times but frenchies snoring means they had to sleep downstairs. The frenchie is a male and my daughter’s dog is a female chihuahua cross Jack Russell. My sisters male dog visits and when either male dog visits the other one wants to scent over the previous ones visit. Then my daughter’s dog a few days after hubby died squatted and urinated in the doorway of the main room. Obviously she was upset with the dog and said “This room is just like a piss pot. I never reacted but tried to cover up how upset I was. My husband haemorrhaged in that room and I was in the process of sourcing a new carpet. So when I offered to look after their dogs I requested it would be at their house as I felt protective over the new carpet. My daughter understood and everything fine - a couple of weeks later she rang me and told me that the dogs had been sorted thank you and they wouldn’t need me I replied keep me as plan B which she again thanked me for. Then proceeded to tell me rather casually that I wouldn’t have been insured to stay over at her partners as he wouldn’t be physically in the house. The house is owned by his parents. I felt a little hurt knowing that they have friends over to stay but I’m not insured to stay it made no sense she brushed my feelings aside and just said it’s ok mum the dogs are sorted it doesn’t matter. I explained to her that I felt vulnerable and it would be nice to feel I could stay over at her home should I ever need to. I told her that her stepfather would have been disappointed in the way this was treated so casually. Then she called round and I felt the wrath of her tongue saying she was setting boundaries with me and I wasn’t to throw her stepfather in her face. My answer was it was an opinion a comment about my late husband in my home I calmly told her it wasn’t to hurt her but to make her understand that my feeling count. The aggressive attitude in her voice was awful she told me to apologise (not ask) otherwise she wouldn’t be in my life anymore. To say I was shocked is an understatement I offered to say sorry but admitted that I wasn’t a hypocrite and had to admit the apology wouldn’t be heartfelt or true. I got shouted at “Say it just say it” I’m not going to be treated in that way and didn’t say a lot until she said she was now out of my life. She’s the executor of my will and my solicitor had advised strongly that I remove her as one. I was coping with my husband’s death (he’d been terminally ill) and I’d dealt with funeral directors on my own and just about everything else on my own. I lost all my friends over the last two years as he went through chemo I protected him as much as I could from Covid etc which he was a little anxious about getting. I’m here on my own all bank holiday like I was over Easter as everyone is continuing with their own lives. I don’t want to be a burden but it’s like I’m non existent apart from a few phone calls. I’m grieving for three now husband my fur baby and daughter who was my rock. Without her by my side I’d rather not be here

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Hello @Loro,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and your fur baby that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

Another good place to get support is Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Support service - 0800 096 6606 or pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Alex

Hi @Loro it sounds like you been having a really hard time on top of trying to deal with the loss of your husband. Relationships can become really challenging when there is a death in the family and I wonder if your daughter isn’t also struggling with the loss of her stepfather.
Perhaps now would be a good time to reach out to past friends who you have lost touch with, or maybe try a new activity where you can meet new people. It’s really hard I know, but I find being around people helps.
Keep posting on here as there are lots of people who understand and can offer support and kindness - something we all need at the moment.
Just one day at a time is all we can do at the moment xxx

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