Haven’t been on here for a while, it’s 4& half years since my husband died due to a sudden, massive heart attack and life is plodding on, still missing him so much. Last weekend my neighbour had a heart attack, rushed him into a&e, but he was lucky, they managed to put a stent in and he’s recovering, possibly coming home tomorrow. I feel so angry, jealous, and confused. We have lived next door to him for nearly 30 years, and I am glad he’s pulled through, so don’t understand these other feelings. I just wish I could say Mark was coming home.
7 Likes
@gilmar
I am so sorry to read about your loss. The feelings you have are the ‘why me’ syndrome and I know it well.
My wife suffered a heart attack in December 2024, I dialled 999 and carried out CPR until help arrived. The paramedics were with us in minutes, I still don’t know how they got there so quickly. They worked on her for about half an hour and managed to restore a pulse. She was blue lighted to hospital, went straight into theatre and had two stents fitted. Sadly overnight her condition deteriorated and the following day I was informed she was suffering multiple organ failure and there was nothing more they could do. We had been married for 48 years and have no children. We lived for each other and were soulmates, she’s taken part of me with her.
It is easy to feel singled out and alone on this rocky path that we find ourselves on but, if you look at all the sad stories on this website, we are far from alone. There must be thousands suffering as we do. In fact among couples logic would say that one partner is likely to be left bereaved. The only exceptions would be accidents or the rare occasions when one partner dies within a few days of the other.
If we knew why this cruelty happens then we would probably know the meaning of life.
Don’t feel guilty for how you feel it’s natural. When I feel victimised I try to think how lucky I was to have 48 years with my wonderful girl. Many people don’t get the chance to experience love and happiness like that. Yes, it ended too quickly but there were no guarantees when we met and got married. If I had known back in 1976 of the grief I’m suffering now, would I still have married her? Of course I would, in a heartbeat. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I have been very lucky. I’m definitely not a victim.
I talk to her every day because I believe she is still with me and looking out for me.
You don’t say if you talk to your partner but, if you don’t, it’s worth trying.
I would also suggest you keep posting on this wonderful website where you will meet kind people who understand exactly what you are going through.
Treat yourself gently and take care.
8 Likes
Rjay
That was a lovely message for@gilmar
I can relate to a lot what you said.I too have that"why me"syndrome.Also the feeling of guilt.My wife passed here in the living room.I called 999 and the paramedics were here very quick.The lady next door helped me get my wife onto the floor off the sofa but i think it was all too late.I think she had already gone.I will always be grateful to that lady, ironically we never really got on well.The paramedics were here for seemed like hours doing CPr.Sadly thy couldnt restart her heart.I blame myself i should have called 999 earlier.Every day i say to her its all my fault.WE had been married 36 happy years now all that happiness has gone.We had no children like yourself.One of the hardest parts i find is apart from missing the love and care my wife gave i find the loneliness and emptyness so painful.Only having cousins family wife and my wifes sister who is disabled after a brain hemmorage ther e is no one now only me.Even though i have gone back to work its so heartbreaking coming back to the empty house.There is human contact at work but theyre only colleagues not friends.The phone calls i used to get seem to have got less and less too, which seems a common theme with most of us.Like yourself my wife and i lived for each other and it feels like part of me has been torn apart.I was lucky to have 36 years of happiness with my dear wife i just wish there had been more years but it all ended too quickly and suddenly tooI talk to my too which does help, and posting and reading on this website helps too everyone is so kind and understanding.I ordered a book from Waterstones called "angels are with you now"which i hope will help.
Thank you for your understanding, take care
5 Likes
Thanks @brummy
We have certainly been through a traumatic experience and now have to deal with the grief and emptiness in our lives.
I suppose eventually we will manage to live with it and, personally, I think a spiritual approach will help.
The book Angels Are With You Now is an easy read and Kyle Gray, the author, certainly has an interesting story to tell. It was only after I had read it and thought about it that the message started to sink in. Whether you start thanking Angels for the good things in your life, or just simply count your blessings, the process does lift your mood. I can’t claim it works all the time, far from it, but it certainly helps me.
Thank you for your kind comments. As I’ve said before I’m not entirely sure all this is coming from me! My wife was a secretary and once I start typing the words just flow, so I do wonder if she is helping a little bit.
5 Likes
Thank you for your heartfelt message, sorry you’re in this club too. It’s difficult to keep perspective sometimes, but you’re right, we have to remember and be thankful for the lives we shared with them. Wishing you peacexx
6 Likes
It is hard sometimes, but we do have to remember that they Loved us as much as we love them.
7 Likes
I so miss being loved. I don’t feel complete anymore. Today I’m listening to Andy’s old records and remembering the past, when we were young. It’s so emotional. Listened to Ringo Starr ‘Only you’ remembering that he used to sing that to me. I so want to go back to when it all started, when we were young in 1974.
4 Likes
Lydia2
I know exactly what you mean, i miss being loved too.That really does hurt me.I thought the world of my dear wife.We loved each other so much, now there is just an eptiness and lonelliness.That song by Ringo Starr is a lovely song.I just wish my dear wife was still with me.Coming back to the empty house is so hard.We did everything together.Everything seems so pointless now.Its more like existing day to day than living.Take care
3 Likes