Horrible thought

Its now 4 weeks since mg big sister died suddenly aged 48. Im heartbroken and struggling to cope.

I have a brother aged 47 (im 40) who lives 600 miles away. His way of dealing with life is to pretend it isnt happening. The first 3 days after my sister died, he was talking to us all the time and i thought, hoped, that things were going to be different. During dads illness and after he died, my brother stopped speaking about it, wouldnt speak about dad at all and stopped calling us. After the first few days it seems like things are going the same way. My brother in law took every opportunity to involve us both in the funeral planning etc but he just ignored messages.

Well he called me this evening for a chat. Out of the blue. We didnt talk about my sister directly but i hoped if we had this conversation we could build up to it. We talked about general things and, when he finished at 40 minutes, he told me the reason he’d called was because he wants something from me.
Wants me to go to a record shop next week and buy a record thats being delivered to only small independent record stores. Apparently there’s three where i am but none near him. When I told him he could tell me where they were but my mobility isn’t great so it would be unlikely id be able to get there, suddenly he had to go and eat his dinner and ended the conversation and the call.

Heres the point. Its a bad thing to think I know but I feel like I lost the wrong sibling. The wrong sibling died. And I know that’s a horrific thing to think but i cant stop thinking that now. He’s only going to speak to me when he wants something, whereas i was really close to my sister and i cant get him to talk to me properly, but my sister i could talk to about anything. Its not fair that she’s the one who’s gone.

And then i feel like the worst person in the world for even thinking that.

1 Like

Hello @vivmt,

I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. It sounds as though things are very difficult at the moment and you are feeling heartbroken.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Take care - keep reaching out,