House Full of Triggers

Losing a partner
1

My Sandie and I moved into this house in March 2021. It was supposed to be our final ‘forever home’ after 11 moves in 48 years of marriage…well, in her case, it was. Initially the advice from all quarters was don’t do anything or make major decisions for at least 12 months. I am trying to take solace in the fact she loved it here so much and was happy for the majority of her final 2 years, but 18 months down the line…I think I’m on the verge of a major decision…anybody else unsure of where they find themselves?

House full of triggers, house full of tears
A place that’s now home to all my worst fears

House full of triggers, was our special place
You loved it so much, now my empty space

House full of triggers, devoid now of hope
Excitement all gone, a place just to cope

House full of triggers, unbearable load
Each day that arrives feels like I’ll implode

House full of triggers, house full of pain
Can I truly be happy here, ever again?

House full of triggers, so what do I do?
All that I see just reminds me of you

House full of triggers, and not a knee jerk
But much as I try, I can’t make it work

House full of triggers, but not full of life
That all disappeared when I lost you my wife

House full of triggers, I can’t carry on
Pretending to live here now you are gone

House full of triggers, I long for your touch
I long for your kisses, I miss you so much

House full of triggers, my heart still lives here
My head says I can’t stay…that much is clear

House full of triggers, house full of dreams
Never fulfilled…never redeemed.

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2

I made a major economic mistake trying to escape “the death house.”

but I healed much faster.

if money is not a problem, I would move, depending on your age. just a thought. if you feel you have another chapter to come … you might try a new place. or close up the old home for an extended holiday someplace and weigh your feelings.

however, in time, it may become a home again and not a death house. we evolve everyday and often we jump before our feelings and life have a chance to evolve to meet the new us.

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Thanks for your thoughts…yes, I’m aware that there’s no going back from major decisions…it’s difficult…:sweat:

4

@UnityMan. I lost my husband 20 months ago and have just moved into a retirement apartment. It has been very challenging but I have settled in very quickly. It was my husband’s wish that I moved as he knew that I would not like living alone, and I feel safe with the extra security. I am fortunate that I am in a position to manage the extra finances involved.

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I’m glad things are working out for you :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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I don’t think we can ever know for sure how it would feel to move until we’ve done so, which makes it tricky. If you’re able to, the best thing would probably be to try to live elsewhere for a while, maybe renting out the house instead of selling it, and see if it feels better or if you just miss the house and want to go back. :heart:

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8

I’m definitely selling the house we shared for 34 years. In fact I’m moving to a new city where daughter lives and where airport to son is. I can’t bear to be in the house where husband is no longer.

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I wouldn’t be able to move, even if I wanted to. This house was our dream house, and my husband worked hard to make it even better. More importantly, it has been adapted to suit my daughter’s disability. It has everything she needs and makes life as easy as possible for me to care for her. We were determined that it would not look like a care home. He made ramps to match the existing flooring. The grab rails in the bathrooms look like towel rails. The wet room has a sparkly floor. He even designed a stained glass window in the bathroom. All to please me and my daughter.
Yes, he is all over this house still, and that’s why I can’t leave. Xx

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Perfectly understandable in your situation. Good luck.

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It’s such a hard decision to make isn’t it. Almost two years on since losing my gorgeous husband I too am having to try and make a decision on moving from the home we shared for 30 years but it’s breaking my heart at the thought of doing this
My head tells me to go to be nearer my family who all live 75 miles away and here it’s only me and my little dog, we never see anyone and being retired now it’s long lonely days. My hubby would be horrified seeing me here now and I know in my heart he would be saying…it’s time to go now. I hope one day soon I find the courage and go. I hope you too find peace.

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