I’m interested in know how people are moving on with their grief on here ? I think the world makes it harder to be honest with you. Something happens and you instantly think of your loss 1, it really doesn’t help really and makes you think how lucky we really was to have a life with that person. My life has changed so much over the space of a year and half. I want to move on but it’s been more difficult for me.
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Hi Keith, I think “moving on” as you say isn’t a thing I actually thought about doing…it simply happens with the passage of time…it’s just putting one foot in front of the other in the early days of our loss…then it’s being able to get a routine, however simple that may be.
Grief becomes less over time and I honestly didn’t start to feel “better” until three years after Ian died, although I’m going through a lonely phase at the moment even though I have good friends and family.
It’s four years on for me and I think the only thing that truly changes is how your grief sits with you…it gets lighter to carry around.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, but people truly do know how this despair feels. You will get through it.
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@JaneyS is right, moving on just happens bit by bit. But after a while, during which grief was overwhelming, I started to imagine how I would like my new life to be, a bit like developing the plot of the next chapter of my life. When chances arose, I was able to start taking steps in that direction, and now after 3 years my life is back on track.
Just as important was that I had also decided how I didn’t want it to be.
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I seem to be having a not much good luck recently . I’ve had to fight a little to get where I am now. It’s not all grief it’s health and how the world treats you too. It’s a very selfish world and we can’t all adapt to that aspect. We try but there’s always going to be someone to push you back down.
I am trying to move on. On Friday i went again to the senior lunch alone.
I drove there and that was challenging parking. I sat by a widower and he said his friend had died. That was another widower who I had sgared a table with the three of us together. I had persevered not feeling like I fitted in before. It was sad. But I was glad he had come on his own. We talked about our experience of being a carer. His wife had had dementia. He said that stopped him being able to move on but his friend had encouraged him. It isnt easy but I force myself. I have met some people there. I took a birthday card to a married friend and wrote her a poem. I had a chat.
I chat to old folk and wherever I get the chance. Up the churchyard where his grave Is, at the lent lunches, after church. I felt sorry for a bachelor who lost his mum who isnt eating. I am making a lot of stew. I am thinking of giving some away. I could take some to the lent lunch if i can takecig withiht spilling it.
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Well done @Enorac. Keep on trying is the key. If one thing doesn’t work, then either try again, or try something else. When I thought things were against me, I got some therapy (mindful meditation in my case), and now realise they never were (or were nowhere near as bad as I imagined). It’s just my negative wandering mind was telling me otherwise. My wandering mind is now a good mate, and tells me the opposite.
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Can I ask where you went for the meditation?
Hi @Cadburys52. I looked around, I was originally looking for a local Buddhist retreat, but eventually found https://www.fionawatsonmindfulness.com/. Fiona is a lovely gentle lady, who really cares for us. It isn’t in any way religious, but just uses the principles.
The benefit is that she does it all via zoom, which works brilliantly. . We do a couple of weekly sessions as a group, plus individual support where needed.
If you look at the site, she does free of charge, one half hour individual consultations, so you can see if it’s for you. She has been an amazing help to me. If you follow it up, feel free to tell her she was recommended by Eddie.
Good luck
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Moving on alone is difficult. I try not to think about it as such but try to say yes to most invites and often enjoy myself.
I try to make effort to go out get fresh air each day smile speak to people- you never know what they are going through.
Some days the effort is too much the tears flow but I dust myself off and try again. Routine helps enormously. Work, a dog.
To quote Richard E Grant- I try to find a pocketful of happiness each day- and that happiness gets easier to find over time.
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That’s so lovely Cooki and so true
Thank you sounds great. How much are the sessions? Xx
Hi @Cadburys52. I think that depends on whether you want group or individual sessions. I’d just have your free consultation, and ask. You’ll learn a huge lot from the consultation anyway:pray:
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I suppose you could say I was moving on when I agreed to help when the opportunity arose. Yesterday I got asked out of the blue to read a longish passage in the church service I hadn’t seen before at very short notice. I agreed and had to just wing it and get on with it. I thought they must have enough people to make the story work. I realised it was about time I stopped sitting back and being carried.
It was time to do what I could. There had been a time of change with some people either being too ill or being away.
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I agree I want to move on but it’s like walking through treacle