How can I believe

Hi everyone I have been reading your posts rather tearfully. I have read comments about your loved ones knowing you love them still and such like. I used to truly believe that there was an after life but my belief has deserted me and I need it so very much. How do I get it back. I have prayed and begged to just see or hear my darling hubby one more time just for a few seconds I would do anything. I won’t go through the whole story again but when he died I was in the same hospital very ill indeed . I came close but survived but now I really wish I hadn’t No family at all no-one to care. I have noone to talk about him with. What’s left of his family don’t want to know. I have physical issues left over from my illness . This is hell . How can I believe he still exists. I feel I have gone mad.


Hi Bell,

I too went through a stage of not believing we went on anymore & it made the grief worse.

But then I thought human bodies like Cars go wrong, sometimes they can be fixed sometimes they can’t…

Then I thought about Mediums, yes some may be fake but surely not all of them? Some people say they’ve had concrete proof from them.

Finally I thought like a Car they were originally made from a Plan, were so complex so something must have made us, I don’t tell my body to do anything it just does!

So I finally came to the conclusion that our bodies are like a “cover” & when that cover fails we leave it & go elsewhere, so wherever our loved ones are I’ll go there eventually.

I hope this makes some sort of sense to you & helps.


remember that you are not alone you can always talk to us. Everyone on here knows a bit of what you are going through. i remember thinking that I was going mad but after talking to people in the same circumstances you realise that you are just the same as everyone else who is grieving. II don’t think it is unreasonable to have doubts of an afterlife. Plenty of people have had those after a death of someone close. Don’t beat yourself up it might resolve itself and give you comfort

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Thank you for your replies and sorry for taking a while to say that. I have been awful for several months and possibly due in part to additional physical issues . I have a chronically painful back which is I think partly due to my illness seven years ago when he died .Everything was so upside down My love in hospital at same time as me. I nearly died and so many times I have wished I had. If only I hadn’t been ill and had been at home maybe I could have noticed he wasn’t well and got him to hospital sooner I have consulted doctors but I can’t get any treatment except pain killers which done really help. I do the exercises they tell me to do but I’m still in pain most of the time and dreadful discomfort from the colostomy hernia I just feel that everything is wrong. I am over retirement age but still work as can’t afford not to but I often feel I am going mad with pain both physical and mental. There are so many people in pain. Annie and Flower garden thank you for your comfort and I think deeply buried somewhere in me I think we do go on in some way otherwise what’s the point of this world. Sending love and thanks xx

i am sorry for your loss . I have recently lossed my father .I think of him as fallen asleep and some day he will wake up. i am a christian and believe in heaven but i dont know if my dad did. i know he did lots of good things to help people but it also takes believing . I always think that everyone falls asleep and one day will wake up
he is still there in your thoughts . I think about and picture my dad all the time it helps but i know it can be hell as i am going through tough time dealing with his death on my own,
keep writing here You have people who understand

Hi Chiara
A lovely response thank you so much. I am trying hard and I think that as at the time I was dangerously I’ll myself and still have the aftermath of pain and discomfort I feel I am just going through it all again and again. I often wonder if people dream about their lost loved ones. It will be 7 years in September and I have never dreamt about him once I only wish I could at least I would see him. I am going on holiday in Sept Shouldn’t really as the cost of living is so scary now but to be honest so what. No point trying to save money .We only ever spent money on travel not material possessions and we had wonderful experiences together. I still travel and everywhere I go I take some of his ashes and out them somewhere beautiful. It’s bitter sweet though. I will keep on trying to believe he still exists, just wish I could stop feeling ill and tearful. Bless everyone in this group. I do read a lot of posts and end up in tears . I’m trying to feel lucky to have had such a love because before I met him I didn’t think I would ever find anyone truly decent who would love me. I had some real disasters. Falling in love with him and realising that he loved me too was like coming out of a world of darkness. .

Hi Bell i am really sorry for your pain . As i read this i felt your pain as well . You’re not on your own we are all with you .Be kind to yourself, go on holiday A change of scene might help . Could you put up photos of where you travelled around the house ?? I did that and it brings some comfort .I have never dreamt of dad but take time out to light a candle and think of him and think of him any time of day . I know pain and mine is still raw .I tend to burst into tears any time even in public crowded shopping areas so i just have to rush to a quiet area . But thats the way it can be . Try not not worry about dreaming about him you can spend time with thoughts and photos of him . I do that and its like i can feel his presence He feels very close . I keep picturing dad and his reaction to the things i do Some times i feel that he would laugh and sometimes scold me
Your loved one is in your thoughts and i find that can be very powerful and comforting. Be kind to yourself and keep posting