My mum passed away a few weeks ago and I’m struggling to know the best way to be there for my Dad after losing his wife of 40+ years. She was my best friend and the death was fairly sudden so it’s hit us all hard.
We get on well, I live with him so I’ve been giving him space but also making him aware that I’m there if he wants to talk, also the help that’s out there if he needs it, I’m trying not to be too pushy and let him do things within his own time. He does struggle to open up. He’s been drinking nearly everyday since it happened, I don’t want to tell him what to do but have been trying to guide him by cutting down on drink myself and asking if he’s having a rest today etc, I’m just worried that he’s going to get ill.
Any help or advice from those who have lost a partner would help a lot.
Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it sounds to me that you are doing all the right things, it’s so early for you both and everything will be so raw and painful right now. Carry on being supportive as you are doing, your Mum would be very proud of you I’m sure. Just, keep an eye on the drinking and encourage him look after himself, as you already are. How are you doing, coping with your loss and supporting your Dad is going to be hard on you too, so you make sure you take care of yourself. Post on the forum whenever you need to.
Thanks for your kind words, really appreciate it. I think it will just be a case of chipping away at him slowly and trying to encourage him to look after himself on the drinking front.
I’m not in a good place so trying to balance getting help and support for myself whilst trying to get my Dad on the straight and narrow. I’ve got limited support in terms of family and friends but reaching out to who I can.
I’m really sorry for the loss of your mum. I understand this is a really hard time for you and it’s very difficult grieving such a big part of your life but also worrying about your dad.
Coming here to ask how to support him is so very thoughtful and I am sure your mum would be so very proud. I think it may feel like a battle going on in his head but I am sure he is so grateful for you even if he struggles to express that.
I think you sound like you are doing the right things. Maybe you could speak to him about this groups (and others like this). I know you said he struggles opening up but this forum he doesn’t have to use his name so it could feel like an anonymous support where he can talk/ rant to people who understands, that he doesn’t necessarily know. It’s hard talking to friends/ family about this stuff as you worry about burdening or hurting them.
I hope you both have a good support network and are managing to eat, drink and sleep ok.
Hi. I so get this my mum passed away almost 4 years ago, she was my dads bestfriend married for 32years his right arm. He’s still absolutely devastated from losing her I’m the youngest of 6 but makes sure I’m always there for him, if he needs to cry or chat about mum we do it together. Just being there for your parent is the best thing you can do…