I am approaching the anniversary of my lovely husbands death and I am dreading it.
I still find it hard to believe this has happened to me. I miss him more and more each day and can’t face the fact that the ‘this time last year …’ memories are running out!
I don’t want my birthday this year because I will be older than Mark and that is too hard to think about.
Life seems so lonely and empty
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I don’t want to celebrate my birthday or Christmas this year just unbearable without my les.
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@Jenny6 i am sorry that you lost your husband so suddenly which must of been such a shock for you. I also lost my husband in December suddenly and unexpectedly. He was 53 years old. I didn’t celebrate my birthday this year and I won’t be celebrating Christmas this year either as last year I was in such shock and numb while this year will be so real. I find the rawness at the beginning has gone but find now a deep sadness and miss my husband so very much. the reality that he is not coming back is so hard. I don’t think I will ever be able to accept acceptance as so painful. Life is so unfair and cruel. Take care and big hugs xx
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I know what you mean about reality setting in - it is brutal to wake every morning alone.
My husband was only 57 and it seems so unfair to go so young .
The pain seems to get worse as the numbness wears off - life ahead seems bleak sometimes .
Look after yourself
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I know @Jenny6 im at same stage as you its so very painful isnt it ? I miss him more and more and yeh i think the lonliness is starting to hit me now. i miss his hugs, his laughter just everything. And yeh you go back to this time last year dont you ? This time last year i didnt even know i was gonna lose him. The doctors had told us they were gonna sort it ! They lied !
Last halloween i bought two miniature pumpkins and after halloween he doodled eyes and a mouth on them. I have still got them on my window sill and they are disintegrating but i cant bear to do anything with them ! All these little reminders that our lovely husbands were here, they were real and they were so loved xxx
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Hi all, I feel the same I want time to stop so I don’t have to do all the occasions I used to love sharing with Lee and now I can’t. I have teenage girls so I have no choice but to do something for Christmas but I am trying to focus on his parents and making it something they will be able to enjoy being with the girls, what I want to do is sleep the season away and lay remembering our past ones and all the little things he would do to make it special for us all. I can’t ever imagine getting to a place where those times are joyful. Everything is just our sadness that he isn’t here to share them with. I know it’s early days for me but I can see even years on loved ones feel the same and know I’ll be no different x
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We don’t have to forget them. We have to move on in life as the world doesnt stop turning unfortunately ! but we don’t have to forget them … we cant ! They were part of our life. Just pace yourself at xmas or you will get overwhelmed XX
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It is all so hard. Intake each day as it comes and seem to forget everything all the time.
My husband died very suddenly and he wasn’t conscious for me to say goodbye. I hope he could hear me telling him how loved he was.
It is coming up to his birthday and then the year anniversary. At times life seems tolerable but then the memories come crashing in and I feel like I did when it first happened !
My mum always used to say be a survivor and not a victim and I do try most of the time. Keeping busy does help
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That is one of hardest part that we didn’t get to say that we loved them. Maybe best way for my husband but not for me or the people left behind. I thought we had years together. They and us have been robbed of our future dreams and plans. Xx
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They say hearing is the very last sense to go yoy know. I told mt husbands seconds before he passed i loved him and he tried to answer but couldnt speak. But he did hear me. I know i try not to be a victim but memories of him and his love come back to me all the time … i wish i was braver but im not and yet i was sooo brave when he was here xxx
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I know my son in law said that - it was quick - and he didnt suffer too long ! Well maybe he didn’t but i bloody do ! Nobody gives a monkeys about that do they ? X
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You can be sure that conscious or not your husband would have heard anything that you said … the last sense to go is that of hearing. If you told him that you loved him he would have heard you.
My wife,(through the nurse,) called me to the hospice at midnight,I spoke with her when I arrived and one of her clear comments was " I bet you drove like mad to get here," so she was quite lucid and we had further conversations. I then stayed with her talking to her and keeping her cool. Probably around 7:15 I said to the nurse she seems settled for now so I will go home and take a shower and be back in half an hour,I left at 7:30 and she died ten minutes later.
The nurse and sister told me it was quite normal,that patients can hear and that my wife probably chose that time to save me seeing her go.
I have had numerous people tell me the same,my wife’s consultant for one who has seen many people pass away. Your husband will have gone knowing you loved him.
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We are all brave - you are carrying on in your own way and that is the bravest thing to do. It is ok to cry , to miss them and to feel the pain. We all had something special so it would be weird if we didn’t feel this way - it’s just so hard 
Be kind to yourself - you are amazing x
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Aw thank you @Jenny6 thats a lovely thing to say. And yeh we loved very deeply didn’t we … it was very special. Im having a bad day today. I was ok yesterday . I think its cos its coming up to a year since i got the awful news they couldnt save my husband. I feel i am having a lot of recall to those cruel last 6 weeks i had with him 
xx
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Yeh i have heard that before too of people passing when their other half had popped out. My children were with their dad … i couldn’t watch the man i love leave this world. I told him i loved him and walked out of the room and as i walked down the stairs the nurse said hes gone i wish i had a time machine to go back in time ? A time when i didnt have any of this pain xx
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Maybe you could plan to do something that you both enjoyed and try to make new memories for this time of year.
I am dreading Nov into Dec when we lost him - he hung on for a week but wasn’t conscious at all.
We plan to have a small birthday celebration for him on his birthday - which is just after the date he died.
We have to try to create a new ‘normal’ even if we don’t want to 
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I know and im trying to make new memories but its hard without him here ! Me, my daughter and granddaughter are all going to tenerife - a place he loved - for 4 nights on 22nd november so trying to hold on to that but thanks @Jenny6 xxx just had one of those awful days xx
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Im struggling this week . He loved Halloween and would have been carving pumpkins. Im not feeling well and I dont think thats helping as he would have been the one looking after me. If i dindnt have my dogs keeping me in check i dont know what i would do. I hate the weekend because it reminds me of his last weekend which was horrific for him.
Time doesnt heal at all
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Yeh weekends are really tough aren’t they ? So long and yet i didnt mind them when i had my husband here god will we ever get out of this hell hole ? I hope so one day ? Im thinking of moving again - maybe it be best to move on to get rid of some bad memories ? As soon as i feel strong enough and know where i wanna go i will move i think ? xx
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I can understand about your 6 week recall so much.
After 30 years with my wife with so many happy memories I keep thinking about those 7 weeks.
All the best
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