How do i carry on ?

I lost my husband 12 days ago and I don’t know how I carry on.I never got to say goodbye as it was sudden ,I can’t get seeing him on the floor cold and alone out of my head,did he shout out for me during the night.I lie awake going over it in my head

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Hello Julie, I came on to type my own message about my Mum when I saw yours. I just wanted to reach out to you. It sounds brutal what you are going through.
Its too raw for you just now to process but you will. Time will do that.
At the moment though you need to get through things day by day, look for support, ask for it and be kinder to yourself.
I am sending you lots of compassion Mags x


Hi Mags
Thankyou for your kind message,I have my family around me but all I want is him We were together for 33 years and ,teenage sweethearts he was only 51 and apart from the usual aches and pains was very active,he must got up during the night and had a massive heart attack .The hardest thing is I never got to say goodbye.I torment myself going over in my head did he shout out to me and I didn’t hear him .I’m still expecting him to walk through that door …I wasn’t going to write anything on here at first ,but after reading some of the messages took some comfort seeing the support everyone has for one another,so thankyou for reaching our to me sending you lots of love as I know your going through your own bereavement.
Julie x

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Oh Julie, I am so very sorry for your sudden, heartbreaking loss.
To lose our soul mates is difficult anyway, but as suddenly as this must be devastating for you.

Mags is absolutely right in everything she has said to you.

Be kind to yourself. You’ll be in total shock and so many thoughts will be going through your head.

It’s such early days…see what today brings, then tomorrow, slowly, slowly you’ll start to steer a path through this darkness you are in at the moment.

Sending love and hugs

Janey x

I lost my partner nearly 3 weeks ago an its torture he was on his own an allso died on his own I can’t get him out my head really don’t know how to do this he leaves behind his step kids an his 1 year old daughter our lifes are not the same anymore :broken_heart:

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Bless you Caroline. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope you have some support. My heart goes out to you.

Thank you :sob:

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Thank you Janey
I just want to wake up and its all just been a bad dream.Its the evenings that’s the worst even though I have family around its just not the same.Only 2 weeks ago we were making plans to go away ,life really is too short and it really puts things into perspective into what’s important and not
Julie x

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Sending you lots of love Caroline,I know exactly how your feeling.Life is cruel :cry: I like you just don’t know how I move forward.We were together 33 years and at the moment I have my children with me,but they have their own lives to live and I’m already dreading being on my own with only my thoughts .Look after yourself
Julie x

I am so sorry that it happened to you too Julie. My husband went out for his evening run, collapsed and died. Me and my son went to find him when he was late back - we were too late. He was 50. It took two post mortems and they put it down to SADs. I know how brutal it is to have them ripped away - no goodbyes. I comfort myself with the fact that he didn’t suffer. The paramedics said it would have been very quick. Nothing seems real and you will need to take it breath by breath and day by day. Look at the website - it’s written by someone who lost her partner suddenly so she knows what it’s like. Take support from anyone who offers it. I am nearly a year on - it still doesn’t seem real. It is so hard to have your entire future just taken away in the blink of an eye. Take care


Dear Julie24

My husband died in different circumstances but it was sudden and I did not make it to the hospital in time so no goodbyes. The responses you have received so far I hope show the level of support that this forum can and will offer you as you try to navigate this awful journey you now find yourself on and like all of us did not want. Grief generates so many different emotions and I know for me the sheer disbelief that I lost my husband - my whole world - in the blink of an eye is hard to comprehend.

Surround yourself with family and trusted friends. Thinking of you.

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I’m so sorry. The initial shock lasts a while and reliving moments - this should settle into “ups and downs” with various emotions along the way. I can relate a bit as I didn’t get to see my Father before he died when he was suffering and alone and couldn’t be there to help him. Those feelings are part of the shock and guilt that are a normal part of the bereavement process. It takes time for the brain to rationalise things and know that there was nothing you could have done. I am sure in last moments, people think of you. What I found the hardest, and still do 3 months later - is familiarity all the time. I think it can help to have a change of scene for a while - ie stay with someone - just to break that familiarity that drags you down and makes things seem unreal. You also need to take care of yourself - it’s easy to neglect ourselves when overwhelmed. Your husband would have wanted that.

Hi Julie

I lost my husband 16 weeks tomorrow, I did get to say goodbye, although he was sedated, j hope he heard. Gary was 58 and extremely fit. He was diagnosed with long Covid but it was esophageal cancer all along.
People say time heals but in reality I believe that the pain will be there forever and eventually you will learn to live with it. I’m on a rollercoaster and can’t get off. The waves of grief /upset hit you and are overwhelming. I still can’t function. It’s true you just need to take minute by minute and don’t expect what people expect of you. It’s your journey no one else’s as they aren’t going through what you are.
You take care x