How can I contemplate a life without him when he was my life?)
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You carry on by putting one foot in front of the other and take small steps. Donât think too far ahead as that is crippling. Just think about the day you are in and go from hour to hour.
Iâm 57 and 17 weeks in. Iâm now doing ok with some hard days in between. (So far) I donât take it for granted that I will stay this way but for now I donât have raw pain and have good days.
I forge forward because I donât want to be miserable and I know my other half wonât either. He was a glass full guy and if roles were reversed he would be doing the same as me, getting on with it.
Itâs not all easy, life is hard without him as I miss him loads but heâs not coming back and he wouldnât want me to be miserable.
Iâm so sorry your hurting so much.
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As weird as this may sound what helps me relive anything close to the joy of my soulmate being part of my life has been answering questions about him to strangers!
My first counselling session with Sue Ryder left me feeling the most warm, positive & uplifted I had been in months. All the counsellor asked were questions like: how did you meet? Who noticed who first? What drew you to each other? What was it about him you liked/loved? What did you do together?
It was so wonderful to talk about him without worrying about breaking down, to someone who knew nothing about us & not feel I had to censor myself to suit me, my kids, family, friends. It was incredibly freeing to share earnestly how he completed me, how he made me laugh, how he could enfuriate me, who he truly was (without feeling I was oversharing, or in any way betraying his memory).
I have held on to that feeling when everything feels utterly beyond agonisingly sad. There have been other occasions when I have reached out for support who ask about the relationship, about him instead of the pity looks & (the worse!) the âavoid talking about her soulmate in case she criesâ brigade!
And, honestly, there are days & moments I have no idea how I am going to make it beyond a moment, let alone a day/week/month/ever without him. So I find ways to ground myself or call my best mate with whom I can just sit & cry or say âthis is utter crapâ.
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Itâs okay not to be okay. Hugs & love to you x
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