How do I carry on?

How can I contemplate a life without him when he was my life?)


You carry on by putting one foot in front of the other and take small steps. Don’t think too far ahead as that is crippling. Just think about the day you are in and go from hour to hour.

I’m 57 and 17 weeks in. I’m now doing ok with some hard days in between. (So far) I don’t take it for granted that I will stay this way but for now I don’t have raw pain and have good days.

I forge forward because I don’t want to be miserable and I know my other half won’t either. He was a glass full guy and if roles were reversed he would be doing the same as me, getting on with it.

It’s not all easy, life is hard without him as I miss him loads but he’s not coming back and he wouldn’t want me to be miserable.

I’m so sorry your hurting so much.


As weird as this may sound what helps me relive anything close to the joy of my soulmate being part of my life has been answering questions about him to strangers!
My first counselling session with Sue Ryder left me feeling the most warm, positive & uplifted I had been in months. All the counsellor asked were questions like: how did you meet? Who noticed who first? What drew you to each other? What was it about him you liked/loved? What did you do together?
It was so wonderful to talk about him without worrying about breaking down, to someone who knew nothing about us & not feel I had to censor myself to suit me, my kids, family, friends. It was incredibly freeing to share earnestly how he completed me, how he made me laugh, how he could enfuriate me, who he truly was (without feeling I was oversharing, or in any way betraying his memory).
I have held on to that feeling when everything feels utterly beyond agonisingly sad. There have been other occasions when I have reached out for support who ask about the relationship, about him instead of the pity looks & (the worse!) the ‘avoid talking about her soulmate in case she cries’ brigade!
And, honestly, there are days & moments I have no idea how I am going to make it beyond a moment, let alone a day/week/month/ever without him. So I find ways to ground myself or call my best mate with whom I can just sit & cry or say “this is utter crap”.


It’s okay not to be okay. Hugs & love to you x