I am new to this ,i lost my husband in June this year ,literally 6 weeks after being diagnosed with lung cancer he was gone ,i still find it hard to accept hes not coming back ,and struggle every morning to get out of bed and face another day without him,i have a supportive and loving family,which i am truly for ,but they dont fill the terrible void in my heart ,i really dont know how to carry on .
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It’s so hard when things happen quickly like that. I lost my husband in February this year after a very brief stay in hospital, 3 weeks, where they eventually discovered the cancer he’d had in his forties had come back. They did nothing and now I just have this huge hole. This site does help a lot because people don’t mind if you rant/scream/cry because we all know what you’re going through. I try to keep busy but sometimes, like today with the weather and I’ve come down with a nasty cold, it’s still really, really hard. Just remember there’s always someone on here you can talk to. Take care Gail xx
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Thankyou so much Gail for your reply ,i know there are probably hundreds of people going through exactly the same as me ,but at this moment i have been feeling as though im the only one ,thats the readon i decided to join this site ,my heart goes out to you as i know exactly what you must be going through, i am trying to keep myself busy but sometimes i think what is the point ,i depended on my husband for so much that i feel so frightened that i wont be able to cope alone ,so at the moment i get up each morning and try to get through 1 day at at time ,sorry for rambling on ,thankyou again for your reply ,sending hugs. Diane
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Hi Diane I lost my husband 5 weeks ago to lung cancer. I still cannot believe he’s gone, he went in the Hospice for pain management and just deteriorated very quickly within a few days.
It is the mornings I find most difficult, getting up and the house is so empty.
Are you in Rotherham?
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Yes ,im near Wickersley, my husband went in Rotherham hospice on a Wednesday and passed away early hours of Saturday morning, its so surreal isent it love ,we had no idea he had lung cancer till 6 weeks before he passed ,my heart goes out to you it really does ,i know exactly how you feel ,sending you hugs .
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I too depended on my husband for so much. I’m not a very practical person and things keep coming up that I don’t know how to fix. I’ve been trying to paint the little bedroom, it’s going to become my office, but have given up now as I made a bit of a mess! I was terrified last night when everyone kept on talking about this storm, I thought that all of the electrics would go off, but they didn’t and I survived. My friends all think I’m doing really well but they do not know what goes on in my head etc when I’m home. I see a private counsellor once a week now and she’s really helping me as I get to talk about both the positive and negative things in our marriage. Well should go as the cats think its lunchtime. Take care xx
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I feel exactly the same as you ,any wind or rain ,i immediately go into panic mode ,i feel i cannot cope ,i am hoping to decorate my living room next spring ,well with a lot of help from my family ,i too am not very pracrical.I dont speak to anyone only my family at the moment ,but am finding it difficult to cope ,this is why ive joined this group,as im constantly scared ,thankyou for your reply ,you are helping me .
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So pleased I could help. I need to finish the decorating before Christmas as my son, once he’s moved will be coming back to visit me. The weather seems to have settled down a bit now, which is good, but I still won’t go out. I try and talk to my friends but they don’t seem to quite get that I’m terrified of so many things. My daughter, who doesn’t live too far away, is a lot more practical, like her dad, so she is coming over on Sunday to help with a few things. Take care xx
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My friends dont understand really either ,they constantly say that i need to accept this is my new normal and whist i appreciate their friendship very much ,words are easy for them because none of them have experienced loosing a husband ,which i certainly,wouldnt wish on anyone,my daughter and son are very supportive thank god ,im pleased to hear your daughter is near to you as is my daughter to me (Kilnhurst)and my son lives 5 minutes away ,good luck with your decorating, lovely to speak to you .
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Hi Kitcat we must live near each other then x
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Was it Rotherham Hospice your husband was in?,yes i bet we do live close love ,my heart goes out to you ,its a living hell isent it love ,do you do messanger at all? If you dont mind me asking that is .
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As if you don’t already know that this is your new normal. As if you need somebody to tell you that. One day when your friends lose a spouse they will understand how hurtful and uncaring that statement is. I know they’re only trying to help, but really to be honest in my opinion people are just downright idiotic.
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I agree with you 100%,i try to put myself in their position though ,what would i say to them if they had lost their spouse and i still had my husband,i do totally agree with you though its so eady for them to say to me this is your new normal now ,like you say of course i know ,but that doesn’t mean i feel normal, of course i don’t ,i lost my husband a matter of weeks ago .
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Hi Kitcat yes I do messenger
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Hi kitcat
A sudden loss is just so bad i hope you had some time to talk with your husband before he passed RIP.
initially i was just in a haze and a void almost, i kept myself busy withh all the things we all are forced to do when our loved ones pass, banks cars bills house funrtal etc etc etc.
It kept me from thinking of my wife too much for a few weeks, also if she did come back to me she would still be in imense pain and bed ridden… thats no life…
The weeks after are tough when you have time alone and your brain lets you remember things it couldnt early on…
Would coulda shouldas are all there present and correct!!! They should be avoided if possible, not easy atall… its so tiring trying to stay sain and not breakdown all the time…
Try to keep busy any how you can no matter how big or small…
If you can get out of the house, for any reason that helped me, just a walk and to see life if still going on… completely upturned and grief ridden for us unfortunately.
Look for the small glimmers of light again anything that makes you smile its not bad to smile as your not disprespecting your loved one, they dont want us to be upset for ever…
A smell, a view, tv programme, piece of music, anything can set me off with “if only”… but i remember shes in a better place of love peace and wonder, and i will meet her again one day…
If you think of your grief all of the time, it becomes unbearable…
Take every day even every hour as it comes.
Talk to people who truely care about you, tell it as it is, dont pretend your ok when your not.
Im only 10 weeks into the crappy rollercoaster of grief… so im sure i still have many hardships ahead, and somehow i will get through sometimes i realy dont want to but we have to…
Take care.
Chris
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Thanks Chris you have absolutely hit the nail on the head ,i do try to get out but i find when i see couples together i feel angry and upset at the same time ,even my closest friend’s i know its not their fault i lost my husband and i do feel guilty about even thinking this way about my closest friend’s .I only had 6 weeks from my husband being diagnosed to him passing away ,and i did get to say the things i wanted to say to him and i certainly didnt want him to suffer any longer but its me i am feeling sorry for ,i am so angry with him and the world at the moment, thankyou for your reply Chris i,believe it has helped me .
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Yes i live in Flanderwell.
Kitcat I have Private Messaged you
I have tried to find message love ,but cannot seem to find it .
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Kitcat, click on my user name then press private message