I lost my mum suddenly almost 2 years ago. She had incurable cancer but that was being kept at bay. She was taken unwell and unresponsive and died the following day. I’ve been left not knowing who I am. I feel like I’ve been born again, but not in a good way. Not in the way where you feel refreshed. In a way where I feel like I’ve had my brain wiped and I have to relearn everything all over again because I don’t know who I am without my mum. After 2 years, I still don’t!
Her death was quite traumatic for me and since then, I’ve found it really difficult to think of her or remember things about her. When I look at her picture, I feel I’m looking at a stranger like I don’t remember her at all which makes me so angry with myself because she deserves so much more than that.
Occasionally, all the grief comes to the surface and I just break down but I always fight to regain my composure and push it down and lock it away. I know it isn’t healthy but I can’t help it. I know I can’t continue like this because I’m on the verge of a breakdown but I don’t know how to change.
Does anyone have any advice?
I am so sorry, this must be so difficult. I think you need some professional counselling if at all possible. It is so difficult for your brain to come to terms with something like this. Wishing you all the best. I think these things can improve but you might need some help to get there.
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Hi DragonFlyFairy,
It’s just over two years since my mum passed and I feel like you do. It’s very hard to carry on some days but we have to find a way. For me it’s finding things that distract me. Anything that helps pass the time will help you
I also look at my mum’s photo and think goodness has she really really gone. It’s hard to comprehend it’s been two years as it seems like yesterday.
I have found this site to be wonderful. I haven’t had any counselling as I have found friends on here who understand what I am going through.
Do you live on your own or do you have family members to support you. How about friends?
I make myself small targets to do every day and try to stick to them and sometimes I do and other days I don’t but that’s ok.
Keep posting on here as there are lovely kind supportive people in here who will help you get through so much.
Sending love
Deborah