How do I cope

My lovely husband Paul, aged 47, passed away Jan 16th after battling cancer for 15months. We have two wonderful children, Katie 17 and Bobby 8. It was his funeral yesterday and I’ve coped really well, but today I’m frightened I’m going to start really struggling. We’ve great family and friends to support but I was hoping to talk to others who know how I feel

Hi, I can’t see your name but I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m Kay and I’m 50 years old. I lost my husband, Matthew, very suddenly during the night of 26th to 27th December and like your husband, he was 47 years old. He went to bed perfectly normally on Boxing Day evening but he didn’t wake up. I found him the following morning.

Like you, I have a very loving family and incredibly caring friends but I also wanted to talk to others who are going through the same experience and who know how I feel. I’m also frightened of the future and don’t want to be known by my friends as the depressing women who can’t talk about anything other than her dead husband.

I think I am still in shock and whilst I know and accept Matt has gone, I have difficulty in processing this and the thought of living the rest of my life without him is just unbearable. I’ve been keeping myself busy in an attempt to distract myself from the reality of the situation but I’ve had a couple of really horrible wobbly days… one of which was the day after Matt’s funeral.

Sending you lots of strength and good wishes x

Hi Kay, thanks so much for replying. How devastating for you, I’m truly sorry for your loss. Paul was diagnosed with cancer 15 months ago but I still was not prepared for him leaving us. I’m trying to stay strong for our children but since his funeral yesterday it seems more ‘real’ now, if that makes sense. Think I’ve been on autopilot since he passed. It truly feels like someone is crushing my heart when I think of life without him.
Bless you, and remember you’re not alone xx Lesley x

Hi l71 and kay im very sorry for your losses (im 57 my wife was 41 when she passed 04032016).Take it a day at a time have you seen your GPalso ask about Cruse bereavement councellingat gp and gtheres the samaritians (i do all 3 and im on medication ).Welcome to this special club we undestand on here you nkightmare and what your going through i and many others dont mind private messages if either of you prefer to use that route .I call friends (which i dont have ) the happy people .And tbh youll find some or most of the happy people will walk away or say stupid things at times .In this club we dont walk away we help each other .Moasning ior ranting in my opinion does not exist on here .We are all at different stages in our nightmares .Ladies dont be strangers on here keep coming back theres always someone hear to listen or give advice .We know how you feel big hugs Colin

Thanks Colin, I’ve messaged cruse tonight and will see what info I get back. Trying to take each day as it comes. I’ve been inundated with visitors the last two weeks, things are quieter now though, and you’re right - some say the right things/ some wrong. At the minute it hurts that they then can go home to their partners and then I feel guilty for feeling that way x Lesley

Lesley try to dismiss those thoughts of guilt .Ifeel the same your not harming anyone yes its horrible but when you feel low come on here i do Colin

Hello everyone . My amazing wife was diagnosed in Feb 13 and finally lost her brave battle in May last year. I am 46 and she was only 50. To L71 I am so deeply sorry for your recent loss and I too felt strong up to and including my wife’s funeral and then when all the arranging and sorted out was done and everyone goes back to their lives that is when I felt lost. I can assure you that Cruse bereavement is amazing. They will make you wait a few weeks before they will see you as your loss is very recent but when you get to meet a councillor you suddenly get the chance to let all the anguish that you feel go without being judged and without just being told that you will be fine, cheer up which is what you tend to get off family and friends. Get in touch with them, they are there to help. Jay

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Thanks Jay. So sorry to hear of your own loss. Another life taken far too young. I have contacted cruse and they are arranging an appointment for me in a few weeks. Trying to stay strong for my children who are a true strength x

Hi L71
That’s great, I’m glad you have made contact with them. They are volunteers and very special people who care about you and will help you through it and help you make sense of the unreality. I have joined this forum to help me and to help others so feel free to message me and I will always try and offer some advice from my own experience. Jay x

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