How do I cope?

As I sit here typing this I have tears rolling down my face and I can’t control them. This happens everyday more than once. Before my grandad died in 2017 this didn’t happen. At the funeral I was the strong one holding everyone’s hand and telling them all is ok. My husband was home looking after our newborn so although surrounded by family I didn’t grieve myself just “held it together”. Over a year later I’m finding myself uspet at the thought of leaving my children when I die and get an overwhelming feeling of grief that I cant shake.
I don’t know how to get rid of these thoughts.
My family doesnt talk about grief, we expected to not to show emotions.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Firstly Libby, keep reading and chatting on this site, it may be a huge help and comfort for you. I’m sorry for your loss and suffering. Secondly, I know all about the fear of dying and leaving my children. When they were young I felt it all the time - I was terrified of leaving them motherless. As they grew up this feeling lessened.
Maybe try writing to your grandad - it’s incredible what writing can do even though you can’t send it. I write in a journal to my husband, I tell him everything that’s happened, how I’m feeling and how much I love and miss him. It really does help. Whatever you do Libby, know that you are not alone in your grief - we are all travelling our journey with you. Sending love and hugs xx

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