How do I deal with anger?

It will be four years soon since I lost the love of my life. She had Sepsis after contracting an infection. Without going into the whole story, a few months prior to her final hospital visit we had been asked to leave our rented flat because the owner wanted to sell the house. Our lives were turned upside down at completely the wrong time. We managed to find a place close to where we lived quickly and friends helped us move. At that point she was in excruciating pain and prescribed Fentanyl patches. I was full time carer. Moving made a bad situation worse. She passed away four months later ambulance, blue lights, straight to ICU, it was lockdown but they let me stay with her, not everyone at that time had that privilege. ICU were wonderful. Not so other departments so a complaint issued and eventually partially upheld by the Ombudsman . Despite many complaints the CEO of the NHS trust got promoted to a larger NHS trust. Recommendations made by the Ombudsman about staff attitudes, communications and record keeping on a &E, where I believe the problem started. Nothing will bring her back I know but 3 nights ambulance to a & e, 3 nights discharged back home in early hours of morning. All that is dealt with, part of my accepting her passing. The thing I am angry about is that our previous dwelling was never sold, instead turned into a holiday home for a rich family and is closed up at least 42 weeks out of every year. I walk past it every day and wonder, if the man has told the truth and let us stay a little longer herblast months might have been more comfortable. We had medical people visiting the house 3/4;times a week and no one seemed able to let either of us know enough about what might happen. I guess they did their best during lockdown (by the way I also hold Johnson and Hancock partially responsible for her passing,nhaving been incompetent in dealing with COVID, prison should await them). My mainanger seems to be focused in my former landlord, in four years he has approached me once a year when visiting his holiday home. 8 months in “hello, are you over it yet?” A year later some flippant remark about me "getting out a little more now, things must be getting easier* last year he asked how I was, so I asked him, courtesy his reply “oh we are still living”. This year, a week ago He said hello and I could feel my anger boiling up so said a muted hello and quickened my pace. I might be over sensitive but this man’s decision ruined our lives, seven years a tenant. Now it’s one of many expensive second homes. Every time I go past it I want to get even but know I would be the one in trouble. My wife wouldn’t want me to do that . This probably sounds quite trivial but I may need to speak to a counsellor about this specific anger before it eats my soul. If anyone has any tips I would be happy to hear.
Thanks.malcolm

I really hated some people who have damaged my life, and I carried the anger around with me.

Then I realised one day, that the anger only damaged one person, and that was myself. Those with whom I was angry didn’t know I was angry, and even if they did, they wouldn’t care.

So I had only two options, find them and punch the living daylights out of them . This seemed attractive in the short term, but likely to be less attractive when I appear in court.

The only way out of it was to allow myself to forgive them and move on. It made absolutely no difference to them (because they didn’t know) but I was able to move on to getting through my
grieving, and leaving it behind.

It’s not the time to get involved in sorting out the NHS, do it later if you wish. Look after yourself for now

1 Like

You may well be right @Bluebell1.

My comments were intended to reflect how I handle anger to anyone, however it is caused.

Maybe I didn’t make that as clear as I might have done. Thankyou.

Thank you so much. Sorry for your loss.

You are right. Thank you for being supportive. I didn’t want to go into all the NHS details but perhaps I wasn’t clear. My head sometimes gets befuddled. It is definitely my anger towards the former landlord I was seeking help with but every reply has been helpful and wise. Sorry for your loss too. Thanks