How do I feel okay again?

Coping with bereavement
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I lost my grandmother a month ago (03/06/2023). I thought that I was coping well with the loss, but the funeral is today and as the reality of her passing has set in I’m just absolutely crushed.

I keep feeling guilty about my grief because there are friends I have that have lost parents or siblings, and the loss of a grandparent seems to pale in comparison so I don’t want to take my sadness to their door when they’re already hurting so badly.

I didn’t expect this to be so utterly debilitating, but then I also think I was in denial about her ever leaving us.

My Nanny was just one of those people who seemed so immortal. She was so full of life and light for the vast majority of my life, and though her health had certainly declined in the past few years or so, absolutely no one saw this coming. It was all so sudden and I’ve just been left reeling.

As the eldest daughter in my household, I feel that I’m responsible for taking care of both my mum and younger sister and so I don’t want them to see how much I’m really hurting from this but I don’t know what to do.

Everyone sort of just says “well the loss of a grandparent is sadly an eventuality” and I know that, I’ve already lost two, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I sometimes just sit here for hours, googling ways to contact deceased loved ones like using ouija boards or candles for them to send signs; I probably sound a bit insane.

I just have no idea where to go from here or what to do. It feels like my world has halted in it’s orbit but I look around and realise that everyone else is just going about their lives and it’s me that’s changed. I’m sad and angry and bitter and I don’t know how I’m ever going to live with this if I’m being honest.

I’m well aware of how dramatic this probably sounds because again, grandparents dying seems to be viewed as more of an eventuality than a tragedy by society, and the friends that I have confided in have had little to no sympathy and essentially told me that everyone has problems and I shouldn’t try to talk to people because they probably have it much worse than me. I understand where they’re coming from, but I just feel so completely alone in this.

Can anybody help?

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Hello @newtoloss ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling crushed and you feel your grief is debilitating. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Alex

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@newtoloss so sorry yo hear of your loss. My lovely nan died when i was 15, 50 years ago. She gave me unvonditional love. I had just met my future husband and he took over the unconditional love until he died suddenly 3 months ago. I feel lost without someone who loves me unconditionally. I have never got over the loss of my nan, she was an important part of my life so don’t apologise for feeling her loss so much.

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I lost my grandmother just sort of her 100th birthday. She had really brought me up since the age of 5 after my mother died, so i feel your heartbreak. It does not sound dramtic at all as also i few months after thats I lost my fiancee and im still going through that. I decided to make sure my grandma would have been very proud of me in what ever i do. You are not alone amd trust me its good to talk and not keep it bottled up x

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