How do I get through it

It’s my husband’s funeral on Thursday. I’m dreading it, I’m worried about breaking down, making a fool of myself and letting him down.

Any advice or tips on how to get through it would be appreciated. I keep hearing about more people attending, or unexpected people sending me messages to say they are sorry they can’t be there.

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Hi @Paddy53 firstly you really don’t have to worry about how you appear to anyone else. Do what you need to do, cry as much as you have to and say what you feel is right. I was lucky I didn’t have to endure a funeral I think my partner knew his parents wouldn’t cope with one and he was just never one for any kind of fuss. But when my dad passed I had similar feelings of how to act etc and I did what I wanted to because everyone else will forget but you won’t, honour your husband in anyway you want to because you were his other half and that’s what he would want x sending lots of love and strength your way!

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I dreaded my partner’s funeral. Arriving it was very emotional and quite surreal. Now, I can’t actually believe we went through it, it’s so far from reality.

It was a lovely service with an equal measure of tears and laughter. It was nice to put faces to names and hear lovely stories about him.
It all went so well and we enjoyed it, it was a great tribute to him.

The day after however was incredibly hard. I think the reality hit that he wasn’t going to come back as we’d just cremated him. It was painful!

I hope the day goes as easy for you as it can. It’s ok to cry and you do what you need to do to get through it.

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You will be in shock again . You can’t believe that it’s happening . It goes by so quickly. No one will expect you to be without tears or nearly breaking down . I was in a blur . I made sure I looked my best for my baby but I sweated so much my hair wasn’t perfect for him

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Hi Paddy,
So sorry you have to face your husbands funeral on Thursday. My husband of 49 years died in July, 54 days after being diagnosed with leukaemia, so a huge shock. I was determined to be dignified for his funeral, which I had planned carefully. I found that it helped to make an effort to wear something smart and to put on my make-up and jewellery and to do my hair as he always told me how nice I looked. When we got to the church, I made a point of looking straight forward but not at his coffin and I tried to focus on what was being said. I struggled to look at his photo on the order of service, so just touched my wedding ring and tried to remember our marriage in that same church. I do hope that you will take strength from your family and friends on the day and I’m sure you will do him proud.

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My husband’s funeral thing was not in a church, he was buried at a natural burial site in March. After the event everyone said what an amazing send off it was and how much they had been pleased they’d made the effort to go. I spent the whole time clutching my daughter and two young grandchildren while we all cried. As it was outdoors and a cold and wet day I wore sunflower dungarees, wakling boots and a thick jacket. We are doing this for them and us, other people don’t really matter and so you have to do what you feel is best for you. The person in charge asked me if I wanted to look at him in his wicker coffin but I said no, I think it would have been far too hard and wanted to remember him as he’d been.

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Just act however you want to act ! If you wanna cry, cry. I found i was in shock actually … i didnt show any emotion until i got home from the funeral and i shut that door in our house and i was alone and reality hit me like a sledgehammer that my beautuful husband wasnt here anymore :frowning: good luck with it. It may be easier than you think xxx

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I’ve just seen my neighbour who lost her husband earlier this year. She said she had one of his handkerchiefs with his initial on. Every time she felt the tears she touched and stroked it. It helped her, it might help me. :crossed_fingers:

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Yeh why not ? Whatever helps you ? Xxx

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Just as I said debs . It’s too much for your mind to accept

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Yep … i think its shock really dont you ? Because you cant actually believe this is happening to you? X

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I was just the same @Nicenursenic … we have to try picking ourselves up dont we and moving forward … we will find some happiness in whatever shape that is in … eventually … i found a bit of happiness this summer talking some dog friends near me xxx

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@Deb5 and @Nicenursenic I feel the same! It’s great to read some positive posts. Yes it’s difficult for us all but we have a life to live and have to do the best we can!
I saw someone on here that recommended a group called Way Up which I have joined. They actually have meet ups and zoom meetings. I have joined a couple and found everyone really friendly! J x

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Yeh thats what i meant really … live a little bit :slight_smile: and you are really brave and should be proud of yourself ! Im not as brave as you at doing stuff by myself xxx

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I was like that this morning. In floods of tears ! Its the wave of grief coming when you remember stuff :frowning: xxx

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Brave doing stuff by yourself i meant … but its good and i know what you mean … we have to try :wink: hard though isnt it without our loved one x

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Oh bless you! I’m sure, if your husband was anything like mine, he would love you no matter what, and your hair wouldn’t matter a jot to him. You were there and that’s all he would have wanted. X

Good for you @Nicenursenic I hope you enjoy it . I am going to the theatre for 2 musicals next year

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I just cant do stuff like that by myself :frowning: i can only just about do certain things by myself :frowning: like the necessary things e.g. shopping, walking the dog ! I hate this awful weather cos youre just stuck in and i hate living by myself ! Its crap :frowning: x

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Lost my husband 24 months ago and feel the same as you. I walk the dog shop for groceries and drive locally but don’t manage to go to anything else on my own

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