How do I go back into mine and his bedrooms?

Our 8 year old son died suddenly 3 weeks ago. He went into cardiac arrest in my bedroom, while lying on my bed. We had to put him on the floor and I had to perform CPR on him there. Every time I go in my bedroom I see it all happen over and over again. His eyes just glazed over and he stopped responding. I tried so hard to help him. The paramedics tried all they could before rushing him to hospital where he died after they continued to work on him. Me and his dad saw the whole thing and it’s killing me. I have been in my bedroom 3 times since it happened but every time I do I just break down. I have been locking the bedroom door so no one goes in there. He shared a bedroom with his little brother who is 6. His little brother was with us when he went into cardiac arrest . He is struggling to go into his own bedroom, he has also only been in there around 3 times. We have been sleeping downstairs in the living room since it happened but I know we can’t do this forever. I just don’t know what to do. I see him everywhere. Please help us


Dear @Lostwithouthim

Welcome to the Community and for being so brave in reaching out. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. There are no words to describe the pain of losing a child. There are two amazing organisations I would like to guide you to below which will be of support and help to you.

Child Death Helpline are available to speak to on 0800 282 986 from 19:00 - 22:00, Monday - Sunday for free. It is a confidential service.

There is also Child Bereavement UK who support families with the loss of a child, they also have a helpline on 0800 028 8840 and they are available from 09.00 - 17:00 Monday - Friday. Their website has useful supportive information which may be of help and support to you.

You can also connect with members here who have been in a similar situation as yourself by typing in the search bar Losing a Child. It will be good to talk to other members and the support here is amazing.

I do help the above information will be of help to you, you are not alone, please continue to reach out, we are all here for you.

Take care.


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Thank you so much

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I’m so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. It’s just so heartbreaking reading what has happened, naturally you will be in deep shock, trauma, disbelief and visceral pain.
My 22 year old son passed away suddenly in June 2020, cardiac arrest. Me, my husband and our other son 26 slept together downstairs for at least the following month, we couldn’t bear to be apart or alone. Despite my son’s age he needed to be close to me & his dad as he was completely traumatised as were we. We decided we would be guided by him, when he was ready to go back to his room to sleeping alone. It took a while & i remember it was gradual, so somewhere in the early hours one morning he said he needed to get some proper sleep & it went from there gradually. Your son is very young & may need reassurance & tight closeness for longer, it’s hard to say. I just wanted you to know I understand & wish I could take your pain away…all of our pain. Sending you strength & hugs & hope you have supportive family & friends to hold you :broken_heart::blue_heart:

@Rach25 thank you for your reply and I am so sorry for your loss. It’s just so difficult because our 6 year old doesn’t want to stay in his room that he shared with his brother and none of us want to sleep in my room because that’s where our son died. I don’t know how to get over that.

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So terribly difficult, I understand & wish I had an answer. Going into my sons bedroom is extremely traumatic but I have a choice to do it or not, your circumstances are that the 2 bedrooms you refer to need to be used for you all to sleep. Maybe this and organisations such as The Compassionate Friends may have counsellors who specialise in supporting with this sort of situation. I’m so very sorry :broken_heart: keep sharing here & reaching out for support, sending you love and strength on this treacherous devastating path we walk xx

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I understand your pain as i too lost my son a few days ago and performed cpr on him too. I cant get those horrific images out of my mind. Maybe we can support each other xx

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I am so very sorry you are here having to join a group none of us want to be a part of. Devastatingly as we are it is very supportive & has helped me over the past 2 yrs to not feel alone. There are sadly many mums here in the same situation & will hopefully be of comfort for you, understanding how terribly fragile, shocked & devastated you will be feeling. Sending love and strength to you :heart: xx

@Elizabeth1 im so sorry for your loss. I understand what you mean, the whole morning it happened just keeps playing over and over in my head. I am glad I was with him though, it may have traumatized me but atleast I know he wasn’t on his own. The waiting for answers is killing me, we still don’t know why it happened to him. He had heart disease and a pacemaker but he recently had a check up and the doctors were pleased with how he was doing. His pacemaker was checked after he passed and they said it was working as it should so I just don’t understand. I just want my baby back.

I am a week into this terrible nightmare now and honestly am existing from one second to the next. I just want to sleep all the time

@Elizabeth1 i go from refusing to sleep because of nightmares to just curling up and sleeping the day away. It’s been a month for me today. We were supposed to go for a gender scan for our baby today but I have cancelled the appointment. I just can’t face it. Our little boy was the most excited that we were going to have a new baby, wanting updates on it everyday so o just can’t face seeing it yet. We went for our 12 week scan 4 days before he passed, he came home from school and the first thing he did was sit next to me on the sofa and say ‘well……have you got a picture???’. I didn’t even need to remind him about it. His face when he saw the scan photos was amazing. He got all excited, flapping his hands about saying ‘argh, I’m guna cry!!’ And insisted he wanted to take the pictures in to show all his friends and teachers. He was my world

That’s so sad. Although my son was an adult, he was still my baby. I understand about being afraid to sleep at night. I just feel being asleep is better than my waking nightmares. Keep posting xx

@Elizabeth1 i don’t think age matters, they will always be our babies. Have you got support around you at home?

My remaining son and his 4 children live with me. He is a single dad. I have great friends and support from family. My son is traumatised too after losing his much loved dad and brother in 2 days. We are supporting each other as best we can. I feel very selfish not asking how you all are coping but i am totally devastated. Thank you all xx

@Elizabeth1 That must be so difficult for you all to deal with. My other two children are keeping me going at the moment, especially my youngest. Knowing he needs me and that the baby growing in me need me are the only thing keeping me going right now. I keep wanting to give up, I feel like I need to be with my baby.

I am in the same situation nd it has been nearly 11 months since I locked the room of my son.I understand your pain, we feel so helpless, couldn’t even save our son.xx